To assume all 11/12 year olds have chores ?

[choresornot]

Dd 11 doesn’t think she needs to

I’ve explained other children have chores but she thinks its unfair

Please tell me what/ how much dc this age do so I can show her as currently she’s sulking and has been quite rude because I asked her to sit in the room with her sibling (on her phone ! Just to watch not interact or do any caring etc) while I cooked and did the dishwasher and some washing.

Mine never did anything at 11 and unsurprisingly they arnt any different now at 16 and 17!

Zerrin13

Mine never did anything at 11 and unsurprisingly they arnt any different now at 16 and 17

Never asked mine to do anything
Mine though are great at doing stuff unasked.

Maybe because I have never been great at house keeping or cooking so if they wanted to have clothes washed they could wait till I got round to it or did it themselves.
Their choice was between my burnt offerings and attempt at cooking or very quickly learning to make dinner themselves.
When they were younger we ate out a lot.

@Fluffypastelslippers

Mine don't. The rest of Mumsnet will oppose my method but it works for us. The issue here is that you want to implement chores, so what other people so isn't relevant. You make the rules for your house accordingly.

Mine didn't either. But if you want your kids to "contribute to the household" then they have to do them. It's immaterial what their friends do or don't do.

Mine never did, neither did I as a child.

I think it's a good idea though.

For the kids who don't have any 'chores', does that mean they go around making mess and requesting things and you do all the cleaning and tidying up and doing everything for them even though they could do it themselves? Do they share, help others and clean up in other environments? Do you get treated like this by other people at work and in other relationships?

I can't get my mind around kids not doing anything to help at home. Or is it that you just don't call it chores but it's basic everyday tasks?

DD doesn't have her own chores, we all share all chores depending on time.

But she can be asked anytime to bring our rubbish, set or clear the table, help emptying the dishwasher, make her bed, helps with putting shopping away or whatever is to be done.

She has to deal with her room and put her dirty clothes into the laundry hamper. Depending on behaviour we control her. room before dinner and she has to clear up or looses electronic access for the next day.

My children will tidy up their mess and if I say it’s a big clean our X room day will help. It’s not regular chores though they don’t have a set list of tasks they must do. If I ask them to strip their bed they will but it not a every Saturday morning before breakfast you must do it. It’s a go and strip your beds if you want them washing today or they will strip them unprompted.

DS is 13 now but he's had some form of chore/s since he was 6. These days he empties the dishwasher daily, opens the blinds in a morning and puts his own clean washing away. He will also often be asked to help with other things like putting shopping away, clearing the kitchen after tea, putting washing in, dusting, running round with the vac etc. He'll occasionally offer to cook or help cook. He'll be a fully functional adult when he leaves home.

@Fluffypastelslippers I agree. Mine are quite capable of doing lots of things, but they don't have chores. If they make a catastrophic mess, they clear it up. I never had chores either.
Do what you like, OP. I feel like my kids have enough to deal with these days, without adding to it.

If they don't - they should! I met so many useless "adults" at university whose mummies did everything for them and it struck me as a real disservice. One girl couldn't fry bacon! She asked me how. Had never cooked or cleaned in her life. I asked her what she did when she wanted to eat something at home and her mum wasn't there - she said she'd go next door to her granny she was a lovely girl by the way it wasn't her fault she was useless!

Anyway my longwinded point is I've met far too many of this species as a young adult and most completely floundered for a time. My 5 and 4yo's have "chores" as a result. They unload the dishwasher, make their beds, put their clothes in the washing machine and press the buttons etc. I've made it a normal part of family life from the start. I've drilled it in to them that everyone living in a house should pitch in, as it's simply disrespectful not to.

Yes we have a chores list -

Dd 12 - collect eggs and box them up for sale
Empty and repack dishwasher
Fold up dry laundry and put upstairs
Sweep kitchen floor
Make dinner once a week
Change her bed weekly

Ds 14 - feed pet lambs and sheep at home
Cut lawns
Empty washing machine and hang out
Recycling and empty bin
Pen up the chickens at night
Make dinner once a week
Change bed weekly

Dd 16 - mop kitchen floor
Clean bathroom
Hoover upstairs
Make dinner once a week
Change bed weekly
Walk small dogs daily

We are farmers and our day is spent outside so the dc need to pull their weight otherwise nothing will get done - there are 6 of us making a mess so we all need to pitch in. Come wintertime when I am able to spend time inside I take a lot of the chores back and do them but in the summer it's all hands on deck!

I left home having never been taught how to clean, cook or keep a house so I'm determined my kids will have some idea of what's involved when they get their own place. It's seems to be working - my eldest ds now lives away from home and his flat is immaculate!

I was never taught what to do with keeping a clean home. And was at sea. In fact, it took me u til I was in my late 20s and getting letters from bailliffs before I realised about things like paying bills etc. So when my Dcs are doing homework (aged 12 and 10) I sit with them at the dining room table and I pay bills and discuss what I am doing with them so they understand what is going on and why. I have a calendar and I will discuss things like when bills are due and what to prioritise. All in a low key way because we are lucky enough to be able to afford all of our bills, but it is vital I think for the Dcs to understand that there are no fairy elves doing stuff in the middle of the night.