To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

[washingmachines4]

To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there. There are times I have failed, my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.
That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools. Things can change, we could have got unlucky, in the 5 years after moving before they started school they all could have gone downhill, unlikely but possible, in which case we would have moved again. An acquaintance of mine says this is insane but will always justify sending her kid to the closest school rather than moving to be near the best school for her kid. She also thinks the school is to blame that her child failed the national phonics test in year 1 – she has never once read with her kid, ‘that is the teachers job’ and actively discourages him from reading – makes comments he wants to feel better than others, brainbox – proper nightmare Matilda’s parents style. She is an extreme example but the responsibility is ours right? (For reference, I work full time but try and make learning as time efficient/fun as possible – eg. Got a CD of all the times tables in a song to put in the car so whenever we travel to do something we sing the song of the times tables they are learning that week) etc.

[Alonelonelylonersbadidea]

OP you are either unhinged or a troll (maybe both).

How old is your child?
Good luck with that ( for your child I mean).

[ElectricDeChocobo]

I don't think OP's coming back. Wind 'em up and watch 'em go.

[Lndnmummy]

FFS, one of the worst stealth boasts I've seen this year. Well done OP, do you want a sticker?

[LuaDipa]

@WellLarDeDar

OP I think you should give your kids teachers a bit more credit!

Exactly!

I am not capable of being my kids’ primary educator. To be honest, I’ve been bugger all use since the Jolly Phonics days. My kids are bright and do pretty well at school but it’s nothing to do with me and everything to do with their teachers.

[TiredButDancing]

I completely disagree. Of course, your friend's approach is also totally wrong. But there must be a middle ground. If it is the parent's primary responsibility then we are setting up so many children to fail because not all parents have the skills, knowledge, time, temperament to do this and therefore their children will not learn.

Theoretically, one of the best things about school is that it offers all children an equal playing field. Of course, it doesn't really because there are so many additional factors at play. But it certainly is more of a level playing field than relying on parents entirely.

[mbosnz]

Sorry, haven't read the full thread, but to me, education of our children is like a three legged stool. One leg is the parents, one leg is the school and teachers, and one leg is the child. All three are equally important. Without one of those legs, the stool will fall over.

I think our family strength has been a focus on education, on an ethos that no learning opportunity fully utilised, is ever wasted. So if you're learning algebra - you might never use it again, but you've learned something new, and it has exercised your mind.

Our girls have been very privileged. They don't know how privileged. I give thanks that we've been able to give them that privilege, and understanding and humility that so many others are not so able. I think (hope) most parents do their best, but it's according to their priorities, means, and understanding.

(For me, I had trouble understanding the viewpoint of another mother whose main concern was that her daughter was popular. Different strokes!)

[HoppingPavlova]

All the attacks on OP have a hint of envy about them.

Nope. The OP just doesn’t realise their view is narrow minded.

We didn’t pretend to be primary educators and (shock, horror), all of ours achieved prestigious uni courses. We let the teachers do their jobs. Sure, here and there an odd one may have been a bit dodgy but the whole class rolled with it and caught up in no time when they got a new teacher the following year.

The OP is in for a real shock with their line of thinking. I have one that is gifted (got the paperwork and all), sure it got them into good uni course, great outcomes and good job. Guess what, some of their siblings who are not gifted are now racing ahead in careers - may not get as good mark in an academic test but they are extremely people savvy, great networkers, work well in teams etc which counts for more in real life. But I do admit none are quadruple lingual so what do I know hey. But envy for the OP’s smug carry on without realising how it all translates to real life for kids post-school, nope.

[TheKeatingFive]

Some people think differently to you OP, what a shocker.

Your OP reads like you’re fishing for compliments. That’s rarely popular on here.

[HarebrightCedarmoon]

Up to a point, certainly with the early years basics.

