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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to cancel Christmas?

175 replies

Bridie20 · 21/09/2021 21:42

For context -
We are due to travel home (150 miles from where we live) for the Christmas period. 19-27th December - our wedding anniversary is within this time. We have booked an Airbnb (where we stayed for our wedding) and planned to host both sets of parents there.

However, since booking this I fell pregnant. Baby is likely to be between 1 and 3 weeks old on 19th December when we’re due to travel back.

AIBU to think we should cancel and just stay at home? I’d be happy for family to come to us if they stayed in a hotel (2 up, 2 down, tiny house- no spare room for guests as it’s in use as a nursery. Tiny kitchen) and we could have picky food, maybe go out for Christmas dinner or whatever.

I’m scared to even ask DH because we’ve been so excited about it, his parents don’t drive and we might spoil Christmas. But I feel like our time as a family unit with our newborn is more important than Christmas? And the idea of packing all that stuff at potentially 1/2/3 weeks postpartum 🤯 never mind having 8 nights away from home with a newborn… eek!

What would you do? FTM so absolutely no experience of travelling with a baby and how easy/hard it is.

OP posts:
WoozySnoozy · 21/09/2021 21:54

I would cancel..

Rememberallball · 21/09/2021 21:54

Don’t do it!! If you’re only 1 week post delivery you could well be mid hormone crash, trying to establish a feeding routine, bleeding from delivery, or recovering from a c section. Baby will only be able to be in car seat for 1/2 hour at a time before you need to take them out of it going by current recommendations so your journey could take hours longer than usual!!

We went away for 5 days between Christmas and new year when our twins were 4 months old and it was a nightmare. A 3 1/2-4 hour journey took more than 6 1/2 hours because of having to stop regularly. They didn’t settle and got fractious being passed around family members who were mostly meeting them for the first time. I travelled again with them this summer and found it still a stressful time but didn’t have the help of DH as he couldn’t get time off work so that probably contributed to the stress of it all.

waterrat · 21/09/2021 21:54

Nobody would expect you to do this.

For the first couple of weeks at least I was bleeding and in pajamas with my top off most if the time trying to get breastfeeding going.

WoozySnoozy · 21/09/2021 21:55

First month after birth I couldn't even leave the house and was an emotional wreck

WombatStewForTea · 21/09/2021 21:56

@jerometheturnipking

I’d be thinking more about it not being appropriate for a newborn to be in a car seat for that length of journey. Is 30 mins not the recommended limit for them before you should be stopping to take them out of their seat from an oxygen sats perspective?
This! Driving that far with a newborn would require multiple stops and I can't remember how long it is between the 30min limit but it's quite long.

Never mind the practicalities of travelling with a newborn. I had a straightforward birth but tricky start to breastfeeding. By week 3 I would have been fine to travel but you just don't know until then.

Are your parents and in-laws generally reasonable people? Surely they'd understand the not travelling with a newborn

Bethany7 · 21/09/2021 21:56

Totally stay at home!

TwinsandTrifle · 21/09/2021 21:56

The warts and all version is that you will be bleeding still, awake every couple of hours to feed baby, what if you've had a C-section... You can't be lifting heavy things around the kitchen, and the health visitor/midwives will want to come and visit you a couple of times in the first ten days or so, so you probably shouldn't be away from home anyway.

It's not a terrible idea OP, you just aren't aware of things, that if you were, you really wouldn't be thinking of doing this trip.

waterrat · 21/09/2021 21:57

I remember a friend asking me round fir Sunday lunch when my first was a week old and it was so ludicrous and so impossible to even think about it. I was barely able to have a conversation

Op when you have a tiny baby it is literally all you can think about. So baby feeding and sleeping is it. There is no other space in your brain. And for the first couple of months you will not be able to do anything that interrupts sleep or feeding.

It is a bit different second time round but still first few weeks have to be focused on being on nothing but the baby.

SummerInSun · 21/09/2021 21:57

You can't possibly do the trip. Either you or the baby may still be in hospital, but even if you are both in great shape no way will you want to. And such a small baby shouldn't be in a car seat for such a long drive anyway. You will want to be in your own space.

Your alternative plan of everyone coming to a hotel near you is much better. Tell everyone you'll do the air BnB plan next year, for the triple celebration of Christmas, wedding anniversary and baby's first birthday.

Wizzbangfizz · 21/09/2021 21:58

You would be mad to even consider this - stay at home OP

Notonthestairs · 21/09/2021 21:58

Definitely get them to visit you.

I'm not sure that the baby will be able to travel for long periods in the car.

You might still be bleeding, trying to get breast feeding going, midwives may expect to see you etc. You might be exhausted etc etc Literally dozens of reasons why travelling isn't in yours or the baby's best interests

Get it all out in to the open now so you can book food delivery slots (for others to cook) and they can book accommodation and travel.

