To assume all 11/12 year olds have chores ?

[choresornot]

Dd 11 doesn’t think she needs to

I’ve explained other children have chores but she thinks its unfair

Please tell me what/ how much dc this age do so I can show her as currently she’s sulking and has been quite rude because I asked her to sit in the room with her sibling (on her phone ! Just to watch not interact or do any caring etc) while I cooked and did the dishwasher and some washing.

I think all nt 11 year olds should do their fair, and appropriate, share around the house. This is how they learn life skills. Laundry, dishes, hoovering, keeping their room tidy, taking out the rubbish, dusting, some basic cooking are all things a child of that age can manage.

BTW, what your child thinks is "unfair" in this matter is irrelevant. You're the parent, it's your job to teach her these skills.

Mine don't. The rest of Mumsnet will oppose my method but it works for us. The issue here is that you want to implement chores, so what other people so isn't relevant. You make the rules for your house accordingly.

Mine do (12 and 10). They make their beds and tidy their rooms (it's not the best of tidiness but it is the habit forming that counts I think). They have to empty their room bins. They also have sinks in their rooms (house used to be the world's smallest B&B) and they have to clean them properly once a week and rinse them daily of toothpaste.

That is about it for now. Not too much, but when I am doing a weekend clean and tidy I often add a few things in that I can supervise.

Mine didn’t have chores at that age and still don’t. They are expected to keep their rooms clean and tidy up after themselves. I’d rather they focussed on education. They have a lifetime as adults of chores so want them to enjoy their childhood free of responsibilities.

It’s an 11yo tactic to compare.
Don’t all parents say, “I don’t actually care what Molly / Isabelle / Samidha’s parents do in their homes?” 🤣

My Y7 is expected not to contribute to mess. So she has no set thing to tidy, but is expected not to leave things lying around. She has no set jobs, but if I call out, “can you put the shopping away please?” or “can you sort the clothes into colour groups please?” I don’t expect any grumpiness. You live here, you contribute.

Well here she has been asked to load or unload the dishwasher once each week on a Saturday or Sunday (she does this)

Tidy her room (refuses/forgets it’s a tip )

Occasionally like today sit in the room (literally sit in same room as not play with sibling ) so I can cook or similar

No other chores

Mine weren’t expected to do anything

They are adults now and cook, do laundry and clean and do other stuff around the house when they see stuff needs doing.
I have never asked them to do anything ever.

(by the way mine are not neuro typical and the eldest has multiple SEN so I think a neuro typical child of that age could probably do more).

My 11 year son y7 has asd, chronic health issue and he has chores. Cleaning an keeping bedroom tidy, making his bed an opening his curtains plus taking out and bring in the recycling an black bin alternatively. Occasionally if he wants extra money he will hoover or wash up. He does this as he collects various things and since starting secondary school wants to go into town one day a week after school for macdonalds.

I've got a 12 year old (and 17 yr old)

DS doesn't have set chores, he's just expected to help out with minimal grumble

Oh you’d be surprised. It’s astounding how many parents don’t prepare their children for adulthood (and no, letting them ‘focus on school and being children’ is not the only thing you need to do to prepare your children for adulthood. I can’t keep the house running if I just focus on work and being a person).

Whining about doing chores is normal though. Is this a new thing for her? I can imagine I would’ve refused chores too, if they started being implemented at 11. Otherwise I would put it down to teenage hormones and not give in under any circumstances.

Kids should have age-appropriate chores from very, very young - they need to learn that everyone in the household is responsible for keeping the home clean and tidy, food on the table, admin sorted. At 6 a child can dust a coffee table, set some plates and cutlery for dinner, help wipe a bath. If a child is brought up doing chores, they won’t know anything different when they’re 12.

Mine don't have set chores but are expected to help cook or tidy or do a load of washing if asked. We have a cleaner and I do worry the DC will not be great at cleaning when they leave home because they never have to do it.

My 11 year old is responsible for setting the table for dinner every night. He is also expected to help out when requested, like sorting out what laundry he wants washed, hoovering and making his bed etc. bringing in the shopping and washing the car.

