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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to get flamed- another MIL one

148 replies

flameyone · 21/09/2021 20:14

OK, name changed for this one.

I know I'm BU. But just wondered if anyone would feel the same slight annoyance/ grating.

My MIL has kept everything her two kids have ever used in their lives. Think, spoons, plates, potties, all toys etc etc etc. She's thrown nothing away ever.

I have a son and he gets to use those things all the time when we go there. Super useful. But MIL feels the need to mention it constantly that son is using daddy's old spoon. Or auntie's old cup. She also always mentions how she's kept everything.

I mean, constant mentioning of that. It just grates on me and I'm not sure why. Would the constant reminding grate on anyone else? I don't mind son using this stuff at all. It's great and it's nice. Just the reminding grates.

OP posts:
Cashewcookie · 21/09/2021 21:19

My mil repeats stories of her children’s childhoods constantly. Winds me up good and proper. May not be a big thing for some but I find my blood pressure rising every time she says my name and then says: when the kids were small blah blah blah. And it’s always in relation to my ds.

Does everything need to revert back to YOU?

pisses me off no end.

seaandsandcastles · 21/09/2021 21:19

I actually think that’s really sweet.

It sounds like you have issues surrounding your past and your own mum not being maternal and reminiscing about your childhood.

Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 21:22

@seaandsandcastles

I actually think that’s really sweet.

It sounds like you have issues surrounding your past and your own mum not being maternal and reminiscing about your childhood.

I don't.
OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 21/09/2021 21:22

If your partner kept doing this you'd get the ick and dump them.

But as it's mother in law you have to put up with annoyances you wouldn't with anyone else (as if friends annoyed you with their every breath, you'd ditch them too)

It's a weird relationship dynamic!

seaandsandcastles · 21/09/2021 21:35

Given you say you don’t like to talk about the past I’d say that’s not true, even if you believe it to be 🤷‍♀️

stealingbeauty · 21/09/2021 21:38

I think YABU but then maybe I’m jealous of you because she sounds so much easier than my MIL who is an evil villain.

Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 21:40

@seaandsandcastles

Given you say you don’t like to talk about the past I’d say that’s not true, even if you believe it to be 🤷‍♀️
I don't mind talking about it sometimes. Maybe once or twice a month if it comes up. But I don't like to live there and I'm not hugely nostalgic outwardly. I am privately though in my thoughts. I just don't see the need to constantly talk about gone by days. I've not had a particularly traumatic past or anything. It's just how I was raised, to look ahead and think of now.

In laws delve pretty much every day into the past. It comes up every time I see them. How often do other people delve ? Maybe I'm weird then ?

OP posts:
Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 21:40

@stealingbeauty

I think YABU but then maybe I’m jealous of you because she sounds so much easier than my MIL who is an evil villain.
Aw no I'm sorry Sadthat sucks.
OP posts:
Dasher789 · 21/09/2021 21:41

This is my mil. Its so annoying and the annoyance just builds.

Moonface123 · 21/09/2021 21:41

Just try and be glad it makes her happy, better than getting wound up over it.
My own Mum is the total opposite, lives like an absolute minimalist, happily throws everything out.

Moonwatcher1234 · 21/09/2021 21:42

@dottypencilcase

She sounds like a future me. I'm really struggling to let go of my DCs baby crap atm.
This made me laugh and it’s so true! Sorry OP but I will definitely be doing this and I know it’s annoying but won’t be able to help it. I already reminisce over their little baby sleep suits and first rattles that they only used a few years ago 🙁 sorry in advance future daughters in law.
Feelingoktoday · 21/09/2021 21:43

I’ve kept so much of my kids stuff. I can see me doing that. It’s reminiscing. They just grow up so quickly. One minute a baby, next an adult. You wait until yours are older then you will feel the same.

Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 21:45

@Moonwatcher1234 hahha aww. I've also kept all my sons stuff to be fair. So far. It's not annoying at all to keep stuff and to offer to use it.

It's only annoying ( to me ) when it's constantly mentioned. Every visit, every time, every day.

