To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

[washingmachines4]

To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there. There are times I have failed, my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.
That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools. Things can change, we could have got unlucky, in the 5 years after moving before they started school they all could have gone downhill, unlikely but possible, in which case we would have moved again. An acquaintance of mine says this is insane but will always justify sending her kid to the closest school rather than moving to be near the best school for her kid. She also thinks the school is to blame that her child failed the national phonics test in year 1 – she has never once read with her kid, ‘that is the teachers job’ and actively discourages him from reading – makes comments he wants to feel better than others, brainbox – proper nightmare Matilda’s parents style. She is an extreme example but the responsibility is ours right? (For reference, I work full time but try and make learning as time efficient/fun as possible – eg. Got a CD of all the times tables in a song to put in the car so whenever we travel to do something we sing the song of the times tables they are learning that week) etc.

[MimiDaisy11]

I agree about the middle ground. We should also be aware not everyone has the same educational background but I do think attitude and knowing the importance of parents to education is important. Like has been said reading with the child can help a lot. But then I think if the parent is a reader that also shows kids that you can read for pleasure. Growing up neither of my parents read and so I associated it with a chore. I think that’s the same with lots of skills.

A parent of mine was a teacher and used to complain that some parents would put all the responsibilities onto teachers eg “wait to you start school then you’ll learn how to behave well”.

[SoupDragon]

I preferred my DC to be educated by those who have been trained to do so.

My job is, as others have said, to support them in that and teach my children the things school doesn't.

[Macncheeseballs]

I'm a bit of both, I believe in sending kids to nearby schools, and don't believe they have to go to the very best schools because they get a rich educational home life

[OverTheRubicon]

Take your kids swimming from babies for goodness sake it isn't expensive and really important Why do people expect so much from the system

Don't know where you live, but it's fairly privileged to say swimming doesn't cost much.
To take a baby swimming, you need a baby swim suit (replaced every 6 months as they grow), an adult swim suit, baby swim nappies, pool entrance and to pay for transport there and back. It may not be much for you, but that's a lot for many people, even before accounting for lesson cost. And people with less money are also less likely to know how to swim themselves and therefore be confident teaching their DCs beyond the basics.

[Nillynally]

I do agree with you in principle but agree only because I am in the privileged position of being educated (and a primary school teacher). It is my responsibility to teach my child manners, kindness, a love of learning, the importance of books, a love for outdoors, some fine motor skills etc to help them be ready for school. I will also teach my child basic phonics (which I'm trained in) so that she learns to read quickly but only because I can. I will try to support her learning as best I can through hearing her read learning spellings, practising her handwriting, talking to her, taking her to interesting places etc. School ofsted ratings can change on a dime so I'm not so bothered about those but then I'm in the privileged position of living in a nice area and knowing she will do well in whatever school she goes to purely due to her first few years.
Your friend is an idiot quite frankly. I come across that type every day who believe it's my responsibility to teach and support their child in all areas of education and life. Newsflash- the best readers get heard read at home regularly, that's just a fact. The best maths kids practise their tables and number facts at home. You don't need to be super a parent and you certainly don't need to be hammering it at home but some responsibility is needed.
After a child attacked me when I was 8 months pregnant I was told by the parent to 'do my effing job' and teach him how to behave. That is NOT my responsibility.

[SkinnyMirror]

Totally agree about the middle ground.
We made an effort to teach the basics and fully support DSs education by a trained professional. Reading is something we prioritise and encourage as that is really important.

However, the best school isn't always the right school. We live in a village with a lovely school which is rated good by ofsted. There is an outstanding school in a nearby village which some parents in our village choose to sr d their kids.

We choose the nearest school rather than the outstanding school because we can walk to it and most of the village kids go there so from a socialising perspective it's far better for DS. Life would be much harder if we had chosen the other school.

[Autumngoldleaf]

With a dc who fell down the cracks at school remaining uneducated until year 3 o totally agree.

I think parents should be encouraged far more to get involved get in on the curriculum etc to keep up. Some/ many dc won't need further extra support but those like mine that do it will be a life line.
As teachers keep saying there is only so much they can do in a class of 30 and they don't get trained in sen

[BlusteryLake]

Whilst I think that schools are primarily responsible for delivering academic education, I think many parents underestimate the size of their support role. Don't forget that generally high levels of education benefits the country as a whole, so it isn't all down to parents.

[OverTheRubicon]

Not all of us are equipped, one way or another, to teach fractions. If privileged parents get comfortable with the idea that school learning is a luxury extra then we are
(a) massively letting the government off the hook
(b) condemning the children of those with less privilege to a minimal education and
(c) condemning our own children to a pretty horrible week. If school isn't for learning, then how awful to make them sit in classrooms for so many hours a day in the name of what would in your version be primarily just childcare (or training for future as a low grade office worker?) in between the all-important socialisation.

[TolkiensFallow]

I get some of where you’re coming from OP.
I took the school choice very seriously and if I wasn’t happy with any local choice I would have considered moving. If I didn’t get my first choice I would have gone private - I recognise this is privileged though, not everyone has this choice.

I think it’s important to work with the school but I see my job as raising my child to be a good person, emotionally balanced, confident and happy. With good manners, ensuring they learn life skills such as learning to swim, ride a bike etc. I am not delivering a formal education to my child, that is primarily for school with me helping with reading etc around it.

