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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drinking in pregnancy

463 replies

PurplePizzaCake · 22/09/2021 21:24

AIBU in thinking it's OK to have the odd glass of wine while pregnant? Maybe 2 very small glasses a week?

Yes = YABU and shouldn't drink that much/anything at all

No= it's fine to have the odd glass

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 23/09/2021 12:57

I wonder if those bleating on about how selfish and dreadful it is to drink any amount of alcohol in pregnancy, make sure that once their child is born, they never feed them fast food, processed food, or sodas?
A diet of junk will do far more damage to a kid than the odd glass of wine during pregnancy.

But of course it’s much easier to control pregnant women with misinformation, scaremongering and judgement and goes to show why this forum is a shit show when it actually comes to advice.

ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 13:13

Find it very odd that someone who wants children is quite happy to risk them being born with issues caused by their own decisions

That's literally every woman, ever. Including you. Your kids could have been born with issues caused by your own decisions.

Not to mention the issues they'll have growing up with such a judgy mother Hmm

ohfook · 23/09/2021 13:23

@Skysblue

Yabu. It’s a very stupid thing to do.

Doctors sometimes tell women that a very little alcohol is fine, because they know at stress is also v bad for baby, and they believe they’re talking to a woman who won’t be able to give up alcohol completely so they might as well say a little is fine (plus they haven’t read the latest research). But if you do the research you will learn that even a teeny tiny amount of alcohol can cause permanent brain damage to the foetus. Much depends on how old the foetus is, as at some stages of development, even a glass of wine can cause damage. Drinking in pregnancy has also been linked to child ADHD and autism, the rates of which are shooting up in England - but not in countries where pregnant women don’t drink alcohol.

Do you know at what stage of foetal development the child’s brain is most vulnerable to alcohol? No? Suggest you google instead of coming on Mumsnet looking for support for a stupid choice the consequences of which you and your child may have to live with for a very long time.

Can you please show me any of this research.
ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 13:32

But if you do the research you will learn that even a teeny tiny amount of alcohol can cause permanent brain damage to the foetus. Much depends on how old the foetus is, as at some stages of development, even a glass of wine can cause damage

What a big pile of stinking horseshit.

VestaTilley · 23/09/2021 13:47

It’s really not a good idea. Too much isn’t known about the effects of sustained drinking in pregnancy - and it’s sustained even in “low” volumes.

Can you really not go 9 months without a drink?

Remember a glass of wine isn’t much booze to a grown up - but it’s probably a hell of a lot to a developing baby.

I’m not perfect, I had the odd drop in pregnancy - but it was a small glass of champagne on Christmas Day, half a G&T on my birthday, and a sip of G&T and a sherry on the day of my DGM’s funeral.

Not worth it.

sineadteh · 23/09/2021 14:08

@VestaTilley

It’s really not a good idea. Too much isn’t known about the effects of sustained drinking in pregnancy - and it’s sustained even in “low” volumes.

Can you really not go 9 months without a drink?

Remember a glass of wine isn’t much booze to a grown up - but it’s probably a hell of a lot to a developing baby.

I’m not perfect, I had the odd drop in pregnancy - but it was a small glass of champagne on Christmas Day, half a G&T on my birthday, and a sip of G&T and a sherry on the day of my DGM’s funeral.

Not worth it.

Can you really not go 9 months without drinking?

LittleGwyneth · 23/09/2021 14:09

I don't know if I would do that much every week. A few sips of champagne at weddings for a toast, maybe a little 100ml glass at Christmas or birthday, but two glasses a week every single week feels like quite a regular exposure.

From my understanding, it's best to avoid totally in the first trimester and then if you're going to do it, keep it as small as possible in the second and third. As other people have said, it's so easy for a glass to be 25% of a bottle (I'm a demon for overfilling people's glasses) so I would be measuring it first to make sure it's actually just 100ml.

I totally understand why you'd want to - I adore wine, and drinking it feels like a part of what makes me me. I think it's very easy for people who don't have drinking as part of their life to say that it's 'just not worth it'. For me a tiny little bit intermittently is worth it, it's joining in and feeling like my old self.

Ultimately it's your body and your choice, there's no right or wrong answer, you make the choices that feel right and safe to you.

LittleGwyneth · 23/09/2021 14:13

@Brokensunflower

I wouldn't put coffee in my newborns bottle yet I drink that.

You aren't supposed to drink caffeine in pregnancy either.

