School trips divorced parents

[Cally23]

Hi,

I'm trying to get my exh to agree to pay 50% of school trips. We have 2 dc in primary and trips are affordable and basic. But there is one residential coming up not sure how much prob around £200. I'm worried about secondary school though.

I don't want to set up presidence that I pay for it all. I'm only on basic income. My ex is a high earner and has a second income from his partner (irrelevant but still, shows the imbalance)

He thinks child maintenance pays for everything and should cover no more. I get £500 pm for 2 kids. Does this cover the £2k ski trip in secondary?! Or do parents just not send their kids to these trips? Don't want them to miss out but don't want to panic and make a fuss if really, not many go on all these pricey trips.

[quote Cally23]@TowelStripes fanks[/quote]

@FortniteBoysMum a friend gave me this suggestion too. Not one I thought of but what I'll go back with. Thank you.

DS has been on a few trips with primary which ExH hasn't contributed to. DS knows that he won't be able to go on expensive school trips but that we'll try to do other fun stuff together instead.

DS's secondary school uniform was about £200 in total with second hand pe stuff and shirts and trousers from Asda. School transport here is free and none of the schools here ask for contributions so it doesn't have to be too expensive.

@HugeAckmansWife exactly this.

Maintenance isn’t supposed to cover everything. It’s calculated on the number of days dc are with you, as it’s assumed he’ll be paying an amount proportionate to his days.

@MyMushroomsInATimeSlip phew better. I still thought the more affordable shirts/trousers could be bought via the supermarket/High Street. My heart at £700 (x2)!

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing quite!!! That's a good point.

@BingBongToTheMoon

Technically he’s right, maintenance is supposed to cover everything. MORALLY though, he should pay half, but I doubt he will. All you can do is ask I’m afraid.

I disagree. It's the absolute bare minimum that men are asked to pay and usually covers the basics of life, like food, housing and clothing. CM is reduced depending on the amount of time they have their children for overnights. I think at the very least the father should pay in proportion to how much time they spend with their children.

Having said all that my daughter wouldn't ask for more from her ex because he would use it against her and she wants as little to do with him as possible. It all depends on the father and how decent he is.

I think maintenance/child allowance etc should cover most things and save where you can, however in due course if child really wants to go on
School trip show him the school paperwork and maybe come up with a solution, don’t put yourself under pressure with the expensive trips, they often don’t happen due to the high costs involved.

I think at the very least the father should pay in proportion to how much time they spend with their children.

Just to clarify, I meant pay for extras in proportion.

CM is supposed to cover everything but obviously doesn’t. You’re quite lucky to get that much, I know someone who gets half that for three children and he barely sees them. It’s not a good system at all and needs to change. Your ex should want to pay towards trips so his DC don’t miss out and so you don’t struggle. Depends how decent he is as to whether he’ll agree to pay.

My ds's school has a very unique unifor, none of which can be bought anywhere other than the actual uniform shop, unfortunately. But then they wear each shirt/pair of trousers a couple of times before washing so I never go mad on the amount I buy.

DS1 went on a trip to Germany in Y10 7 years ago - cost £350 and he took about 150 euros as spending money. There is no way I would pay £2k for a skiing trip as I’d rather use that towards a family ski trip.

By the time they are 11/12 and ready to go on the bigger trips I would involve them in the conversation. Explain you are happy to pay half and are going to ask their father to pay half as 2k (or whatever) is a lot of money. They will learn the value of money and also what a dick their dad is if he refuses and you have to pay full value. Also could then include a "save your own money up for spends and I will double it" deal or whatever.

I had both of these said to me and I was more grateful for the things I got.

generallystruggling no she's not lucky to get that much. That sort of response just perpetuates the idea that nrps are somehow 'good' for doing the bare legal minimum. It's not a race to the bottom. If he was giving his children double that but it was only a tiny fraction of his income, it wouldnt be equitable.

Also looking at our school list it ranges from Belgium for £360 to ski trip for £1700. Over the 5 years there are 9 potential trips. Most lurk around the £600 range and all are europe.

[quote Cally23]@EvilPea that is really helpful. Not thought about uniform, phones, and travel. Of course the £4 jumper in asda won't cut it but blimey...that much. How? Posh blazers?

But you are right ans I have 2. Both will need uniform, phones and bus travel. God knows what other tech by then too.

To all others so reassuring on trips. Thank you.[/quote]
No bizarrely the blazer was the only reasonable bit

It’s the change of everything in one go, so school skirts, you need two or three. Or black instead of grey trousers. Couple of ties.
PE kit was the killer.
Trainers
Football boots (never used)
The school leggings / tracksuit bottoms
The school t shirt
The school shorts / skorts
The school swim kit (never used)
The school rugby kit
Shin pads
Gum shield.

Then there’s all the stationery, headphones. More plastic for book covering than there is
In the ocean.

My dd has just gone into year 8 and this year was slightly better as we’ve managed to use a lot from last year. If she could just stop growing now that would be great!

My advice try and befriend a mum or two from the years above with a sibling or two for hand me downs! Especially the pe kit, it barely gets used before they grow out of it.

Sorry I know your thread wasn’t about uniform. It was a real shock to the system just how much secondary kids cost vs primary and just how much your expected to come up with over night if your not prepared.

[quote Cally23]@TowelStripes fanks[/quote]
I just wanted to say OP that this is the best come back to an unnecessary spelling correction comment I've seen on MN!

DD’s school had a trip that cost £2000 and that was 11 years ago.
How I laughter my socks off when she asked about that one. Yes we could have afforded it but as another poster said that’s the price of a family holiday.
Fortunately enough parents were sensible enough to say no and the trip didn’t go ahead.

@Generallystruggling

CM is supposed to cover everything but obviously doesn’t. You’re quite lucky to get that much, I know someone who gets half that for three children and he barely sees them. It’s not a good system at all and needs to change. Your ex should want to pay towards trips so his DC don’t miss out and so you don’t struggle. Depends how decent he is as to whether he’ll agree to pay.

This nonsense needs to stop - it’s one of the major reasons men get away with so much shit over maintenance.

She’s not “lucky” to get that much.

It’s a basic amount in proportion to his income. It’s the very minimal. There’s no luck in that at all.

*She’s not “lucky” to get that much.

It’s a basic amount in proportion to his income. It’s the very minimal. There’s no luck in that at all.*

Yep. It’s a disgrace that some men are happy to pay the bare minimum, regardless of their income and their dc’s needs, and worse that some pay nothing at all. The whole system is flawed.

Very few children go on expensive school trips. Skiing is very expensive.

@EvilPea no thank you for pointing me to that. Just seen the school list of equipment and uniform...shin guards! Rugby tops...track jackets...all mandatory. Lean ordering will be around 300 I think. Blimey!!

No I'm not lucky to maintenance. Absolute minimum. He has a very comfortable income and I shouldn't be fretting over these things for the children if he were decent. 50% of these costs are probably the same as something he wouldn't think twice about ordering fir himself.

@Hulkynothunky couldn't resist. There is a time and a place for that (a spelling bee possibly) and me crunching numbers and tearing my hair out isn't it.