[Muffinsandfruitcakes]

There’s something unbearably smug about this pos

Yep. OPs child is obviously doing quite well atm. Let's hope they do well in their gcse's , if not, it will all be on OP.

[CinnamonJellyBeans]

OP You come across as a bit smug, as few people can afford to move to a good catchment.

Reading/phonics should be done by parents. There is no way that one teacher can teach a class of 30 (including AN) to teach. It's just not possible. So I agree there.

Once your child can read, you can stop with the school stuff unless they are having a specific difficulty with a tricky concept that they have failed to resolve independently in their own time.

OP, you're trying to hothouse your child. Your intentions are good, but you're investing more time and energy into your child's learning than them. All you're going to produce is a dullard with clean hair and good orthodontics. A bloody times tables CD? I don't think so. This is a prime example of over-investing time and energy into a basic skill. You'd be better off making your kid learn the things themself and grill them every now and again. issuing scorn and praise as necessary.

Make your child competitive, resilient and do not fawn over mediocre actions. Do not answer a question for your child that they should be able to work out themselves. Make them strive for your praise.

Teach your child to teach itself the academic stuff, then you can spend time doing more interesting and challenging stuff with them.

Bloody times table CD indeed.

[rattlemehearties]

Ah OP ... if you were as bright as you think you are, you'd know that learning a language to native-level fluency is very difficult and most people who bring up children bilingually speak their own native language to the child. It's called a mother tongue for a reason.

Maybe instead of focusing on schools in nice areas you should have moved abroad instead and spoken English at home and they could have learned the country's language (Spain/South America/China based on your preferences, I guess)? It's not too late...

[secular39]

@Clymene

In no way am I saying that parents of children with SEN are lazy?! Where in my post did I imply this? I am a parent of three kids with SEN. I said that teachers (I'm not a teacher) put blame on parents if a child is not doing X- it doesn't mean I agree with them!

When it comes to children with SEN, including dyslexia, specific learning difficulties, language disorders, etc etc. You cannot rely on the school to help your child. I'm sorry. You cannot. Time and time again, it's these children that I see fall through the cracks- especially the quiet children who are very compliant. The teachers have 30 plus kids to worry about about, the system is very unfair. I had a couple of year 10 children, with needs, who couldn't spell basic words and could not formulate sentences (I am not blaming the kids, or passing judgement) but not once have those children been referred to an educational psychologist or other services to support them with their writing skills (e.g. using alternative means like assistive technology, scriber, touch typing). These children have been failed through primary and secondary and they leave school angry, frustrated, low mental health. I've seen this time and time again.

[secular39]

@Spudlet read my post again and read my latest one. Your being sensitive.

[EatYourVegetables]

Well, for a start I’d recommend leaving paragraph construction to the school OP

😂

Exactly!! And let’s hope the school teaches them about checking your privilege, and about empathy, and being humble.

In other news, are we able to use smiley faces now which are not on the MN smiley face list? Being able to use 😂 would be very useful to date me as an older millennial, and I have greatly missed the 🙄🙄🙄 emoji which neatly sums up about 90% of the sentences I say these days.

[Evesgarden]

You should have sold your house to pay for private OP. That was your first fail

[TheWayTheLightFalls]

There’s something unbearably smug about this post, and I say that as someone who probably leans closer to your views than those of your acquaintance.

This. The "we'll learn another language and teach DC" thing especially (we're a bilingual family... it is bastarding hard work getting DC to a good level in the minority language). I am from a culture that prizes education above almost all else so I'd be exactly the type to, say, move our whole family into a shit 1-bed flat to get into the catchment of a great school if it was necessary. But it isn't, and it's worth taking a more nuanced view of education provision and how parents can support it.

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

Sort of.
You are responsible for ensuring they get an education.
That can mean choosing a good school, home educating, buying extra help/resources, supporting their education by going over what they've learned etc.

[Spikeyball]

You are lucky you have a choice of school. I have recently supported a friend who had to go to Tribunal to get her child in any school. The LA thought a couple of hours tutoring a day ( long term) was acceptable for a primary age child. You don't know privileged you are.

[secular39]

But isn't reading, writing and learning basic maths (money skills) life skills too anyway?

When your travelling, and you can read well, you read signs, announcements, directions. Of course a person may have good memory skills and can navigate safely. But that happens when you get lost?

Same with writing/typing. When it comes to reading, writing (and spelling) and basic maths, like adding, money skills, budgeting- I think these are very important and to not leave it to the school if your children are struggling in these areas.

[notanothertakeaway]

OP, please come back in a few years and update us, once you've realised that teachers are trained professionals who actually do know how to educate children

Yes, you can support this at home, but you appear dismissive of the role of a teacher

[solittletime]

Some people will have had such negative experiences of education that will make them have a gut reaction of fear and rejection. Some people live by different sets of values to us. If we all started to understand this better we could be more open to learning from each other as a society rather than make what frankly come across as classist judgments. Of course you’re doing the right thing reading to your child. But you know how to do that right thing, and it doesn’t make you feel alienated.
Of course it’s frustrating seeing other parents attitudes to education and the effect that has on their children.
But I think the two questions here are - 1) how can we support others in seeing the value of education, 2) what are they seeing that we don’t - what values can we learn from them?

[Toddlerteaplease]

My mum was a primary teacher and said the most important thing a parent could do with their child, is listen to them read. No need for tutoring at that age.

[sst1234]

All the attacks on OP have a hint of envy about them.