To assume all 11/12 year olds have chores ?

[choresornot]

Dd 11 doesn’t think she needs to

I’ve explained other children have chores but she thinks its unfair

Please tell me what/ how much dc this age do so I can show her as currently she’s sulking and has been quite rude because I asked her to sit in the room with her sibling (on her phone ! Just to watch not interact or do any caring etc) while I cooked and did the dishwasher and some washing.

Yes, all my children do chores. All of them sort laundry and put their own clothes away, and help unload/load the dishwasher, and set the table, and keep their rooms tidy to an age appropriate degree (so the 11 year old has to Hoover hers once a week, which the other 2 don’t yet). 11 year old also empties the odd bin, does some cooking and will get laundry in off the line. She also has a small pet rodent she has to clean out once a week. There isn’t a rota, she does it when told. Depends on the chore how much grumbling!

She also does her homework, participates in extracurricular music and sport, and maintains satisfying friendships, before anyone tells me she needs more time to do any of those things. I wasn’t expected to do a lot of chores as a child and I definitely lacked life skills in my later teens (I remember my parents going on holiday for a fortnight when I was 17 and I had to ring them halfway through to find out how to work the washing machine!) so I want to change that for my kids.

They do everything I do. More or less well. Incompetence is not rewarded. You do more of it until you do it right. (Looking at you DSS - you will be hanging out the washing for a long time to come.)

So the 4 of them cook, clean, wash up, do laundry etc etc etc. I am not the maid. And when they leave home they will have the necessary soft & hard skills to be self reliant.

When I do stuff on the farm they also learn the new skill. They've not lambed single handed but they will. But they can fence, hang gates, shovel shit, pile hay/straw, feed and care for livestock, ride to at least a trot, use a drill, hammer, make ikea furniture and offer moral support - which is a key skill.

It all sounds a bit grim but I leave them in peace 95% of the time. We work as a team as much as possible and do it all as quick as possible.

If they want extra pocket money they can help out with farm chores over the holidays.

That said, they hate moving the sheep because my DH gets all shouty.

Sewing is a bit of an exception. I'm not good enough with the machine to "teach" anyone. I can thread it and just about do hems. But if they leave me to do it alone I won't do it.

No regular chores in this house. Have occasionally asked teenage to help with specific heavier tasks and younger ones sometimes like to empty the shopping bags.
Mine are all boys but that's how I was brought up and my mum says she was also. We found our way just fine when the time was right, didn't need to build up to it and weren't overwhelmed when we had to do it.
There's a lifetime to be spent doing chores, I don't think it needs to start at 11.

Mine didn't but your house your rules

Mine do not have chores apart from keeping room tidy.

I never had chores either and it did me no harm and I worked it all out wheh I needed too - it's not rocket science.

It's basic parenting to give them chores and teach them to be responsible

I grew up with a mum who did everything for us - I never had to do a single chore. As a result, I was lazy, dirty, and very messy. I refused to do the same to my kid's.

Mine are 5,6 and 8, plus dh and I. We don't have regular chores, but constantly reinforce to the kids that "you live together with people, so you contribute to maintaining your home together". Dh is away a lot, but the kids and I will sit together with all the laundry to be folded in a pile in front of us, we work quickly and it all gets folded and sorted pretty fast (all be it not great folding haha, but that's not the point). They know to clean up the messes they contribute to (dirty plates being taken to dishwasher, picking up used towels, dirty clothes in laundry basket, putting away own clothes, help to carry what they can, etc).

My 11 year old walks the dog at least once a day, feeds her when asked. She takes the rubbish and recycling out to the wheely bins and puts the bin out and back in on bin day. She's meant to do the dishes a couple of times a week but often is out or busy so often doesn't happen. She makes her own packed lunch and when I do a big clean/tidy she does the bathroom including the floors. I'm a single parent and we have very busy lives due to DC's choice of hobby and I need that bit of help

Oh and she takes full responsibility for cleaning out and feeding her snake and millipede

My 10 and 12 year olds empty a layer each of the dishwasher every morning, they make their beds and tidy their rooms, they sometimes bring in the washing, they sometimes sort washing, they put their own washing away, they help peel/chop veg etc. The 12 year old sometimes babysits for my 6 year old (never for very long!)

My 6 year old tidies her room, puts her washing away, helps peel/chop veg.

I think having some responsibilities is a good thing for kids. I also think I shouldn't have to do everything for them when they are perfectly capable of helping out

Just weird that women tend to be forced to learn in later life, mainly because children.

And men don’t.
I mean the endless complaints about men

Do mums and dads really think that home work and earning more is preferable to having a twat of an adult who will eventually be divorced and see their kids EOW only.

Our 4 get pocket money for the chores they do. No chores; no money for sweets or tat.

We've monetised each chore too!

50p to unload dishwasher
£1 to load it
£1 emptying recycling
£1 clean and tidy playroom
£1 mini car valet
£1 clean the bathroom
50p to empty bins

They also have to lay the table and clear their plates after mealtimes.

Sometimes I wish we hadn't monetised chores, as it doesn't encourage a natural desire to help. But it does help them to better understand the world and how it works. The more you put in, the more you get out.

My teens are bit older (13,14), are supposed to
Clean up any mess they make
Keep the bedroom tidy
Take it in turns to empty the dishwasher at weekends (and if asked in school holidays).
Put clean laundry away which is left by me in a neat pile on their beds.
Take their dirty plates etc to kitchen.

