Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to cancel Christmas?

175 replies

Bridie20 · 21/09/2021 21:42

For context -
We are due to travel home (150 miles from where we live) for the Christmas period. 19-27th December - our wedding anniversary is within this time. We have booked an Airbnb (where we stayed for our wedding) and planned to host both sets of parents there.

However, since booking this I fell pregnant. Baby is likely to be between 1 and 3 weeks old on 19th December when we’re due to travel back.

AIBU to think we should cancel and just stay at home? I’d be happy for family to come to us if they stayed in a hotel (2 up, 2 down, tiny house- no spare room for guests as it’s in use as a nursery. Tiny kitchen) and we could have picky food, maybe go out for Christmas dinner or whatever.

I’m scared to even ask DH because we’ve been so excited about it, his parents don’t drive and we might spoil Christmas. But I feel like our time as a family unit with our newborn is more important than Christmas? And the idea of packing all that stuff at potentially 1/2/3 weeks postpartum 🤯 never mind having 8 nights away from home with a newborn… eek!

What would you do? FTM so absolutely no experience of travelling with a baby and how easy/hard it is.

OP posts:
LobsterNapkin · 21/09/2021 22:24

I'd cancel - you might not even be well enough to travel, much less want to.

But I'd consider going to visit them earlier, instead.

HaggisBurger · 21/09/2021 22:25

The wise women of MN have spoken! Heed their words and best of luck 😊

Cherrysoup · 21/09/2021 22:29

You’re not supposed to travel a baby in a car seat for more than an hour. You’re unlikely to want to be away from home or host. You might be overdue! Let everyone know Christmas hosting is off the cards, you’ll see them when you feel up for it.

Lemonandlime123 · 21/09/2021 22:30

There is absolutely no way I'd be making that trip with a 1 to 3 week old. Your body will still be recovering from birth.

Amiwronghere · 21/09/2021 22:30

How has your mum not pointed out this is crazy? Confused

Droite · 21/09/2021 22:31

I think one of the most important issues is the fact that all the advice is against taking new borns on long driving trips. Point out to your DH that his family won't want damage to your baby on their consciences.

With any luck they'll realise anyway that the whole project isn't doable this year and agree to coming to visit you.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 21/09/2021 22:32

My perfect natural home birth turned into an emergency c section. There was no way that at 3 weeks post op I would have been able to do that. Not even a chance. It was so painful just going to the toilet. I really wouldn't be planning anything except a chilled day with your baby and people can pop through with chocolates.

GettingItOutThere · 21/09/2021 22:33

baby might be late, no way you should go if your due!

you might also be having birth complications

so no! i would not go. Cancel and enjoy christmas as a new family, and do not offer to host it will ruin your christmas and time with your new baby

ItWasAgathaAllAlong · 21/09/2021 22:34

Yanbu. For a start, 1st babies are often late up to 2 weeks after your 'due date'. More than that, they often need to be induced. Check with your mum too - the trend with late/induced 1st babies can be genetic to degree (it was in my case, and with every single female on the ward when I gave birth Shock.)

Also, you'll have midwife check-ups daily after giving birth for the first (where I live) 10 days, then HV visits to check you doing ok. So that's a reason to cancel if anyone asks!

Honestly, OP, stay home. You'll thank those of us who are saying that.

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 21/09/2021 22:36

Going against the grain a little, as someone who travelled for Christmas with a newborn, I think it would be easier in a nice spacious air b&b than having them all come to your town and then you feeling like you've to entertain them.

How would going out for Christmas dinner be easier than staying in? As for packing, do it now? Book food delivery slot in advance, fill the trolley online now and then it's simply a case of booking the slot when they become available and checking out.

All these horror stories aren't necessarily the reality, you might be glad to be near your family. I know I was!

bh2210 · 21/09/2021 22:36

I am in a similar position. Baby due 29 November. We have been VERY clear with all sides of the family that we are welcome to see people but WE WILL NOT BE HOSTING anyone or really doing a proper Christmas. My mum lives 400 miles away and she is up for the birth (planned section luckily) and the only one allowed to stay with us for my support but other than that people can stay in a hotel up the road.
Set the boundaries now :)

HarrisonStickle · 21/09/2021 22:36

It sounds like a nightmare to contemplate 'doing' Christmas with a newborn!