It really comes down to whether you want to prioritise yourself or your baby. It's the same as birth, breastfeeding, weaning. Simple life or best for baby.

The NHS says it's fine to have up to to 200mg of caffeine, so let's not spread misinformation.
ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 14:21

so let's not spread misinformation

Bit late for that, this thread is full of it already.

grey12 · 23/09/2021 14:24

@CecilyP

If you can't commit to not drinking while pregnant (it IS dangerous!!) how can you commit to take care of a newborn?!

That really is one of the most ridiculous questions I've ever read on mumsnet! It is only in the last few decades that not drinking in pregnancy has been a thing, yet there are plenty of over 30's around to show that they were well cared for as newborns!

How about we look at all the healthy living adults who didn't use seatbelts Smile (myself included!!) while we forget about all the ones who HAD problems
TheKeatingFive · 23/09/2021 14:28

How about we look at all the healthy living adults who didn't use seatbelts smile (myself included!!) while we forget about all the ones who HAD problems

I’m not sure what the relevance of this point is.

There is very clear data to show the impact introducing seatbelts had on severity of RTA injuries. Pre and post.

Some of us have been asking where the similar data exists to show that changes in guidelines have impacted FASD levels. If half the claims on here are true there should have been a marked fall off since guidelines changed. But no data is forthcoming,

FreedomFaith · 23/09/2021 14:31

@ManifestDestinee

Find it very odd that someone who wants children is quite happy to risk them being born with issues caused by their own decisions

That's literally every woman, ever. Including you. Your kids could have been born with issues caused by your own decisions.

Not to mention the issues they'll have growing up with such a judgy mother Hmm

Very defensive for someone who must think it's OK. If you're so sure you're right and I'm wrong, you wouldn't be this bothered surely? Smile You'd be happy knowing that you could drink whatever you want during pregnancy and it would have no effect on your baby.

If you think it's fine, continue on. As I'm neither the mother nor the baby, it does not affect me. But I would judge, yes.

ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 14:45

Very defensive for someone who must think it's OK. If you're so sure you're right and I'm wrong, you wouldn't be this bothered surely?

I'm not defensive, my fertile days are long behind me. I'm bothered by all the sanctimonious women lying about the subject. What's that about? Is it some kind of weird boasting or is it just that you swallowed the lies of others and feels the need to pass it on...as realising how readily you absorbed their nonsense and how gullible you were would make you feel very silly?

Judge away, and I'll do the same.

PartyPotato · 23/09/2021 14:47

I had one drink a couple of times a month when pregnant. I think it’s fine. But twice a week sounds a bit much.

FreedomFaith · 23/09/2021 14:51

@ManifestDestinee

Very defensive for someone who must think it's OK. If you're so sure you're right and I'm wrong, you wouldn't be this bothered surely?

I'm not defensive, my fertile days are long behind me. I'm bothered by all the sanctimonious women lying about the subject. What's that about? Is it some kind of weird boasting or is it just that you swallowed the lies of others and feels the need to pass it on...as realising how readily you absorbed their nonsense and how gullible you were would make you feel very silly?

Judge away, and I'll do the same.

So can you guarantee to me that every single child in the world born with the mother having drunk a glass of wine a week, or any amount of alcohol during pregnancy, will be safe from FAS? Can you guarantee that?

Really, considering the uk is amongst the highest for the amount of children born with FAS, that would suggest you couldn't possibly guarantee that even one glass would definitely not cause it. Less risk, perhaps, but guarantee nothing will happen? Do you know exactly how much alcohol is safe and can prove that?

TheKeatingFive · 23/09/2021 14:56

So can you guarantee to me that every single child in the world born with the mother having drunk a glass of wine a week, or any amount of alcohol during pregnancy, will be safe from FAS? Can you guarantee that?

I can’t guarantee that no unborn baby will be harmed by their mother being in an RTA while taking a non essential car trip, but we don’t endlessly harangue woman for that.

Life is a balance of risks. Getting out of bed in the morning is a risk. Staying there is also a risk.

The data available on the subject tells us that the risk of occasional drinking in pregnancy is minimal. The focus on this compared to much more significant risk factors (obesity) is ridiculous.

ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 15:01

So can you guarantee to me that every single child in the world born with the mother having drunk a glass of wine a week, or any amount of alcohol during pregnancy, will be safe from FAS? Can you guarantee that

Can you guarantee that every single child in the world whose mother had a cup of coffee once a week will be safe from the terrible effects of caffiene?
No, of course you can't.