I'll say it again because I know my MIL, it's bragging in her case. At least that's how I perceive it.

OP posts:
Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 21:46

@Feelingoktoday

I’ve kept so much of my kids stuff. I can see me doing that. It’s reminiscing. They just grow up so quickly. One minute a baby, next an adult. You wait until yours are older then you will feel the same.
I bet I will. But I hate to dwell and feel sad about the past. It's wasted energy that you can't change.

But I'm sure you're right and I will feel like that.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 21/09/2021 21:53

Ha mine has her moments but is the exact opposite of mumsy. Sure Dh old kit is long gone. She said when her boys were tiny was the most awful stage of her life. Fair enough really.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 21/09/2021 22:10

This has made me really sad. It's made me sad because I think I do this. I honestly think that the best years of my life were when my dc were small. I just loved everything about it and spending time with gc often makes me reminisce.

I always feel that gc like hearing the stories about their mum. I never thought that it might annoy my son in law.

I can't speak for your mil op but I can absolutely say that there is no malicious intent to brag or belittle my son in law, I just love reliving those happy times and seeing the things I saved being used.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2021 22:12

I can imagine it is annoying. So here’s my question, if you start talking about an aspect of your life / parenting, does she immediately switch it to her and her life when her kids were little in an unempathetic way and take over? If she does, that’s narcissism. Otherwise what she’s doing here is probably trying to reminisce and find connection. Maybe she struggled to let go of the little kid phase and empty nest?

MushMonster · 21/09/2021 22:16

But is she saying it to you or to your son?
If she keeps mentioning when he is using the things is because children do never remember anything and she just wants him to know that belonged to his father/ aunty or whatever.
If it is for you, just a biymt annoying. You can play a game and see if you remember whose is each item!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2021 22:17

I hate to dwell and feel sad about the past. It’s wasted energy that you can’t change.

And we are literally not all the same. I think a lot about my past and childhood as I had a lot of pain and hurt to process. It wasn’t wasted energy. Both my childhood and coming to terms with it made me the person I am today. Before getting past a lot of it, I used some coping mechanisms, which were pretty shallow. I am also an ill person and so much of my dd’s childhood has been me not being able to participate in normal daily life. Darn right I reminisce about the good times and the days, when I felt well enough to do stuff together!

Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 22:20

@MushMonster

But is she saying it to you or to your son? If she keeps mentioning when he is using the things is because children do never remember anything and she just wants him to know that belonged to his father/ aunty or whatever. If it is for you, just a biymt annoying. You can play a game and see if you remember whose is each item!
Says it to me. My son is still quite young.
OP posts:
pommepommefrites · 21/09/2021 22:20

Lies, op. You will be even more of a prick when you are a mil. I just hope I can spot your Dil's threads on here.

nokidshere · 21/09/2021 22:21

So intolerant. Smile, nod and change the subject. Or say 'ohh really, how come you've never told me that before'? Either way YABU

Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 22:21

@Mummyoflittledragon

I hate to dwell and feel sad about the past. It’s wasted energy that you can’t change.

And we are literally not all the same. I think a lot about my past and childhood as I had a lot of pain and hurt to process. It wasn’t wasted energy. Both my childhood and coming to terms with it made me the person I am today. Before getting past a lot of it, I used some coping mechanisms, which were pretty shallow. I am also an ill person and so much of my dd’s childhood has been me not being able to participate in normal daily life. Darn right I reminisce about the good times and the days, when I felt well enough to do stuff together!

Happy for you if that's what helps you. It doesn't for me, because I don't like to think that the best is behind me.
OP posts:
Original poster
flameyone · 21/09/2021 22:22

@pommepommefrites

Lies, op. You will be even more of a prick when you are a mil. I just hope I can spot your Dil's threads on here.
A prick ? Really ? Is that you Beth ? Finally you've said to my face what you really think of me.
OP posts:
fourminutestosavetheworld · 21/09/2021 22:23

"I hate to dwell and feel sad about the past. It’s wasted energy that you can’t change."

Oh I don't see it as dwelling or feeling sad. I love reliving happy memories snd it doesn't stop me making new ones either.