Page 6 | Going to get flamed- another MIL one

flameyone · 2021-09-21T19:14:55+00:00

OK, name changed for this one. I know I'm BU. But just wondered if anyone would feel the same slight annoyance/ grating. My MIL has kept everything her two kids have ever used in their lives. Think, spoons, plates, potties, all toys etc etc etc. She's thrown nothing away ever. I have a son and he gets to use those things all the time when we go there. Super useful. But MIL feels the need to mention it constantly that son is using daddy's old spoon. Or auntie's old cup. She also always mentions how she's kept everything. I mean, constant mentioning of that. It just grates on me and I'm not sure why. Would the constant reminding grate on anyone else? I don't mind son using this stuff at all. It's great and it's nice. Just the reminding grates.

savethatkitty01 · 22/09/2021 10:24

When we named DD#2 middle name was picked not because we particularly liked it or because it meant anything significant, it just "went" with first name. Anyway MIL pipes up that great aunt Mildreds cousin shares that name, so now goes sprouting to DD & anyone who'll listen that DD is named after her. It annoys me. Irrationally so. I get it

Feelingoktoday · 22/09/2021 10:32

Further to your last post Arrange to see more of your family Op. then your mum can bring out the old photos and silver spoons too.

Blossomtoes · 22/09/2021 10:35

🙄

Original poster

flameyone · 22/09/2021 10:45

@Feelingoktoday

Further to your last post Arrange to see more of your family Op. then your mum can bring out the old photos and silver spoons too.

Definitely! Just been hard because of covid and travel restrictions !

OP posts:

ToykotoLosAngeles · 22/09/2021 10:52

Ooh, I can seriously relate. My DS has a ride-on tractor from the in-laws that's 43 years old and every single time, MiL points out how she kept it for 43 years and basically what an amazing mum she was for lovingly keeping everything my DH ever touched.

In her case it's more about justifying keeping their storage units full of crap though.

Year2Parent · 22/09/2021 11:11

I wish my child's paternal mother showed more interest in her grandchild!!!

Moonwatcher1234 · 22/09/2021 18:22

[quote flameyone]@Moonwatcher1234 hahha aww. I've also kept all my sons stuff to be fair. So far. It's not annoying at all to keep stuff and to offer to use it.

It's only annoying ( to me ) when it's constantly mentioned. Every visit, every time, every day.

I'll say it again because I know my MIL, it's bragging in her case. At least that's how I perceive it. [/quote]
Fair enough…you feel what you feel and that’s valid :)

Holly60 · 22/09/2021 18:42

I wonder if it would die down if you started mentioning it first? So when it comes out say ‘oh look DC, daddy’s first spoon. Isn’t it nice granny kept it for you’. You might find this means she feels less need to mention it and she might start to let it go….

Ionlydomassiveones · 22/09/2021 18:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Blossomtoes · 22/09/2021 18:56

@Ionlydomassiveones

I am amazed she is in her 50s - she sounds like a dotty old loon. I’m in my 50s and hate living in the past - eg. it annoys me even when people go on about 80s/90s music even though I loved it at the time…move on!

Anyway, I said before that you should try to forgive her and switch off from it a bit. Which I stand by. But if you truly think it’s attention seeking (which you’ve explained a bit more since I posted) then I agree that’s rude and annoying.

I think maybe subtly trying to be a bit rude back.
‘that’s daddy’s…’
‘oh but we want the new Bluey one now don’t we?’
‘oh I remember when I took x to…’
(Ignore and start tickling them etc)

‘I’ve kept all the certificates that he won at school’
‘Good God Carol - even he doesn’t care about that old shit now, you ought to dump it.’
‘Look here’s aunties cup’
‘I think Alfie would like to use his own things now…let’s stop living in the past eh?’

Lovely ageist start to a post. How old does one have to be to qualify as “a dotty old loon”?

Please don’t take this awful advice @flameyone, it’ll ramp it up. Let it float by. You don’t need to engage with it, just let her get on with it.

Ionlydomassiveones · 22/09/2021 19:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Holly60 · 22/09/2021 19:15

I mean - that’s not SUBTLY rude though, is it?

fourminutestosavetheworld · 22/09/2021 20:28

@Ionlydomassiveones

I am amazed she is in her 50s - she sounds like a dotty old loon. I’m in my 50s and hate living in the past - eg. it annoys me even when people go on about 80s/90s music even though I loved it at the time…move on!

Anyway, I said before that you should try to forgive her and switch off from it a bit. Which I stand by. But if you truly think it’s attention seeking (which you’ve explained a bit more since I posted) then I agree that’s rude and annoying.

