To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

[washingmachines4]

To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there. There are times I have failed, my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.
That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools. Things can change, we could have got unlucky, in the 5 years after moving before they started school they all could have gone downhill, unlikely but possible, in which case we would have moved again. An acquaintance of mine says this is insane but will always justify sending her kid to the closest school rather than moving to be near the best school for her kid. She also thinks the school is to blame that her child failed the national phonics test in year 1 – she has never once read with her kid, ‘that is the teachers job’ and actively discourages him from reading – makes comments he wants to feel better than others, brainbox – proper nightmare Matilda’s parents style. She is an extreme example but the responsibility is ours right? (For reference, I work full time but try and make learning as time efficient/fun as possible – eg. Got a CD of all the times tables in a song to put in the car so whenever we travel to do something we sing the song of the times tables they are learning that week) etc.

I do think that parents have a responsibility but it is shared with the school - it's a partnership. It helps if parents are interested and supportive but I don't believe in hothousing children at home.

I'm afraid you sound incredibly smug and judgemental towards your "friend". People have different levels of time, resource and confidence when it comes to supporting their own children. It is best not to compare.

I am guessing your dc are younger.

I support my dc learning but I expect school to teach school work and we develop them in other ways.

You do sound like you're looking down on your friend. I lean more towards your "good school better than close school" view but don't agree with such a superior attitude.

I am huge on academic and extra curricular achievement but I also want my dc to have good memories of childhood so I stifle tiger mom instincts at times in favour of happy, well balanced dc.

Try to recognise that there are many routes to a successful and happy life, but confident and secure children are likely to navigate life better than unconfident insecure children, or overconfident smug children.

There is also so much depression and anxiety amongst teens. Too much pressure is liable to backfire.

Hopefully, the teachers are in charge of educating your children on humility.

@washingmachines4

To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there. There are times I have failed, my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.
That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools. Things can change, we could have got unlucky, in the 5 years after moving before they started school they all could have gone downhill, unlikely but possible, in which case we would have moved again. An acquaintance of mine says this is insane but will always justify sending her kid to the closest school rather than moving to be near the best school for her kid. She also thinks the school is to blame that her child failed the national phonics test in year 1 – she has never once read with her kid, ‘that is the teachers job’ and actively discourages him from reading – makes comments he wants to feel better than others, brainbox – proper nightmare Matilda’s parents style. She is an extreme example but the responsibility is ours right? (For reference, I work full time but try and make learning as time efficient/fun as possible – eg. Got a CD of all the times tables in a song to put in the car so whenever we travel to do something we sing the song of the times tables they are learning that week) etc.

Your post is full of contradictions.

If you want to crow about your child getting into your first choice of schools and you think it’s because you pointed out shapes to them , just do it. Leave the other poor woman alone.

How can you be the main educator and school just a bonus? Kids spend most of their day at school, then if they have a bath, dinner at home...when are you exactly 'educating' them?
Do they get to play and have fun too?
Surely what you do is the extra if the spend 7 hours at school each day.
Of course we should encourage and support the learning but come on...

Kids are only at school for six and half hours, and one of those is lunch!

Read your kids some books, take them to art galleries, go for some walks in the woods and point out the different species of trees.

There’s more to life than school.

I agree that parents should be involved as much as possible OP but after reading....

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there.

I was then surprised to learn you have a husband. DH and I were involved as much as possible with our DC's schooling and home learning but it was a team effort.

Also, we own our home so if we had been unlucky with the local schools, 'simply moving' wouldn't have been an option.

I'd love to know what it is exactly that people who say it's harder to be a SAHP find so difficult. I honestly struggle to imagine what it is that they are referring to, unless they have twins/triplets or children with significant additional needs etc. I get that it might be relentless or boring for some, and I know that it can be a bit tiring to look after young dc, but hard? What are the main challenges that people experience?

For me, the thing that I find hard about my job is the sheer weight of the responsibilities that I'm carrying - the expectations of those around me and the pressure of making decisions that will potentially impact on the lives of many people. Then there is the frenetic pace at which I have to work, the constant worry about getting everything done, the fear of dropping a ball and the need to juggle so many different priorities in my head at any one time. Plus the need to get out of the office on time so that I can have time with my family after work! Looking after dc always felt like a walk in the park compared to all that, so I'm always curious about how people see it so differently?

Oops, wrong thread. Sorry!

Well, yes in answer to your question op, I do think I'm the main educator for my kids. Primarily because I home educate three of them full time 😁 when they were at school I outsourced that, but I would agree that manners, life skills etc were done at home. Reading is not a task but a pleasure so never counted that as education.

What sort of memories will your children have? Riding in the car with mother and reciting the times tables? Nighttime spelling quizzes?
Maybe picnics where they have to give the Latin names of all the trees?
If you really do all that you claim, then there is not time for fun and making memories. I learned to read at the age of 4. I do not remember how, but it must have been my mother as there was no one else in my life. But I remember clearly picking up sticks in the back yard, taping them together and covering them with newspaper to have the world's worst kite. Then taking it to my mother who gave me a piece of string and an old lipstick so I could "decorate" it and then fly it. The lipstick meant more to me than the reading.

Some people aren't equipped to teach their own kids.
I think the most important things to teach them are life skills and curiosity/love of learning.

I agree about the schools. I was sent to the one my older siblings were at and I did not do well there. But that's life.

As the wife of (and friends with many) teachers, I think it's a joint thing.

Yes the school should teach the basics of science, maths etc but as a parent you should be working with your children to practise and embed this knowledge.