Everything you eat and drink in pregnancy can theoretically harm your foetus. A salad sandwich could give you listeria that kills the foetus, or leads to it being born blind and brain damaged. Do you harangue every pregnant woman who eats salad? Do you tell her "it's only 9 months, how can you be so selfish?"
Of course you don't. The risks of a glass of wine a week while pregnant are lower than eating salad, are lower than driving in a car, are lower than flying, are lower than crossing the road.
But you choose just this infinitisemal risk that you think there is. Why? Because you did all the other things and wouldn't care to be criticised for them?

FreedomFaith · 23/09/2021 15:18

@TheKeatingFive @ManifestDestinee

If you know those things are potentially dangerous too, then why add another? Roughly 7000 babies each year in the UK are born with FAS, is that worth it to you?

I feel a bit sorry for those children to be honest. It could have been stopped by simply not drinking alcohol. A car crash can happen through no fault of the pregnant driver. Women (unless you both have some sort of brilliant vision I don't have) can't see bacteria on food, so again they can't know it's happening. Caffiene is already another product pregnant women are advised not to have, but this thread is about alcohol.

Those children have issues through a choice made by their mother. I do find that sad.

Original poster
PurplePizzaCake · 23/09/2021 15:26

Wow, there are some very opinionated people here.

I am in no way dependent on alcohol. I love wine and savour the small glasses I've had (and I do mean small, 75-100ml) I definitely don't drink to get drunk and don't miss the drunk feeling, there just isn't a non alcoholic wine as a substitute so I think I will continue to treat myself to the odd drink, perhaps every 2-3 week. Or just have a taste of my husband's drink.

I don't drink caffeine, never smoked and I'm healthy and not overweight. My mum drank in moderation while pregnant with me and I've turned out OK. Although I imagine some people on here might disagree as I am a selfish, unreasonable mother.

I had the odd drink while pregnant with my now 2 year old who seems to be thriving. So I think I managed to care for a newborn, even though I breastfed and also had the odd glass of wine then too Shock

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 23/09/2021 15:27

Those children have issues through a choice made by their mother.

The choice to get into a car for a non essential trip is also made by the mother.

The choice to eat salad also made by the mother.

The choice to not get a handle on weight also made by the mother,

Virtually everything we do carries tiny risk. No one has yet provided any data to suggest that drinking small amounts is anything more than a minuscule risk.

ManifestDestinee · 23/09/2021 15:38

If you know those things are potentially dangerous too, then why add another? Roughly 7000 babies each year in the UK are born with FAS, is that worth it to you?

Because it ISN'T adding another. The odd glass of wine does not cause FAS, I know that and I think you do to. The fact that it is only 7,000 out of about 750,000 per year shows that. If occasional drinking caused FAS there would be many multiples of it, and almost everyone of my generation in my home country would have it, as all of our mothers regularly drank wine in pregnancy.

You thinking something is a risk doesn't make it a risk, but in all honesty I don't beleive you think it is a risk.

LittleGwyneth · 23/09/2021 15:40

@ManifestDestinee a fair point!

sineadteh · 23/09/2021 15:42

Those children have issues through a choice made by their mother. I do find that sad.

FAS is very sad. Babies aren't getting FAS from their mother having a wine at Christmas. Just seems another stick to beat people with rather than genuine concern

Ponoka7 · 23/09/2021 15:49

@FreedomFaith

"If women choose to drink alcohol, they are advised to have no more than 1-2 units of alcohol no more than 1-2 times a week, as there is no evidence of harm at this level." Taken from a BMA/NICE/RCOG clinical paper.

Different bodies of research have shown that between 40-78% of pregnant women drink alcohol. If it was any amount of alcohol we'd be seeing more FAS and considerably more during other decades.

"The sole risk factor is maternal consumption of alcohol during pregnancy. Not all women who drink heavily during pregnancy have babies with FAS and it is clear that other factors affect the vulnerability of the fetus. These include the stage of pregnancy affected, the pattern of drinking, the health, age, stress levels and nutritional status of the mother and the use of other toxic substances, including tobacco."

However feel free to present your peer reviewed research paper to the BMA, to say otherwise.

YourFinestPantaloons · 23/09/2021 15:55

@shouldistop

2-3 glasses in one week is too much. Occasional drink is fine but to me that means one every couple of months because of a special occasion.
6 times a year is not occasional