I think maybe subtly trying to be a bit rude back.
‘that’s daddy’s…’
‘oh but we want the new Bluey one now don’t we?’
‘oh I remember when I took x to…’
(Ignore and start tickling them etc)

‘I’ve kept all the certificates that he won at school’
‘Good God Carol - even he doesn’t care about that old shit now, you ought to dump it.’
‘Look here’s aunties cup’
‘I think Alfie would like to use his own things now…let’s stop living in the past eh?’

Good grief why would you shit all over someone's precious, important memories with such blatant rudeness?

TakeMe2Insanity · 22/09/2021 20:29

Inhale - exhale.

saraclara · 22/09/2021 20:35

I'm thinking that there's one of those life/body swap films to be made about a young mum and a grandmother (preferably the MIL)

Many of you with young children simply don't seem to be able to understand that your MILs have the same love for your partner as you have for your children, and that in two or three decades you'll have that same yearning for the days when yours were little and you were the centre of their world

HumphreyCobblers · 22/09/2021 20:43

I don’t buy that at all saraclara. If I am lucky enough to have grandchildren I hope I will manage to have some interest in them rather than banging on about how I did things with my own children constantly. My MIL told me lovely stories about when my DH was little and it was so nice to hear them, I did have another relative who ONLY talked to and about my children in relation to their own experience and it was very annoying, especially with the continuous repetition.

Original poster

flameyone · 22/09/2021 20:50

@saraclara

I'm thinking that there's one of those life/body swap films to be made about a young mum and a grandmother (preferably the MIL)

Many of you with young children simply don't seem to be able to understand that your MILs have the same love for your partner as you have for your children, and that in two or three decades you'll have that same yearning for the days when yours were little and you were the centre of their world

That's a good idea for a film !

Totally understand what you mean. There aren't that many MIL/DIL films out there. The only one I can think of is monster in law with Jennifer Lopez I think..

Anyway, in an ideal world, we would just ' get ' each other.

OP posts:

fourminutestosavetheworld · 22/09/2021 20:52

@HumphreyCobblers

I don’t buy that at all saraclara. If I am lucky enough to have grandchildren I hope I will manage to have some interest in them rather than banging on about how I did things with my own children constantly. My MIL told me lovely stories about when my DH was little and it was so nice to hear them, I did have another relative who ONLY talked to and about my children in relation to their own experience and it was very annoying, especially with the continuous repetition.

But op's mil doesn't do that. She said her mil has kept lots of stuff and tells gc 'this is daddy's cup'.

Obviously I'm biased since I admitted upthread that I am guilty of this. I love seeing gc using stuff their mum used. It takes up a tiny % of our conversation when they visit but I'd be so upset if I thought my son in law was annoyed by it or attached some arbitrary, unkind motive to it. I've got a fantastic life but lovely memories make me happy to. I am going to have to ask my son in law if he minds me telling gc stories about their mum I think.

Original poster

flameyone · 22/09/2021 20:54

@fourminutestosavetheworld I'm sure if you have a good relationship, he won't mind at all. Don't worry. I think it's only an issue when there are other problems.

OP posts:

HumphreyCobblers · 22/09/2021 20:54

I think the issue is that it takes up a lot more than a small percent of the OP’s conversational space. A small percent is fine, lovely in fact , if it is always ‘back to my experience’ then that is annoying.

Original poster

flameyone · 22/09/2021 20:57

@HumphreyCobblers

I don’t buy that at all saraclara. If I am lucky enough to have grandchildren I hope I will manage to have some interest in them rather than banging on about how I did things with my own children constantly. My MIL told me lovely stories about when my DH was little and it was so nice to hear them, I did have another relative who ONLY talked to and about my children in relation to their own experience and it was very annoying, especially with the continuous repetition.

It's annoying when anyone only talks about something in relation to themselves or their own experience. I sometimes slip into it, but try to stop myself - for example when people start talking about weddings or even having a baby and being pregnant. I do try to stop myself though.

I'm sure I make a fair amount of my own social faux pas to be fair. No one is perfect.

OP posts:

BlueJag · 22/09/2021 21:20

Think about it as every item reminds her of a different time. I think she lives those memories over and over. I think she enjoys thinking about when her son was using the same spoon etc.
I think it's sweet

Drumgley · 22/09/2021 23:05

Are you being unreasonable? Actually no. If it annoys you, it annoys you and that's ok, you're allowed to feel it. I really dislike my MIL and things I might tolerate from others I just can't stand when it's her and I'm sure it's the same for her about me. If you can't express it here, then what are these forums even for?