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Original poster

To assume all 11/12 year olds have chores ?

112 replies

choresornot · 21/09/2021 17:29

Dd 11 doesn’t think she needs to

I’ve explained other children have chores but she thinks its unfair

Please tell me what/ how much dc this age do so I can show her as currently she’s sulking and has been quite rude because I asked her to sit in the room with her sibling (on her phone ! Just to watch not interact or do any caring etc) while I cooked and did the dishwasher and some washing.

OP posts:
RagzReturnsRebooted · 21/09/2021 18:02

My 11 year old DD has to wipe the table after dinner and put away any condiments etc. There are optional chores if she wants more than basic rate pocket money (£10 a month), which she will do if she wants to but often doesn't bother.

Hellocatshome · 21/09/2021 18:04

My DS11 doesn't have chores. He goes to school 8 until 3 then seems 4 until 6 every evening. Then has to eat and do homework. If I ask him to do something (rarely) i expect him to do it but no set chores.

EvilPea · 21/09/2021 18:04

At that age it’s
Cook dinner once a week
Keep your room tidy
Take your plate out & in the dishwasher
Clear up any mess you make
Iron anything that’s already been ironed but got screwed up again.
I generally just ask for other stuff as and when (like washing and unloading dishwasher)

In the holidays they have to help with proper cleaning unless they are busy

Floralnomad · 21/09/2021 18:04

Mine never had chores , they were expected to do things like put away what they’d used , take plates / cups etc to the dishwasher but they never had set things to do like lay the table / drying up .

Flowerlane · 21/09/2021 18:05

No chores here either.

AlwaysLatte · 21/09/2021 18:07

Mine will always take their plates to the kitchen after supper, etc. They tend to be pretty helpful and offer occasionally to cook or tidy up etc which is great but we don't have a rigid set of tasks for them. We all pitch in when needed, such as clearing up after a big party recently. I notice when they're at other people's houses they are super helpful which is the main thing!

Hellocatshome · 21/09/2021 18:08

Swims not seems!

Hallowbat · 21/09/2021 18:10

My lot don’t have regular chores, steming from me never being given them as a child either, they do help though if I get overwhelmed with tidying at times

Peanutsandchilli · 21/09/2021 18:14

My 11 year old likes to ask for chores to do, but I never expect her to do anything other than keep her room tidy. She doesn't get paid for chores so there's no incentive for her, she's just weird 😆

Nyfluff · 21/09/2021 18:29

My DC with ASN and SEN load and unload the dishwasher, started with collecting and putting everything on top, then just loading it, then loading and unloading by 11-12.

They take out the recycling and bring in those bins after the council have emptied them (I pay a company to clean and bring in the non recycling bin and I do the food waste/glass collection).

They pick up their toys and collect and put their own laundry away (after I wash, dry and fold it).

They bring the laundry basket to the utility and the hoover to whatever room is needed when asked (no set schedule, just when it needs doing).

I do most of most things, but they definitely help. I have health issues and at times have needed a bit more help, like when I had herniated discs, but mostly the things they do are because they live here so it's their home and mess too, and i'm a parent, not a slave.

I also don't think that it will harm them to know some of what goes into running a home and how to do those things. They enjoy learning how to complete an 'adult' task and all these successes boost self esteem. This is particularly important with kids who have SEN and often experience not being able to do things.

Starlightstarbright1 · 21/09/2021 18:30

I think their is no point comparing households that leads to so much debate - a goes to bed at
B can keep their phone in their room
C is allowed to watch..

My ds helps because he is part of the family . If he was busy doing homework, out with friends it falls on me.

For me its not about if he doesn't wash the dishes at 10 he will never learn more we do things to help each other because we care about each other.

I make my ds's packed lunch despite been 14. He eats far healthier because of that. I know many on mn would disapprove but it works for us.