Teaching children to tell the time, do up shoe laces, have manners, use a knife and fork, entertain themselves, organise themselves, cook etc, 100% a parent's responsibility IMO (DH has a particular issue with the amount of children that reach his class (8/9yo and can't cut up their own dinner or tie their own shoes).

Wait... you were going to learn two new languages in order to then teach two languages?

You genuinely sound very narcissistic and I wish you would stop interfering with your children's lives and let them access education without your weird personal pointscoring.

Your job is to let go of your own ego and help your children find their own path.

I'm sorry...i found your post very concerning. How on earth would you raise your children as trilingual as a monolingual couple? Did I misunderstand? That is crazy.

Only in the same way that you’re their main doctor as well. You might administer first aid and give them medicine but you still let a professional do the serious stuff..

Um, don't know what to say really except "bully for you"? But please expand your mind to realise not everyone is in your position. They can't just move to a good catchment area, some people can barely afford to feed their lids let alone move to die here expensive!, some people don't have the time or ability to read to their kids, and these days (especially with benefits cuts) many families just try to get from one day to another surviving the day. Including those who have children with disabilities for example.

Have to say this was an unintentionally hilarious part of your post:
my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.

Well yes knowing the language you're gonna teach a child is crucial 😂😂😂 what did you think would happen, after giving birth you'd automatically be fluent in Chinese and Spanish?

Now OP, why didn't either of you put the work in on learning those languages if that was such a big goal for you??? Genuine question

@HugeAckmansWife

Sorry no. I think your friend is wrong too but the right answer is balance. I'm a teacher. I have two degrees. I could teach my kids maths beyond simple numeracy, percentages and some geometry. I read to them when they were tiny and still do but I'm not a phonics expert and left that to their teachers. I need my students' parents to be supportive, provide quiet space, attention and time, hear them read, read to them etc but not actually teach them.

As a fellow teacher, I agree 100%.

School is a tool I utilize in the education of my child. I selected the best school possible and actively review and supplement the school’s efforts. If the school ceases to be the best tool we will select another or even take over the job ourselves, though given our child’s personality, homeschooling is low on our list of choices.

I’m fully aware there are parents who passively accept whatever education the school happens to provide. I’m glad we have that safety net for those children.

@621CustardCream438

Yes, well done and congratulations OP on winning at parenting. Special sticker in the post.

There’s something unbearably smug about this post, and I say that as someone who probably leans closer to your views than those of your acquaintance.

This!

Can I also say as a teacher just how much deep damage is done to children when parents put the pressure on them to be smart. So often I see kids who have panic attacks at the thought of exams because they'd disappoint their parents. It's horrific, and I wish parents thought a bit harder about why they're pushing their kids so hard to be academic. It's all very well having good exam results but if you're a nervous wreck at the thought of simply working due to high levels of anxiety related to performance, it's not exactly useful then is it?

Parents are great educators right from the start by engaging their children and playing with them. A lot of learning in the early years comes from playing, listening and responding to young children. Sadly I have found that listening skills , such as discriminating sounds which are so important in the pre reading stage as a foundation to reading accurately, seems to have diminished in recent years.
I often see that people are missing chances to talk to their children e.g. at restaurants, instead of communicating with their children I see parents chatting to each other and children are sitting in front of an iPad , or out walking they may be on the mobile rather than pointing out and talking about the wonders of the trees, sounds, birds etc. It makes me sad that so many opportunities for great learning are missed in this way and children are often stimulated by computer games rather than conversation.
Maybe this is not universal but would fit in with my observations over the last 20 years or so when children start nursery.
When children are older then supporting what teachers suggest will help their learning at school - plus modelling writing and showing that you enjoy reading and listening to them read will help. Teachers and parents working together will certainly help children learn.
I realise the world is changing in terms of time parents may have and it makes me sad to think how many children are missing out on those important and informal learning opportunities outside of school.
I also think that we formalise education too early on - if you look at other countries where children don’t start formal reading and writing until much later on, they learn this quickly and often with less stress. They play more and learn through this. Some children do not have the necessary fine motor skills and are expected to start writing. And don’t get me started in the phonics testing , how can a child ‘fail’ at a young age just because the can’ t read nonsense words like wholp accurately.
I think we have a lot to learn about education in this country especially how to make learning fun through play.
Apologies this post wasn’t mean to to be quite so long, I just got carried away, although I suspect not many people are going to be reading this to the end any way!

It’s a joint effort from both the parents and the school.
You as a parent can’t possibly be fully teaching your child if they are at school because

1. They are at school all day so not with you.
2. If you think trying to cram in a school working day into 2 hours after school then I’m afraid that won’t work. The child has been concentrating and learning all day. He or she will be tired and in need of rest, reassurance, play, down time and hobbies.
3. If you push push to cram more in your childs head even if they have been at school all week there is a real risk of turning them off learning or building resentment for the future.
4. You are not a teacher. You do not know the tried and tested methods of introducing new concepts or following the national curriculum and keeping in line with what other children are learning.
5. You have way way too low opinion and expectations of schools, even ‘excellent’ schools as you claim in your post.

‘It's horrific, and I wish parents thought a bit harder about why they're pushing their kids so hard to be academic.’

Well why is society pushing kids to be academic? Why have exams at all if it doesn’t matter if you do well in them or not?

We have far too many exams in the U.K. education system.

I would be hugely impressed at you and your husband learning (then teaching your child) all 302 living languages/dialects in China. Or did you actually only mean Mandarin? Which I'm thinking you still would have no chance of doing.