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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to cancel Christmas?

175 replies

Bridie20 · 21/09/2021 21:42

For context -
We are due to travel home (150 miles from where we live) for the Christmas period. 19-27th December - our wedding anniversary is within this time. We have booked an Airbnb (where we stayed for our wedding) and planned to host both sets of parents there.

However, since booking this I fell pregnant. Baby is likely to be between 1 and 3 weeks old on 19th December when we’re due to travel back.

AIBU to think we should cancel and just stay at home? I’d be happy for family to come to us if they stayed in a hotel (2 up, 2 down, tiny house- no spare room for guests as it’s in use as a nursery. Tiny kitchen) and we could have picky food, maybe go out for Christmas dinner or whatever.

I’m scared to even ask DH because we’ve been so excited about it, his parents don’t drive and we might spoil Christmas. But I feel like our time as a family unit with our newborn is more important than Christmas? And the idea of packing all that stuff at potentially 1/2/3 weeks postpartum 🤯 never mind having 8 nights away from home with a newborn… eek!

What would you do? FTM so absolutely no experience of travelling with a baby and how easy/hard it is.

OP posts:
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 22/09/2021 07:19

Don't do it , It's madness
Best to cancel now than last minute just in case ( touch wood) you might need a c section, baby has jaundice or something u forseen.

Your husband needs to grow up

JLQ1020 · 22/09/2021 07:20

Stay at home. We have a family wedding about 4 hours away and as suppose to be staying overnight but I'll have given birth at min 4 weeks before. I'll not be going and I've said to the bride and groom who totally understand but truthfully I didn't occur to them I couldn't go until I said to them. So I would definitely have the conversation early. Bet it goes better than u think

lannistunut · 22/09/2021 07:23

Cancel but don't host, you'll be off your head with tiredness etc. Just have a quiet one this year and do something later.

RAFHercules · 22/09/2021 07:27

Everyone on MN totally forbids you from hosting with a new baby. Enjoy Christmas at home and let people look after you Wink

Summerbreeze4 · 22/09/2021 07:27

First baby, definitely cancel. You will need to be at home, you don’t get much sleep in those early weeks.

bellabasset · 22/09/2021 07:43

I cannot understand why either set of parents would expect you to be travelling or doing anything much over Christmas with a tiny baby. Make it a no presents Christmas this year also. Good idea about the midwife telling you not to travel with a young baby. Being older I'm still of the mindset that new mums need rest and help for the first few weeks at least.

As an alternative to a hotel are you in an area where both sets of parents could book a cottage for a week and stay together? That way they could help by organising food there with you dropping in for part of the day. Let them get food deliveries organised.

Good luck with your little one hope s/he arrives on time.

hellywelly3 · 22/09/2021 07:45

You might still be in hospital or you could have a c section which would make it extremely uncomfortable to be in a car that long. You’ll still be getting visits from the midwife. I’d definitely cancel

RazorSharp · 22/09/2021 07:46

You've got to cancel!

Teakind · 22/09/2021 07:49

Hi OP, definitely cancel and don’t feel bad about it!

150 miles is a long way and I was told by midwives not to let a newborn be in a car seat for longer than 45 minutes at a time. This is because their oxygen levels can go down.

You will also be potentially still quite sore, hormonal and also be bleeding quite heavily. Add establishing breastfeeding to the mix (if that’s your plan) then it will just all be too much. All three of my babies cluster fed a lot during the early days so I would have found being in a car for any length of time impossible.

Also, as others have said, you will have midwife appointments to attend in the first two weeks so will need to be around.

Enjoy a cosy Christmas at home and perhaps suggest an Airbnb for Easter?

TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 22/09/2021 07:56

Way to close to birth! One of mine was 14 days late, are you factoring that in? Another was unwell and in hospital a week.

No same person can be expecting you to manage cluster feeding on a long car trip whilst still bleeding from birth. It’d be miserable. Not going is the only sane solution, let alone being a reasonable decision.

londonrach · 22/09/2021 08:00

Stay home. Baby not allowed to travel for long in car anyway. Midwife need to visit. You still recovering from birth and depending when due may not have had baby no stay at home. Don't even think of traveling. X

Pikamoo · 22/09/2021 08:01

I'd definitely cancel. We travelled with our newborn when she was 3 weeks old but we were guests of someone else so it was very much a last minute decision of whether we felt up to it. I assume that if you felt at the last minute you couldn't manage eg if the baby was overdue and only 1 week old then that would throw everyone's plans into disarray as presumably your parents wouldn't choose to spend Christmas with your in-laws unless you were there!