I would be sitting her down..At a time when you aren't asking for anything to be done to explain how she us part of a family and everyone pulls together.

poshme · 21/09/2021 18:35

My 10 year old: (along with older siblings)
Has to get her own breakfast
Makes her own packed lunch
Is expected to put her cutlery/crockery/glass in the dishwasher after meals
Help unload the dishwasher
Help lay the table before meals
Bring down her bin on bin day
Strip her bed once a week when asked
Put pillowcases on pillows (she can't do sheet or duvet cover herself)
Sometimes feed the dog
Keep her bedroom tidy

DeepaBeesKit · 21/09/2021 19:16

My 4 year old and 2 year old help unload and load the dishwasher, and lay the table. 4 year old is expected to make his own bed and put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket each evening.

user89000005 · 21/09/2021 19:21

Mine doesn't have set chores but is expected to help when asked, this could be making breakfast/lunch, laundry folding, potato peeling, sweeping floor after dinner, dish washer loading etc. If he ever started whinging I'd regiment it more, but he's pretty good at just complying with what I need at the time so it's quite ad hoc but usually at least one thing a day.

user89000005 · 21/09/2021 19:24

And just to add for me it's not about learning to do these things, obviously all adults do that at some point it's not hard, but it's about instilling respect, that doesn't always happen so easily (just look at the relationship board) Getting them to understand that we all support each other, no one is a skivvy, respect us as adults and chipping in.

CurryLover55 · 21/09/2021 19:26

DD12 really struggles with “ executive function” so all she does is tidy her room & sometimes puts her clothes away. We have tried to get her to help around the house but she either flatly refuses or has a halfhearted attempt & to be honest, it’s just simpler to sort things out ourselves.

Shellfishblastard · 21/09/2021 19:26

Dd1 is 11 and does a daily chore. She gets £5 pocket money each Friday but only if she does her chore. Since we implemented this she usually does her daily chore and will sometimes help out with another thing if I need help.

tinierclanger · 21/09/2021 19:27

@Starlightstarbright1

I think their is no point comparing households that leads to so much debate - a goes to bed at B can keep their phone in their room C is allowed to watch..

My ds helps because he is part of the family . If he was busy doing homework, out with friends it falls on me.

For me its not about if he doesn't wash the dishes at 10 he will never learn more we do things to help each other because we care about each other.

I make my ds's packed lunch despite been 14. He eats far healthier because of that. I know many on mn would disapprove but it works for us.

I would be sitting her down..At a time when you aren't asking for anything to be done to explain how she us part of a family and everyone pulls together.

I agree with this - similar here, no set chores but my older one understands and is happy to help out ad hoc as asked. Clears up his own mess in public parts of the house, keeps an eye on/plays with dog if needed, puts away washing etc, helps clear and set table etc. But I still make breakfast for him and do lots of stuff that some people on here wouldn’t do. Every house is different!
CornedBeef451 · 21/09/2021 19:45

Mine are 10 and 13 and each week one of them will empty the dishwasher each day and the other one does the recycling. Both jobs take less than 5 mins each.

They tidy their rooms, set the table and clear it after meals and occasionally stack the dishwasher although we're still working on that.

They strip their beds when asked and remake the bits they can do which is mostly just the pillowcases.

I used to feel like the house elf, constantly picking up after everyone but since some initial resistance it all works much better now.

I think it's good for them to realise that we all share the house and so we share the work.

If they complain about their jobs I ask if they want to swap for one of my jobs, scrubbing the toilet or washing all their dirty pants and stinky socks, suddenly the dishwasher doesn't seem as bad!

CornedBeef451 · 21/09/2021 19:48

Oh and they put their laundry away too.

CheshireDing · 21/09/2021 19:48

Mine have chores on a Saturday morning

DC9 - vac bedrooms
DC7 - vac stairs
DC5 - water and spray all plants in house (there are a lot!)

CheshireDing · 21/09/2021 19:51

They have to keep their rooms tidy, or tidy if they’ve trashed them and move their pits after dinner but I wouldn’t consider those chores.

Each of them has to set the table on a rota too - got that idea from nursery 🤣

FleetwoodRaincoat · 21/09/2021 19:52

My DCs didn't do any work around the house. I had to do it as a child and resented and hated it, as did DH.

DD is now 25, runs her own home perfectly well and is very capable.

DS is younger but I'm sure will be the same.

They've got the rest of their lives to do housework.

SheABitSpicyToday · 21/09/2021 19:54

Mine has one chore which is keep her bedroom tidy but am being told I’m a Hitler on another thread. She’s 7.

ichundich · 21/09/2021 20:01

My daughter has to: make her bed, air her room, tidy and hoover her room thoroughly once a week, set the dinner table, empty out the dishwasher every other day. She's quite good with these chores; I don't need to nag her much. Trying the same with my son (7), and it's much harder! I think it's important for children to learn to be independent. I didn't know how to cook or wash laundry until after my degree!!