EnidFrighten · 21/09/2021 21:58

Zero chance! You might be in hospital - it's not that uncommon, I was in for a week after DD was born because of feeding problems.

If you're out of hospital, you will be a milky bloody crying exhausted mess and the last thing you'll want is a long car journey or any stress. Those first weeks are like sas survival camp or something!

At most, get in laws to stay somewhere near you where you can see them or have them visit you. A two hour visit is about the limit with a newborn before you want to scream at people to get out.

Greytminds · 21/09/2021 21:59

I’d definitely cancel. 1-3 weeks post birth is not the time for travel. You might still be recovering from a c-section, or aspects of a vaginal birth. You might have only been home for a couple of days, having needed to stay in post birth.

Even if it all goes perfectly, I can’t imagine not being in my own home surrounded by everything I need, and having privacy to spend days in PJs and establish breastfeeding. I had a straightforward birth and healthy baby, and still struggled with the post-partum grimness of sore bits, bleeding, sweating and milk leakage! Definitely want a good supply of clean sheets and fresh PJs!

Then there’s a newborn to consider. There’s no way I would have driven 150 miles with DD at that age - would have been constantly worried about her being in the car seat too long, being stuck in bad weather, crying etc etc.

frazzledasarock · 21/09/2021 21:59

Post partum after my first baby I had so many stitches I could not walk properly for several weeks. The midwives were still visiting two weeks post partum and then I had infected stitches and it was all pretty exhausting and painful and no way would I have been able to sit for any length of time to go anywhere nor was I in any condition to host anyone.

I was also bleeding a lot. And was happier at home where I had access to everything I needed.

You would be out of your mind to plan anything bar staying in your pjs healing and bonding with your newborn.

underneaththeash · 21/09/2021 21:59

I’d cancel - but blame the midwife.
Say you were chatting to her about it and she said it would be a really bad idea due to check ups etc.
Reschedule for next year.

Aphrodite31 · 21/09/2021 21:59

Completely impossible to do this trip, or even plan it.

So you say very clearly to his mother that you can't be sure when the baby will come and how it will all go so would she mind if they came up to you instead, so you could have baby's first Xmas together? And they can be there to see the baby?

Driftingblue · 21/09/2021 22:00

You are not canceling Christmas. You are revising your Christmas plans to make them realistic for Christmas with a very young newborn.

At 2 weeks Dd was still needing daily medical visits and I could barely sit up without assistance. I might have laughed if someone suggested we travel 150 miles to spend a week somewhere, but I probably would have just started sobbing.

TwoAndCooPlease · 21/09/2021 22:01

My baby will be 3 months this year and we're not travelling to see anyone except grandparents who can't leave their home. I won't even make exception to see DPs parents as they're an hour away. YANBU

toomuchlaundry · 21/09/2021 22:02

Stay at home

Chloemol · 21/09/2021 22:04

Another one saying stay at home

Ozberry · 21/09/2021 22:04

Yes, stay home! My birthday is in mid December. I only found out last year that the year I was born was my mum and dad’s favourite Christmas ever. Their families lived a long way away and it was the only one they did with just them, my brother (who was nearly 3) and teeny tiny me.
They took it all at their own pace, no pressure and had a wonderful time.
I don’t remember it, obviously, but it sounds like it was a really magical, special, one off bonding time for them.

UndertheCedartree · 21/09/2021 22:04

In all honesty you really need to plan to stay at home and don't invite anyone either. At 1-3 weeks post-birth with my 1st I would not have been able to travel and was in quite a lot of pain not to mention shattered. I was trying and struggling to establish breastfeeding. I needed to be at home. People being over or going out to dinner would have been awful.

With my 2nd it was completely different as I had a short, easy birth - no stitches and breastfeeding came easily by then. But with my 1st no way! Cancel Christmas!

LizzieMacQueen · 21/09/2021 22:05

Can you get a airbnb close to your home for your relatives to stay at. They can then host the big dinners etc leaving your 2 up 2 down a haven away from the madness.

TheBestSpoon · 21/09/2021 22:05

I'm going to add the YANBU chorus. Had a straightforward birth with DS a week before Christmas, then got infected stitches, had to be readmitted and eventually got home on Christmas Day. We ended up hosting "Christmas" on 30th as I love it and didn't want to let my parents down (they live a distance away and were desperate to see the baby). Both families are lovely and considerate, my parents stayed in a hotel and I didn't lift a finger for Christmas dinner but, in retrospect, even that was still a bit too much to deal with. I would agree with PP who said to plan as little as possible then you can add things in if you're up to it, rather than disappointing people by having to cancel.

Ozberry · 21/09/2021 22:07

Don’t cancel Christmas, just do your own, the three of you. Take the new baby for a walk round d the lights or the Christmas markets, for a drink in the pub, to midnight mass, or whatever floats your boat. Stock up on lovely food before hand. Eat ALL the Quality Street!