I agree with the poster before that said it's your house, you make the rules that work for you.

Mine does, and I don't believe in giving them pocket money for it either. Everyone living together should pull their weight.

Oh you’d be surprised. It’s astounding how many parents don’t prepare their children for adulthood

You may also be surprised OP at the amount of people who fail to understand it's possible to become a successful adult without doing chores when you are 11.

My 11 and 7 yr old empty the dishwasher every day before school and put away clean clothes that are left in a pile in their rooms. They also tidy their rooms when I ask once a week. I think that's about the right balance for us

No set chores for mine, but they're expected to be generally helpful as and when, without an attitude. I'm not organised enough to do a rota, but I wish I was.

Yes mine did because you start with small amounts of responsibility so that by the time they are teenagers they are used to doing stuff.

At 11 she needs to understand that at some stage she will leave your house and she will be expected to do all the stuff you and hopefully your partner do. Everything from shopping, cooking, cleaning, tidying, bins out, mopping floors, emptying the dishwasher trap etc.

Her phone is a privilege not a right. If she doesn't feel like doing what is asked of her, then you don't feel like she needs to have a phone paid for by you.

Mine don't have chores and never have had, but they are left to clean own rooms, change beds, look after their pets, and make own breakfast and lunch.
They work hard enough with school and homework and I like them to be able to chill a bit at home.
You're only a child/ teenager once.

Yes, three DC and they take turns washing/ drying up ( not every night) dishwasher, hoover hallway etc, tidy rooms. Occasionally cooking. Look after chickens. Get extra pocket money for carwash/ mowing lawn. It's part of being a family.

@HappyDays101010

Mine does, and I don't believe in giving them pocket money for it either. Everyone living together should pull their weight.

I agree with this. Pocket money is a separate issue in our household. I’m not paid to do chores so why should they! I expect everyone (DC ages 10-16) to tidy up after themselves. They make a mess, they tidy it - anywhere in the house including their bedrooms. Also, they have to change their own bedding

Funnily enough my youngest is the most helpful - so get them started when they’re young is my best advice!

Mine are responsible for setting and clearing the table for dinner, loading and unloading the dishwasher. They also put the bins out. Theoretically also responsible for keeping their rooms tidy but reality is I can’t enforce that when I can’t keep my own room tidy!

Mine have plenty of time to chill in between the maximum hour of stuff I ask them to do in the week. I’m talking about twins here so they can split the tasks in half!

In general they’re pretty amenable to being asked to do stuff - I’m trying to train them to just do it when they see it but with limited degrees of success so far.

Mine never had "chores", but they helped with things like loading/unloading the dishwasher, putting a wash on when needed.

I wouldn't be happy if there was fussing about doing something like watching a sibling- it's just what families do, it's not a "chore". I'd hope if they saw the bin hadn't been put out/in they'd do it. Actually DD wouldn't, but I'm sure she'll be able to put the bin out when she has her own house one day. Of course sometimes they need reminding to tidy their rooms, and their idea of tidy isn't the same as mine. I once came home to find 13yo DS deep cleaning the oven, for his own amusement, and they'll help bring the shopping in without being asked probably so they can find the biscuits. Mostly they're decent about doing stuff around the house, but I think that's because I don't tell them it's "chores" it's just living life.

@madmomma

No set chores for mine, but they're expected to be generally helpful as and when, without an attitude. I'm not organised enough to do a rota, but I wish I was.

Snap.

Ours set the table and clear it, stack plates in dishwasher & empty dishwasher when asked, tidy” their rooms, put their clean laundry away, fill water dispenser in fridge, be otherwise helpful on request - hoover, walk dog etc.

Making a rota would expose the fact that I never stick to systems rigidly, so I don’t do that.

No we don’t do set chores.

They are expected to put washing in the machine or the basket, strip their own beds, keep their rooms clean and tidy.

They may we help when I’m having a big clean day, like they normally the the young two will grab a duster and the polish or the floor wipes, maybe argue over the broom but it’s not an all the time Thing.

I never had set chores as a child either and I manage to cook and clean now as an adult.