Going to get flamed- another MIL one

[flameyone]

OK, name changed for this one.

I know I'm BU. But just wondered if anyone would feel the same slight annoyance/ grating.

My MIL has kept everything her two kids have ever used in their lives. Think, spoons, plates, potties, all toys etc etc etc. She's thrown nothing away ever.

I have a son and he gets to use those things all the time when we go there. Super useful. But MIL feels the need to mention it constantly that son is using daddy's old spoon. Or auntie's old cup. She also always mentions how she's kept everything.

I mean, constant mentioning of that. It just grates on me and I'm not sure why. Would the constant reminding grate on anyone else? I don't mind son using this stuff at all. It's great and it's nice. Just the reminding grates.

@Radiosilenced

Yes YABU. If your MIL is only a bit annoying, you can count yourself lucky. Mine is a real witch who accuses me of taking her precious child away, and apparently I've been scheming to drive a wedge in between them for the past 20 years (I couldn't care less). She even turns on her own DGC if it hurts me.. So yes. Count your blessings.

Sorry about your MIL. Mine is no angel. But I can't be bothered to go into it. This was just about this particular annoyance.

Do a really surprised look and say 'Is it?' everytime she says it.

If you can, just ignore it. The good thing is when your kids get older, they start thinking the same awful things about grandparents but don't have the self control to not say it outloud. But they're cute so can get away with it.

Heard of the literary character Tom Gates? His family lift one hand when someone tells you a reminiscence that you’ve heard before, and two hands if you’ve heard it before and you don’t want to hear it again. I do it subtly with my kids now they are older when we’re at the in laws. Makes listening to such snippets much less irritating.

I think this is one you have to just smile and nod along with, or you joke about it and laugh "you always mention that"

My mil always says 'ooo she takes after me' about EVERYTHING. I don't know why, but it annoys the hell out of me. DD doesn't take after her in the slightest. I just laugh along and keep quiet. Although one time, Mil once said dd was nosey, I responded 'ooo , she must take after you then'

Could be a bit annoying! Lots of things people do are annoying I guess. You can’t say anything though

Sounds to me like having grandchildren makes her really nostalgic for when her own children were tiny so she talks about that era to her grandchildren. I would want to talk about my kids using stuff if I saw the stuff being used. Memory lane. People who cling onto “stuff” quite often have experienced loss. I feel a bit sad for her it sounds like she misses being a mum to children or has regret about something. I think it is great advice to ask her more about when her kids were small. But it might not stop the reminiscing. my mum and MIL both have a repertoire of stories, and we just laugh at how they roll them out when triggered. And I have now accepted that I will probably do the same one day!

@ItsSunnyOutside

I think this is one you have to just smile and nod along with, or you joke about it and laugh "you always mention that"

My mil always says 'ooo she takes after me' about EVERYTHING. I don't know why, but it annoys the hell out of me. DD doesn't take after her in the slightest. I just laugh along and keep quiet. Although one time, Mil once said dd was nosey, I responded 'ooo , she must take after you then'

Hahah good one.

I wonder if you are my SIL. MIL is exactly like this, she would marry DP if she could and loves to tell me about every single thing he ever used that she’s kept. I’m talking every single school book/piece of artwork ever!
I’m aware that the reason I find her so irritating is because I don’t like her much so I bite my tongue and smile for DPs sake.

Yep - YABU but I completely get it.

I have step-children and they went through a phase of constantly reminiscing about stuff they did when younger. I must have heard the same stories 10 or 11 times (really boring stories but obviously important to them). I decided to take it as a compliment that they wanted to share this with me and smiled and nodded along even though my heart would sink when they brought it up. They've stopped now thank goodness.

Accept that it annoys you - you're not a bad person - it just does. We can't help how we feel, but it's unlikely MIL is doing it deliberately. She's probably just a nostalgic sort of person. Distract yourself and be grateful that you've (hopefully) got a babysitter you can trust.

@Itstheweekendyasssss

Sounds to me like having grandchildren makes her really nostalgic for when her own children were tiny so she talks about that era to her grandchildren. I would want to talk about my kids using stuff if I saw the stuff being used. Memory lane. People who cling onto “stuff” quite often have experienced loss. I feel a bit sad for her it sounds like she misses being a mum to children or has regret about something. I think it is great advice to ask her more about when her kids were small. But it might not stop the reminiscing. my mum and MIL both have a repertoire of stories, and we just laugh at how they roll them out when triggered. And I have now accepted that I will probably do the same one day!