YANBU!

Embroidery · 21/09/2021 22:37

Midwives and health visitors will be visting.
You will just have had the equivilent of major surgery.
You cant travel.

Minniem2020 · 21/09/2021 22:37

Another vote here for stay at home. Ive had 2 children and am pregnant with my 3rd and absolutely would not travel. You're still just trying to get settled and find your feet with your new little one at that stage. This is definitely a time to put your needs first.

Rainbowsew · 21/09/2021 22:38

Cancel now. You have no idea how you will be at that time.

Even with the best of complication free births, you're unlikely to want to sit in a car for that long with baby in a car seat who will need feeding every few hours, to stay somewhere less comfortable and familiar than your own home, putting on a front for relatives...

Muchmorethan · 21/09/2021 22:39

I actually think you could risk getting a DVT by travelling especially if you have surgery.

pelosi · 21/09/2021 22:43

@Bridie20

Oh and we met at ‘home’ so ILs and parents live within 10 miles of each other, which is why we always go home to them for Christmas instead of them coming to us. But I still think two hotels for a few nights would make more sense than us going up! And will definitely offer to contribute to their costs.
Why would you contribute?

Do they contribute to your Airbnb every year? Doubt it.

Save your money.

Pallisers · 21/09/2021 22:45

You will really regret this if you don't cancel. I'd say your mother and MIL will completely understand - and be thrilled with the pregnancy. 1-3 weeks after birth is no time to be travelling to stay in an air b&b. It isn't just time together as a family unit (which is a real thing too) but how you will feel, how difficult it will be to transport everything, how much you will want to be in your own place, how stressed you will be if you go overdue thinking about it.

I'd invite both sets of parents up instead, book an air b&b, and have a marks and spencers/iceland/chinese food/whatever christmas.

AntiHop · 21/09/2021 22:46

The boob leaking in those early days would be enough to put me off! I woke up with leaking boobs for the first few weeks. Wearing a bra and breast pads at night would have been really uncomfortable. I also went bra less during the day a lot, as it was more comfortable.

We went on holiday when dd2 was 7 weeks. By this time I was able to wear a crop top with breast pads at night, to catch the little bit of leaking. But that definitely wouldn't have been possible in the early weeks, both in terms of the volume of leaks, and the discomfort.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 21/09/2021 22:48

Cancel now!

If family do come to visit (staying in a hotel) limit it to a couple of nights rather than the whole period.

lolliespalooza · 21/09/2021 22:48

You are so within your rights to stay home and anyone who suggests doing otherwise is being completely unreasonable.

I would be saying 'I know it goes without saying but of course we won't be travelling at xmas'. And looking incredulously at anyone who thought otherwise.

Block · 21/09/2021 22:49

OP, it's a bit of a chorus, but stay at home.

I was still in hospital a week after having my first baby (supposed to be a drug-free homebirth). Nobody knows how it's going to work out. DC1 and I could quite easily have died; fortunately, he was fine but I was in the HDU. I was then incontinent for a while. Bonding was difficult as I was so exhausted by being so ill.

I am not saying this will be your experience - I know my experience was unfortunate and extreme, and most people will not have this sort of experience - but I would still suggest that you're better off being at home and knowing that you don't have the extra stress of travelling with a new baby, and worrying about other people's expectations of you.

Block · 21/09/2021 22:50

I would also say, OP, that surely your family will understand. If my DD were in your situation, I'd be thrilled with her pregnancy, and would be telling her to stay at home!

Driftingblue · 21/09/2021 22:51

If you have any doubts, Google the lemon clot essay. It’s brutally graphic, but it’s a necessary honesty.

1Endeavour2 · 21/09/2021 22:51

Stay at home!!!