AIBU re H and MIL

[ArdoCycle]

I feel like I am probably being a bit unreasonable…

I have 15 months old twins - I don’t trust my MIL to take them anywhere by themselves, and the thought of anyone except me or my mum or H having them fills me with anxiety. I have OCD which I know is partly to blame for the catastrophising I tend to do.

It was agreed with my H and I that his mum when taking the babies for walks would be with someone. She is not all that old, but is a bit doddery non the less and struggles with pushing the pram on hills etc. She also has form for not bringing them back when she’s supposed to, or for letting them cry rather than bring them home.

AIBU for being annoyed with my H for letting her take the babies for a 2 hour walk on her own?

I know she wouldn’t do anything to intentionally endanger them, but it’s very difficult for me to cope with the situation, which he is aware of, so I feel really upset that he’s done it anyway.

Mumtoallbhoys - except It was a choice made together to not have the babies out on their own together - if he changed his mind he should have communicated that surely?

OP YANBU at all and some of the replies here just show a horrible discriminatory mindset against people with MH problems.

I am the type of mum who LOVES other people to take care of my child - my parents, PIL, siblings, DH’s siblings, friends, babysitters, etc. I am very keen for having date nights, keeping up my hobbies, seeing friends, working - so I made sure I got comfortable with leaving DC from a very early age. BUT the key thing is I trust each and every one of those people. If any of them did something to make me doubt them I would immediately cut them from the list, because the stress I would feel while they had them would make it not worth the break for me.

Your MIL has given you many reasons not to trust her, so she’s lost the right to spend time alone with them. If your DH is “too tired” to stand up to her, then you will have to. For example, when she came back an hour late with no warning text, I would have lost it with her, told her she was completely out of order to make me worried that something had happened and I could no longer trust her so she was no longer going to have them alone.

Please don’t think “alone time” is needed to have a good relationship with GPs. I had a lovely, close relationship with both my grandmas but due to distance and old age etc I didn’t stay with either of them on my own until I was 7 and only saw them 2-3 times a year. So please put their safety first and tell your DH it’s about time he put his kids before his mum so he needs to tell her she can no longer be trusted to have them alone.

Wishing you strength OP, it’s difficult standing up to people, especially strong characters. But you can do it!

@ArdoCycle

How confident are you he agrees with you? Actions speak louder than words and he doesn't seem to follow through.

Genuinely I am sorry for the problems you have but, I feel sorry for him being stuck in the middle.