To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

[washingmachines4]

To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there. There are times I have failed, my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.
That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools. Things can change, we could have got unlucky, in the 5 years after moving before they started school they all could have gone downhill, unlikely but possible, in which case we would have moved again. An acquaintance of mine says this is insane but will always justify sending her kid to the closest school rather than moving to be near the best school for her kid. She also thinks the school is to blame that her child failed the national phonics test in year 1 – she has never once read with her kid, ‘that is the teachers job’ and actively discourages him from reading – makes comments he wants to feel better than others, brainbox – proper nightmare Matilda’s parents style. She is an extreme example but the responsibility is ours right? (For reference, I work full time but try and make learning as time efficient/fun as possible – eg. Got a CD of all the times tables in a song to put in the car so whenever we travel to do something we sing the song of the times tables they are learning that week) etc.

[Theoldprospector]

‘You are not a teacher. You do not know the tried and tested methods of introducing new concepts or following the national curriculum and keeping in line with what other children are learning.’

Teachers aren’t necessarily better at teaching an individual child though. The skill in teaching is primarily teaching groups together to a specific curriculum within a time frame.

A child who is home educated with siblings in a different curriculum is no less educated, even though their parent may not have the ability to teach 30 children to reach government determined targets.

[NiceGerbil]

Well yabu obv.

School is a long time. If you can be the primary person to teach them physics, history, tech, art, biology, English etc at GCSE or a level then well you're very impressive indeed.

Your approach also means that parents who don't have time/ English as a first language/ the skills to do even the things you mention are essentially rubbish parents.

We have schools they are generally good. They are there to educate. Teachers are qualified professionals.

I mean do whatever you want but judging others is pretty rubbish.

[OlympicProcrastinator]

It’s also important to raise your children not to be judgemental smug twats who can’t see past their own privilege. You know, just being a decent a human.

How are you getting on with that OP?

[NiceGerbil]

'
A child who is home educated with siblings in a different curriculum is no less educated, even though their parent may not have the ability to teach 30 children to reach government determined targets.'

Really?

How many parents could teach maths further maths physics chemistry for a level.

And if that's their area and the other child is interested in geography history art and philosophy...?

[TravelDreamLife]

I used to work in tertiary Ed & a long term study on children's education showed real success came from parents who engage with their kids learning & most important - show why learning is important by example & what wonderful things come of it.

Forcing it can cause them to hate learning. This is true ime. My DH was force fed & he shut down, failed high school & study still terrifies him. Our own DC drive us nuts with asking how this works, why.. why . WHY...... lol.

[HappyDays40]

Nice little bit of virtue signalling smugness there OP.......oh my goodness I must go, I almost missed five year old child's Philosophy lesson

[SmellyOldOwls]

The comment about 'shapes and 123' gives away your child's age- of course you're responsible for your child's pre school education. Teaching shapes and 123 is easy. But children are at school for 5-6 hours a day and you're deluded if you think sticking a CD on in the car or reading a few books is equal to the many hours spent in the classroom with a teacher.

I've been told lots of times not to try to teach phonics or anything else before the school does it. You run the risk of doing it totally wrong and confusing your child. Also the teacher will want to lay the foundations for reading, writing and maths and strong foundations are needed because the 'house' that these skills are built on will collapse if the foundations are weak.

There are so many actually helpful things you can do to support your child in school. Like getting them there on time, making sure they're well fed, providing plenty of opportunity for developing gross motor skills (through outdoor play) and fine motor skills (providing art material, play doh, Lego) that gets their little hands ready for writing. But as for actually teaching them - leave it to the professionals.

[Ericaequites]

If you saw how badly Common Core Mathematics are taught in the US, you’d teach your children as much as possible at home.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

Disagree.

We aren't all capable of teaching our children. I help DS where I can but I did not do well at school myself, I've got no qualifications and I wouldn't have a hope in hell of guiding him through GCSEs. That's why I send him to school, to be taught by qualified teachers who know what they are talking about. If I wanted to be responsible for his education then I'd home school.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

Oh and not everyone can afford to move near a good school, my DS goes to a good school but I happened to be living in the catchment area anyway. As a single parent, living near to my family for support is more important to me than living near good schools.

[Orangejuicemarathoner]

schools are for academic education. parents for everything else, plus a large amount of support for academic education, so actually more than half of education comes from parents not school

[FloconDeNeige]

You talk about times tables currently, but how are you planning on teaching them quadratic equations and photosynthesis when the time comes, OP?

I’m confident in supporting (not necessarily teaching) my kids in science until A-Levels, at least. I have a PhD in chemistry myself. For all other subjects, I need professional teachers.

This is also why I disagree with home school in all but the most exceptional circumstances as any home educator typically wouldn’t have neither the breadth nor depth of subject matter expertise, let alone training in pedagogy etc. that teachers have.

Ultimately as a parent it’s your responsibility to make sure your child gets an education (although given that it’s so important, the state don’t entrust this to parents in entirety). But it’s not your direct responsibility to actually be their primary educator, no.

[FreeBritnee]

You we’re going to just learn Spanish and Chinese fluently but didn’t get round to it?!

