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Original poster

School trips divorced parents

142 replies

Cally23 · 23/09/2021 10:36

Hi,

I'm trying to get my exh to agree to pay 50% of school trips. We have 2 dc in primary and trips are affordable and basic. But there is one residential coming up not sure how much prob around £200. I'm worried about secondary school though.

I don't want to set up presidence that I pay for it all. I'm only on basic income. My ex is a high earner and has a second income from his partner (irrelevant but still, shows the imbalance)

He thinks child maintenance pays for everything and should cover no more. I get £500 pm for 2 kids. Does this cover the £2k ski trip in secondary?! Or do parents just not send their kids to these trips? Don't want them to miss out but don't want to panic and make a fuss if really, not many go on all these pricey trips.

OP posts:
NothingIsWrong · 23/09/2021 14:38

We are on a reasonable joint income and ours have been told they can choose one trip out of the Y7/8/9 ones, one GCSE one and then A-Level ones as an as needed. And the ski trip is out as there is no way we can afford that.

So far DD1 is going to Germany in Y9 and will do the Spanish trip for GCSE. DS wants to do the France one in Y8 and not sure for GCSE.

Most parents I know work on this basis, as I can't afford for all of them to be doing trips every year.

JustLyra · 23/09/2021 14:42

@LuaDipa

*She’s not “lucky” to get that much.

It’s a basic amount in proportion to his income. It’s the very minimal. There’s no luck in that at all.*

Yep. It’s a disgrace that some men are happy to pay the bare minimum, regardless of their income and their dc’s needs, and worse that some pay nothing at all. The whole system is flawed.

The starting point for any change needs to be a societal change on the whole issue.

Considering her lucky is part of the problem.

LizziesTwin · 23/09/2021 14:43

Sometimes parents can’t go on holiday with their children - caring responsibilities for other children or older relatives, or the parent might not be well. Each family will make its own choices about optional trips, they can be positively life changing, please don’t dismiss them out of hand.

TowelStripes · 23/09/2021 14:44

[quote Cally23]@Hulkynothunky couldn't resist. There is a time and a place for that (a spelling bee possibly) and me crunching numbers and tearing my hair out isn't it.[/quote]
Tearing your hair out seems a bit far fetched, particularly by page 4 when every response has tried to put you at ease that 2k trips are not expected at secondary schools. Also, it wasn't a spelling correction, it was a different word. HTH.

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 14:49

@TowelStripes Just decide not to, eh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 14:51

@NothingIsWrong i think that is fair. It has been a long time since secondary school and I don't remember these extravagant trips. France yes and that seemed a big deal.

Nor do I remember such a large uniform list!

OP posts:
Hulkynothunky · 23/09/2021 14:55

@towelstripes yes a different word, but it was obvious what she meant. Correcting her just seemed an attempt to make her feel small

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 14:56

I do think some of these experiences enrich their education and think some of them are important. Also access to extracurricular lessons and clubs too. I know they probably would have had access to these if the family were still together. However now it is a worry financially as it is all expected to land on my plate.

My maintenance seems fine now but I can see when you throw in school bus travel, these uniform lists, clubs and equipment, trips, mobile phone bills...that doesn't stretch so far anymore.

I'm also disappointed they may not be able to have things so easily due to their father's life choices and now unwillingness to think beyond basic maintenance for their needs.

OP posts:
TowelStripes · 23/09/2021 15:03

[quote Hulkynothunky]@towelstripes yes a different word, but it was obvious what she meant. Correcting her just seemed an attempt to make her feel small[/quote]
It wasn't to make her feel small. I said I agreed completely with her post but if I had used the wrong word I'd want to know and was affording the OP the same courtesy. But anyway. Divorced parents should pay equally for extra curricular activities, I will likely continue to point out mistakes people unwittingly make and hopefully her child will get a school trip 🤷

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/09/2021 15:40

My ex husband pays for half of school trips on top of maintenance.

DrCoconut · 23/09/2021 15:52

@Almostwelsh I get £80 a month for 2 DC. So yes £500 is a lot unless the NRP is a high earner.

Pinkandpurplehairedlady · 23/09/2021 15:56

My ex pays half for uniforms, school trips and childcare if we’re both working. I had it written into the consent order and so far he hasn’t challenged it or tried to get his child maintenance reduced.

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 16:00

@Pinkandpurplehairedlady I tried. He refused. Said he would supply uniform himself but he went raiding the school lost property bin. He's a higher tax payer.

OP posts:
iamtheoneandonlyyy · 23/09/2021 16:03

@TowelStripes the word correcting superhero nobody asked for

Howshouldibehave · 23/09/2021 16:07

Or do parents just not send their kids to these trips?

They don’t if they can’t afford it, no!

We have 3 children and have never sent ours on a ski trip. Single parents and couple parents don’t operate as two distinct groups.

You couldn’t unilaterally decide that you want your child to go on a really expensive trip and your ex HAS to pay for half/all of it, no. Communication and collaboration are key.

Saladovercrispsanyday · 23/09/2021 16:09

How often does he have them?

Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 16:11

@Howshouldibehave oh gosh no. Anything significant needs discussion. It wouldn't be right for me to demand based on my decision. It is hard to talk currently though. Hopefully by secondary, we'll all be better placed to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cally23 · 23/09/2021 16:12

@Saladovercrispsanyday eow every other week and a night in the week

OP posts:
Saladovercrispsanyday · 23/09/2021 16:13

Any other children?

Covidworries · 23/09/2021 16:19

Our view on school trips is .... It has to be within your means. If its going to make the parent/parents struggle miney wise then the child doesnt go.
I have issues with expensive school trips because its the same families struggling missing out and school should be a fair enviroment.

On a personal level we decided 1 secondary school trip per child. We felt this was affordable and gave them the opportinity to experience a trip, time for us to save between children and the children got to weigh up and decide which trip they wanted most.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/09/2021 16:20

[quote DrCoconut]@Almostwelsh I get £80 a month for 2 DC. So yes £500 is a lot unless the NRP is a high earner.[/quote]
Just because you get a small amount doesn't mean £500 is a lot necessarily. £80 is just shameful.

Muchmorethan · 23/09/2021 16:31

It's written in our Court Order that XH pays for half of all school and hobby related expenses. My solicitor wanted him to also contribute to half of holidays that I'd take them on but l felt that was rather unfair!!

Is your maintenance the CMS amount or what you have agreed yourselves?

RandomLondoner · 23/09/2021 17:06

What I want to know is how does a school ski trip cost 2K? I used to go skiing, in a top resort, and paying a single room supplement, and I think it cost me at most £1500. Admitted last time was about five years ago.

Surely a school ski trip will involve sharing rooms and all sorts of other economies, shouldn't it be cheaper?

(I think I've just worked out the answer to my own question... I didn't go in school holidays, when it was much more expensive.... I hope the private school DD has just started at has the sense to organise any trips during term time.)

JustLyra · 23/09/2021 17:07

[quote DrCoconut]@Almostwelsh I get £80 a month for 2 DC. So yes £500 is a lot unless the NRP is a high earner.[/quote]
It’s not “a lot” unless the OP’s ex earns the same as your NRP who pays £80…

alligatorpeardrop · 23/09/2021 17:11

As a kid of divorced parents in the 80s / 90s I never used to tell them about expensive school trips. One day my mum found out about the trip to France that cost £180, I remember the details well. I remember her ringing my dad and telling him he should cough up. He did, it was the best time of the life up till then.

This type of thing should be discussed between parents like civilised caring adults, it's all about your DC not you two, absolutely he should chip in if not cover it.