But after a few years the maths was over my head, certainly the advanced stuff DD1 did in Y5 and Y6. And while I can help - a bit - with say, History, English and languages homework at secondary school most things are beyond my level now even though I have a post-graduate education- it's 30 years since I left secondary school! I can't remember this stuff.

My role is helping them become gradually more independent, and eventually to be independent adults. Helping them to be organised for school, well fed and watered at home, facilitating their home study and supporting their emotional needs.

[RincewindsHat]

@TweetyPieBird

Also *@washingmachines4* what do you mean by “teaching my DC Chinese”? Which Chinese dialect? Can you read Chinese characters and know all the dialects (or even one, for that matter).

Technically yes. The written language is standardised across dialects. So even though Mandarin & Cantonese are mutually incomprehensible when spoken, a newspaper written & published in Beijing will be read & understood exactly the same in HK (assuming the reader knew both simplified & traditional characters of course). So if you just learned reading and writing, you'd have learnt Chinese. No such thing as learning to read or write Mandarin, or learning to read and write Hakka. It's all Chinese.

[thinkbiglittleone]

So, yes you are responsible for providing your child the chance at the best education within your means.

You are obviously handing over the reigns for the teacher to be their primary educator when they go to school as they spend the majority of their day there, but you also need to provide education.

It is absolutely your job as a parent to support your child in their education and learning at home and I think some people actually forget that a teacher is there to educate your child in line with the curriculum, not to potty train them, not to tie their shoe laces, not to teach them to use a knife and fork, not to teach them manners etc

It is for the parent to do their own homework and put their child in the best school they can possibly get them into, to make time to read with them and help them with homework etc, it should be a joint effort.

[peasoup8]

You were planning to learn Chinese to teach it to your child? An impressive goal but I’m not surprised you didn’t manage it!

[JustWorriedSick]

Sound the Smug Alarm. We have a winner.

[Scoutingformygirls]

I really disagree with the point that moving house to be nearer a school you consider to be better is good parenting.

DC need many things to grow and thrive and being part of their local community is a big part of that imo. Having local friends, being able to walk or cycle to school, making strong connections in your local area and feeling supported and rooted etc ..

The idea that you up and leave everyone you get a slightly dodgy teacher or there is a disruptive phase with staff turnover or something is bonkers.

Defining what is "better" for children and their education is the stuff of a thousand variables.

[Generallystruggling]

Parents have a big responsibility but they are not the primary educators if they choose to send their children to school to be taught by professional teachers. If you homeschool then sure but if they’re at school, then teachers are paid and trained to teach. There are things parents can help with and I don’t think any parent should be absolved of all educational responsibility but if you send them to school, it’s to be taught by professionals.

[Suzysunflower]

@lazylinguist

On reflection, I think it's not just smug, it's actually blatantly untrue. It's one thing to claim that what your child learns at nursery or primary school is 'a bonus' (though it's still ridiculous imo), but unless you're planning to be delivering the GCSE or A Level syllabuses at home, I don't see how you can claim that what secondary schools provide is a bonus.

I agree with this

[Suzysunflower]

@3scape

Its a shame, but no child in the lower school is going to learn much in a class of 30 or so. Learning to concentrate around that many other people probably takes up most of the day.

what? do you have kids? do you have any experience of this at all? Most children at primary have large class sizes and they do learn!!

[3scape]

Its a shame, but no child in the lower school is going to learn much in a class of 30 or so. Learning to concentrate around that many other people probably takes up most of the day.

[lazylinguist]

On reflection, I think it's not just smug, it's actually blatantly untrue. It's one thing to claim that what your child learns at nursery or primary school is 'a bonus' (though it's still ridiculous imo), but unless you're planning to be delivering the GCSE or A Level syllabuses at home, I don't see how you can claim that what secondary schools provide is a bonus.

[Suzysunflower]

I think it's our responsibility to give out children a safe place to stay, healthy food, a moral compass and a positive attitude towards learning.

Then there will be varied approaches. I loved reading with them and we did it for a long time - however I did not feel it was my job to help with fractions, etc. unless they were struggling and then I'd help out.