(I need to nag them to do any of these jobs).

Their bedroom is usually a tip. If they leave clothes or towels or rubbish on the floor in my room or communal rooms i will dump it in their room. So that their mess is not everywhere and only contained to one room.

If they dont put their dirty laundry in the basket and they leave it on their bedroom floor I dont wash it.

They are also expected to do anything else that is asked of them eg make everyone a juice or water at dinner. Carry a bag of shopping in. Turn off washing machine.

Personally I think I need to make them do a bit more but its effort to get them to do the above.

My youngest are 10 and 12. They don't have set jobs but will do them when asked. The 12 year olds is to fill and empty the dishwasher. I do not expect him to just get up at the same time each day and do it but he does it every time he is asked. The 10cyear old does the washing we sort colours together then she fills the machine and puts it on, when that is done she will take it out and put it on the dryer and put the next load in the washer etc untill completed. These jobs are interchangeable but they each chose to do theirs. They clean, vacumm, put away, help with groceries and cooking every time they are asked. Deal with their own laundry and each has a meal they can cook for the family {age appropriate} if asked at short notice.
They have never been asked to clean toilets or scrub showers but the older 2 have their own bathroom and keep that clean themselves.

I never had chores but looking back now I actually wish I did as I find it difficult as an adult to look after myself since I'm so used to everything being done for me.

I don't pay for chores to be done. And I don't expect anything but looking after themselves - and making me a coffee - to be done before school.

DS (12) and DD (10). Neither have chores, we have a cleaner so there isn't any hoovering or general cleaning to be done. We pay them to wash the cars sometimes, DS will collect DD from her wraparound club if asked. DD often helps with dinner because she enjoys it.

My mum was a SAHM and didn't ask DSis and I to do chores and we both adult perfectly well. DH and I both work FT, perhaps we should be giving them regular chores but it's not really crossed my mind before.

Only set chore is to cook the dinner once a week. DC are 12 and 14. Think this is an important life skill as well as helping out.

Apart from that they have to put clean washing away and tidy rooms.

Mine are 7 and 10. DD10 year old makes a meal at weekend (risotto/ fajitas/ pasta dish) as well as a dessert most weekends. She puts her own laundry away, keeps her room tidy, cleans out hens, feed cats and dogs, makes tea for me and DH when requested. DS7 tidies his room, clothes into laundry basket, clears table, makes his bed if shouted at... I have no qualms about making them contribute to the running of the house. We both work full time, make good money, and the kids reap the rewards. They know that we don't exist purely to run around after them

Mine don't have chores. Eldest became a neat freak of her own accord during lockdown, thanks to youtube, although this only applies to her room... she declutters things to the landing.

Absolutely not essential to have fixed chores and I never did.
I grew up like cinderella doing cooking and housework from age 11. Cleaning and cooking dinner when I got home from school ready for parents coming home from work. Never wanted my DC to be burdened with that.

I taught them how to do everything and they would do stuff if asked but they never had a list of chores. If I wanted a meal cooking or bathroom cleaning they would do it but it wasn't expected all the time.
They managed to become fully functioning adults who do their own chores in their own homes.

Mine has never had set "chores" as such but she has been doing her own laundry and tidying her own room since she was around 9. She has also been changing the sheets on her bed since 10/11ish. She helps with cooking as and when required and quite often hoovers upstairs and sometimes downstairs if she has been doing her room. She'll help with general cleaning if I ask her to but not on a set schedule.

My 11 yr old doesn't have a list of chores, but she's expected to take her share of the housework when we ask, and in fact she often volunteers for more.

The types of chores she does include:

• Empyting dishwasher
• Laying table for about half the meals
• Clearing her own plate etc after a meal - every meal
• Tidying room and play room before cleaner comes every week
• Putting dirty clothes in the laundry basket
• Carrying the children's laundry bin to utility
• Putting her clean clothes away in drawers
• Cooking some meals
• Vacuuming the crumbs under the table with the mini vacuum
• Will occasionally volunteer to hoover a whole room
• Wiping down a sink
• Feeding cat
• Emptying her lunchbox
• Making her lunchbox

Her room tends to be a tip, but I don't worry about it as long as once a week it's tidy enough for the cleaners to clean.

Yes I think they really need to be taught if they live in a house they should contribute to the cleanliness of the house and the tasks involved in everyday life.

Mine are 12 and 15 and they load/unload dishwasher, wipe table after meals, make small meals, Hoover, steam mop, strip beds, put laundry on a wash cycle, dust, clean the main bathroom, put the bins out, take out recycling, walk the dog, feed the dog, iron their own school uniform.

Obviously myself and my partner also do all of those tasks too so it's divided equally based on what needs doing.

I think it teaches them how to be a functioning adult.

I have just stuck a reminder note on the kitchen door saying we (DH, DC 11 and 15) are equally responsible for

Putting dirty plates/crockery in the dishwasher or by the sink
Feeding the pets (washing their bowls if required)
Putting out recycling
Taking clean laundry upstairs (after I have washed/ironed it)
Clearing up after preparing food

..otherwise I feel like the house skivvy!! (I do all the cleaning and most general admin and tidying)

DC also have to make their bed, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket and occassionally unload the dishwasher.