[1AngelicFruitCake]

It did make me laugh that you went on about parents teaching their children and how you were going to teach them English, Chinese and Spanish and so taught them…English!

[lljkk]

reads like journalist could have written OP

[MiddleParking]

@FreeBritnee

You we’re going to just learn Spanish and Chinese fluently but didn’t get round to it?!

Weren’t we all before we went on our first maternity leave?

[Gingerlovesbiscuits]

I don’t think parents should be primary educators but it is certainly helpful if they help at home with things like reading and usually the kids that do well in class are those who have some support at home too. The reality of schools these days are huge classes with no TA support. With so many children to get round, I certainly don’t manage to hear the kids in my own class read as much as I’d like so those reading at home on a daily basis will often make greater progress than those relying on school alone. We do try to target kids who aren’t supported at home but we haven’t got the staff to replicate daily 121 home reading. As a working mum I know how hard it is but I also see how thinly stretched education staff are these days. Schools try to encourage parental engagement for a reason.

[CookieDoughKid]

I think you're being given a hard time here. I think culturally, what you are saying is at odds with the majority in UK. I'm Chinese, and my children are a little bit older than you. I agree that the basics should be covered just as you describe. To previous poster, yes I can teach quadratics, and even calculus. I can teach photosynthesis and more but then I have a degree in Chemistry and did Maths at 1st year University. I admit to helping my children when they get stuck. My husband has a degree in Politics, A levels in History, Law as well. Between us we can help our children across the curriculum. I have moved house twice , and personally tutored both children to get in a superselective Grammar school. At Grammar school parents evening, a large number are Asian parents, even though we represent a tiny small percentage of UK parent population, it is not a coincidence they all want to apply to Grammar school. There are white parents and all kinds of nationalities just as invested.. they spend life time amounts of money on tutors, private to education and so on.

I'd say keep your beliefs to yourself, but be open minded that we come from a position of privilege and most people can't apply these principles.

I think we come from a position of great privilege and most can't give what we can give. It doesn't mean they are not good parents. But it does mean, the playing field is not level when it comes to opportunity for our children. For example, my neighbor is an architect and has offered a work in experience placement at his practice to my daughter. It's not fair and it's not right but that's how the world rolls
Life is not fair. Studies show, academic success is down to how involved the parents are at home. They may not be in a position to teach calculas but they will spot weak points and they will work out ways to find a solution or help.

[FlemCandango]

In primary school what you say is all very fine op. I definitely contributed heavily in the children's progress. Now with 12-17 yo kids I have very little to add to DS further maths and physics A level studies🤔😂

[Toodlydoo]

I agree with you to an extent, I think it’s my job to get DD started and support her and the school and yup when the time comes the school my Dd goes to will matter very much to me. I expect to be an involved and encouraging parent. But it’s very much a hand in hand thing, school teaches, I help on the edges where I can.

It’s also one thing to admit you aren’t equipped to help teach your kids (chemistry 😱 - can’t do it) it’s different to discourage as your friend does. I’d definitely judge a parent for mocking their child for taking an interest in books.

[WoozySnoozy]

That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools well good for you. Not everyone can afford to move. Not everyone can live by multiple good schools, someone has to go to the "bad" schools

Your post comes across a bit smug tbh. I mean well done for getting a cd of songs but what do you want? A medal? People are all trying to do their best. They might not have the confidence to teach their children. They might want to let their kids play out of school time. They might not know 3 different languages to teach their child.

[WoozySnoozy]

@BrendaBubbles

Only in the same way that you’re their main doctor as well. You might administer first aid and give them medicine but you still let a professional do the serious stuff..

Great analogy.

[Toodlydoo]

Also tbh I am not from a privileged background (also 2nd gen immigrant) but every single one of my siblings and maternal cousins went to a grammar school. So I’d be a bit wary of accusing someone of having privilege just because they value education. Mostly families like ours value it precisely because of having limited opportunities themselves.

[Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep]

I taught my daughter to make a cup of tea yesterday. Right now I'm lying in bed and can hear her making me one for the first time on her own. I heartily support teaching your children. I tend to stick to useful life skills though

[1AngelicFruitCake]

@GeorgiaGirl52

What sort of memories will your children have? Riding in the car with mother and reciting the times tables? Nighttime spelling quizzes?
Maybe picnics where they have to give the Latin names of all the trees?
If you really do all that you claim, then there is not time for fun and making memories. I learned to read at the age of 4. I do not remember how, but it must have been my mother as there was no one else in my life. But I remember clearly picking up sticks in the back yard, taping them together and covering them with newspaper to have the world's worst kite. Then taking it to my mother who gave me a piece of string and an old lipstick so I could "decorate" it and then fly it. The lipstick meant more to me than the reading.

This is short sighted and why schools have problems with parental engagement. Saying tables in the car or practising 5 spellings before bed doesn’t take away from ‘making memories’ (hate that phrase). So many parents I meet at my child’s school more or less sneer at the thought of doing additional learning out of school. Some of my friends who think nothing of spending hours booking and paying for events to attend with their children are the same parents who seem baffled their child isn’t doing as well as they could be. After all, reading at night or practising times tables in the car requires effort from the parent and is not a Facebook moment that they’re going to get likes for!