It is wonderful now that my younger offspring is towards the end of secondary school and asks for my input in the subjects in which I am involved professionally, that is such a gift that is been given to me, to involve me in that and see a side of my child that I had not really known before.

where is the OP, though?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@washingmachines4

To think you as a parent are responsible for your child’s education.

I have always considered myself the primary educator of my child, manners, shapes, ABC, 123, speech, reading and over time that evolves into fractions, telling the time and so forth. I view any education at school as a bonus, to my mind I want them socialising and learning how to interact with others well when they are there. There are times I have failed, my husband and I said we were going to be a multilingual family and bring up our kids with English, Spanish and Chinese – we didn’t learn Spanish and Chinese so fell at that hurdle.
That said, I wouldn’t consider allowing them to go to any old school, before we had children we moved house and one of the criteria for me was that we were in a catchment for multiple good schools. Things can change, we could have got unlucky, in the 5 years after moving before they started school they all could have gone downhill, unlikely but possible, in which case we would have moved again. An acquaintance of mine says this is insane but will always justify sending her kid to the closest school rather than moving to be near the best school for her kid. She also thinks the school is to blame that her child failed the national phonics test in year 1 – she has never once read with her kid, ‘that is the teachers job’ and actively discourages him from reading – makes comments he wants to feel better than others, brainbox – proper nightmare Matilda’s parents style. She is an extreme example but the responsibility is ours right? (For reference, I work full time but try and make learning as time efficient/fun as possible – eg. Got a CD of all the times tables in a song to put in the car so whenever we travel to do something we sing the song of the times tables they are learning that week) etc.

This attitude is all very well when you are talking about teaching shapes, numbers, letters etc, @washingmachines4 - but could fall down when it comes to teaching physics, chemistry, history, languages etc at a senior school level.

To be honest, it sounds to me as if your child/children are still infant school age - and it is much easier to teach the sort of things taught in an Infant school than in a secondary school or Sixth Form.

I know that people do home-school their children all the way to 18, so it can be done - but I highly doubt it is as easy as your OP suggests.

[Dozycuntlaters]

YABU and you sound exhausting. Yes it's a parents responsibility to encourage and nurture our childs learning, but we are not teachers, we can only teach them so much. You sound very judgemental on anyone who doesn't do things the way you think they should be done but then admitted that although you wanted to teach them spanish and chinese, you didn't. People lead busy lives. For my sons secondary education I was a single parent, working full time with another job that required occasional evening work. As for playing times tables in the car, that just sounds ludicrous. Let them be kids, let them enjoy fun, no everything has to be educational.

[Echobelly]

I think parents should read to their kids and talk to them but shouldn't be expected to teach reading, numbers etc. Parents should lay foundations buy no need to teach specifics.

And bilingual parenting is great if a parent is fluent or a native speaker but I think learning a language in order do so is way OTT and not likely to work.

[Icecreamsoda99]

Why is this woman your friend? She sound horrific.

Laughing out loud that you thought you were all going to learn Spanish and Chinese in order to teach your children, I mean it's a nice idea but completely unrealistic! Even stranger that you and your DH feel you have failed when the obvious thing was to send them to classes from a younger age.

Moving school...well it kind of counters the fact you believe it's your job to educate your kids as you moved to get them into a school where you thought they would benefit from a better education from their teachers and surroundings.

[Thebookswereherfriends]

I agree that parents need to have an input in order for children to be truly successful at school, but I think that input really only needs to be ensuring you read to them/with them, helping out/showing an interest in homework and supporting school learning. I have a child who is very resistant to doing “schoolwork” at home. Now at the age of 8 she has finally realised it’s easier to get on with homework and get it out the way than sit and moan about it and will happily read before bed, but doing times tables and spellings on anything other than an app completely stresses her out and so those things only get done once a day for 5 mins. I know that’s still more than many children get.