NotSure94 · 22/09/2021 08:11

Defo cancel and say it's on midwife's orders! You feasibly could still be pregnant when travelling down. Even big babies can be lazy on their due dates. When you have a baby people need to take that in to consideration and realise you can't keep popping in or driving miles to see them. It's just not fair or practical

Original poster
Bridie20 · 22/09/2021 09:37

@Dontforgetyourbrolly I’ve probably been harsh on DH in my OP. I haven’t even spoken to him about it - he will likely be very supportive when I do. He has been an angel throughout my pregnancy and has agreed to cancel going to weddings etc in October/November to keep us safe (Covid) without a hint of frustration. It’s more my overthinking that I’m letting everyone down I think!

However, this thread has absolutely made me realise it’s not about anyone else - it’s all about me, baby and DH. I don’t want to look back on our LO’s first few weeks and regret putting too much pressure on ourselves.

DH has an interview today so I didn’t want to overload him last night. Hopefully that will go well and I can have the conversation over the next few days! Smile

OP posts:
merrygoround88 · 22/09/2021 09:42

I am all for big family Christmases and I am also a big believer in getting up and at em after birth however there is simply no way I would travel 1 week post partum.

To put this in context I did travel abroad 7 weeks post Partum so I do believe in travelling with a newborn but just not when stitches may not have healed

Stay home

SunSparkle · 22/09/2021 09:44

Stay home! You will have a midwife coming to see you every few days and some people are still in hospital depending on the birth. even if they want to come and see you, you'll only feel up for short visits anyway before you all get tired and baby needs some downtime from all the cuddles and fussing. I had stitches and for the first 2-3 weeks was in pain and felt much better lying back on the sofa surrounded by comfy pillows and blankets rather than when guests were round and I was trying to host.

Minibea · 22/09/2021 10:11

Definitely stay put. At that stage I’d expect to be attending hospital/GP/HV regularly for weigh-ins and check-ups even assuming that things are going well. If you’re EBF you might still want to be accessing support with that and will almost certainly be cluster feeding around the clock. That’s without the thought of the 150m journey 😱 newborns can only be in their car seat for about 30 mins I think so it would be a lot of stops. I think it is sensible to cancel sooner rather than later! Good luck with your pregnancy 🙂

Beautiful3 · 22/09/2021 10:15

You really shouldn't travel after birth so quickly complications can arise after discharge. That's why the midwife checks up on you at home a few times. I developed severe mastitis, the midwife discovered it on a home visit, and arranged for me to see my gp within an hour! My sil developed complications post discharge, she ended up being blue lighted back into hospital. You need to stay home.

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 22/09/2021 11:30

I’m glad you’ve found this thread supportive, OP, and I hope your DH agrees quickly. We’re planning to go to my in-laws on Christmas Day when baby will only be a few days old (assuming I’ve been discharged by then) but it’s our second, they only live 25 minutes away and my MIL is a retired midwife so ideally placed to keep a close eye on me and offer support. Travelling any further to people who just want to see the baby would be madness!

Original poster
Bridie20 · 24/09/2021 21:02

Hi everyone, thanks so much for the replies the other day. My DH got the job! And so we’ve had the conversation about Christmas now. I got very teary because I said I was disappointed no one was concerned about me and how I would manage. He was a bit surprised - he hadn’t thought about it really. His initial reaction was that we’d be ‘fine’ but when I got upset at this (I was SO disappointed in this reaction after I told him I was worried about myself) I think it made him realise how concerned I was. He said we’d do whatever we needed to make sure that me and baby would be okay.
He asked me to send him some info about the postpartum phase (I nearly sent him this thread but I just felt it was a bit personal!) and when he’d seen lots of different info he said it was clearly a no brainer that we stay home. He then also said he wonders if our parents have forgotten how difficult those early days were… maybe? Anyway I asked him to be my advocate because it’s made me realise that I need someone to stick up for us and maintain our boundaries when I’m feeling weak pp. He said he’d already read about that being an important role of his and of course - so I’m really pleased we’re back on the same page and he’s being supportive.

Now, we just need to chat to our parents and sort out what we’re going to do. But I’m so glad I said something & didn’t just go along with it. Your words helped spur me on so thank you mumsnetters!

Now I just can’t wait to meet my little one even more & to have our lovely (albeit potentially very challenging!) relaxed newborn bubble as a 3.

Xxx

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 24/09/2021 21:04

Just a big, big No.
Stay out. If they’re that desperate to see you, they can come to your town and they can stay in the Airbnb.

No way on earth would we impose on our daughter and her husband with a newborn.

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/09/2021 21:05

Put, not out.

Really, don’t t stay out Grin

Cadent · 24/09/2021 21:08

Lovely update OP! Good luck.

EgSk · 24/09/2021 21:41

There is no way I could have physically done that after either of my children. I’ve seen some mums do it but it took me a few week to recover from both my labours (complications).

That aside, I was also in a foggy state those first 6 weeks from sleep deprivation, breastfeeding troubles and crazy hormones .

That’s my personal experience 😊

Youdoyoutoday · 24/09/2021 21:48

I'd stay at home