Oh that's interesting. Maybe it's the general loss of the golden years when your kids really needed you ? Maybe we all end up missing that when they're all grown up?

My mum just is NOTHING like that. We are so in the present, rather than in the past. We barely ever delve into when we were kids. And if we do, it's usually when we aren't with anyone else. Don't get me wrong, it does happen, but not nearly as much as my in laws do it. I wonder what that says about their dynamic compared to ours and if that's why it winds me up maybe. Maybe it's a trigger for me.

I don't like talking about the past in general. I keep that stuff to myself.

I get how it can be annoying my friends son every bin day pointed out the sticker on the neighbours bin that we HAD to walk past every single bin day the Same Thing LOOK ITS X yes it was there last week and last fucking YEAR 😂 one time mum decided to say it first he cried because he wanted to say it

So glad when they got rid of the dratted thing

Cut her off look its "uncles mug?" "Daddy's fork?" Or a yes I believe you have mentioned it unless you want to spend years hearing the same thing

@Theunamedcat

I get how it can be annoying my friends son every bin day pointed out the sticker on the neighbours bin that we HAD to walk past every single bin day the Same Thing LOOK ITS X yes it was there last week and last fucking YEAR 😂 one time mum decided to say it first he cried because he wanted to say it

So glad when they got rid of the dratted thing

Cut her off look its "uncles mug?" "Daddy's fork?" Or a yes I believe you have mentioned it unless you want to spend years hearing the same thing

I'm really really bad at hiding how I feel about things. I'm pretty sure she knows it winds me up and does it on purpose.

MILs grate

Seriously, it sounds annoying but it could be much worse.

Anything repeated over and over becomes dull and annoying after a while. I suspect a certain Mrs Phelps is currently rolling her eyes and saying “Yes Michael. It was very exciting when you won that first gold medal but have you taken the bin out?”

Oh let her be Grandma. Just leave her. DC will love to hear it all. My gma used to do this and also tell us she grew our Dad in her tummy - we found it all hysterical. She's dead now and we all miss her a lot. Just let her be her and let your DC have a loving Gma, stop trying to control every narrative.

PITA syndrome..

Being a MIL is a thankless task. Yabu.

Good grief. Yabu for this comment.

YANBU
Doing it as a means of control, asserting her dominance. Passive yet very undermining. Also likely to have had some sort of trauma so can’t let go. Bring your kid their own ‘favourite’ cutlery and cup and use the excuse that it’s encouraged them to eat better.

Yeah, it’s a bit annoying, but no big deal. Mine is the same- for some unknown reason it was the baby coat hangers that she’d kept for over 50 years that used to really bug me. I just couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm for them. Especially because they were an odd shape, completely straight rather than curved for shoulders. I disposed of them- you can only imagine my horror when she asked for them back!
Now I’m older and not in the throes of young children I look back and smile at this quirk, while reminding myself to never proudly produce a bag of old coat hangers for my future DIL.

@flameyone
"I'm really really bad at hiding how I feel about things. I'm pretty sure she knows it winds me up and does it on purpose."

Its a skill worth learning

My sister does this with the stuff she’s handed down to DS. I just ignore it and carry on. She’s just reminicising

@MacNTosh

I’d find it irritating too. She obviously doesn’t feel heard, try asking her about the items, her memories of her children when they were young etc. Having a long chat about it might be just what she needs.

If she's like mine she will repeatedly want that chat, relentlessly, ad infinitum. There's no way around it.

It's like she's claiming your son as hers. Some posters are crazy! Who thinks like that?!

*OP, the repetitiveness may be annoying but I find it sweet that she kept these things and takes enjoyment from both reminiscing about her children, and seeing her grandchildren get use out of them too.

Maybe ask her about her memories of particular items or ask her about somr of her favourite memories of your husband when he was growing up.

Apologies if I've missed it but would you be able to share her age with us?

@AveryGoodlay

It's like she's claiming your son as hers. Some posters are crazy! Who thinks like that?!

*OP, the repetitiveness may be annoying but I find it sweet that she kept these things and takes enjoyment from both reminiscing about her children, and seeing her grandchildren get use out of them too.

Maybe ask her about her memories of particular items or ask her about somr of her favourite memories of your husband when he was growing up.

Apologies if I've missed it but would you be able to share her age with us?

50s