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Original poster

To assume all 11/12 year olds have chores ?

112 replies

choresornot · 21/09/2021 17:29

Dd 11 doesn’t think she needs to

I’ve explained other children have chores but she thinks its unfair

Please tell me what/ how much dc this age do so I can show her as currently she’s sulking and has been quite rude because I asked her to sit in the room with her sibling (on her phone ! Just to watch not interact or do any caring etc) while I cooked and did the dishwasher and some washing.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 21/09/2021 20:02

My 10yo and 8yo are expected to tidy their own rooms including hoovering and stripping the bed, but I help to remake them. They have to lay the table if asked and take their own dishes to the kitchen. They help with tidying and hoovering other areas of the house when asked, they don't normally make a huge fuss.

CatsArePeople · 21/09/2021 20:05

no set chores, but expected to help out with housework, also to pick up after themselves and keep their own rooms clean.

TastyToastie · 21/09/2021 20:07

It's a bit of a redundant category for us. Mine puts own clothes away, nominally is meant to tidy own bedroom, makes own breakfast and some weekend lunches, washed own breakfast bowl and cup, organises own schoolbooks etc with help, takes lunchbox and water bottle through to kitchen. None of that I really consider chores though, it's just life/self management.

He does empty the dishwasher or wash up the lunchboxes on weekdays, and occasionally will vacuum or fold a wash if asked. But we put emptying the dishwasher in the same sort of category as brushing his teeth and remembering to charge his phone. It's all just Stuff He Needs To Do. We don't have a separate box labelled "chores".

parietal · 21/09/2021 20:10

Unload dishwasher when asked. Put on or hang up a load of laundry if asked. Keep their room tolerably tidy. Help with things like baking but that isn't really a chore.

Surpriseat42 · 21/09/2021 20:12

I think you can instil respect and helpfulness without chores per se. I didn’t have any chores as a child and appreciate that, and I was always helpful . Our DC help from time to time so know how to put a wash on, vacuum etc but don’t do regular jobs except when I’m wanting help.
I think it’s helpful to encourage tidiness early in case it sets a pattern throughout life ! So dS for example has two boxes he has to keep all his Beanos tidy in, and dirty clothes have to go in the bathroom etc

Larryyourwaiter · 21/09/2021 20:12

Mine doesn’t. I never had them either. I also never went food shopping as I had older siblings.
When I got in my mid teens I became very interested in keeping my bedroom clean and tidy and started cooking because I was interested in it.
I’ve never had an issue managing to do any household chores.

CarrotSticks23 · 21/09/2021 20:16

The only set task I had to do as a child was wash up or load/unload the dishwasher. I hated this and used to beg my mum to do literally any other household task other than the dishwasher.

Now as an adult the only household task I really struggle to do is the washing up! I think my mum instilled some sort of life long washing up trauma Grin

I think children should help when asked but I'm not sure about set chores, bar basics like tidy up after themselves, clothes in the wash bin etc. I wouldn't be impressed about any winging if they've been asked to do something though

Woeismethischristmas · 21/09/2021 20:17

I’m another whose kids are expected to help on request, set the table, Hoover, dust feed the dog, cat etc clean rooms at weekend. Put clothes away etc. They do get paid for extras like hoovering the car, weeding the gravel, filling in the potholes on the drive, collecting eggs. Encourages them to save though or to understand the cost of things. They all know 2 quid egg money goes a lot further at Aldi than the corner store!

user89000005 · 21/09/2021 20:18

@Surpriseat42 absolutely, not saying it's the only way. But I would say I was quite a selfish teenager that didn't appreciate what my parents did for me, I didn't have chores, I think chores would have done me good tbh. DH had a lot of chores, he's very resentful of it but he's extremely self sufficient and let's just say I struggled adjusting to adulthood (and marriage) more than he did. But I would say I had the happier childhood ha, our parents are probably to the extreme though, which is why we are going for something in the middle. Just some anecdata from me but think it does very much depend on the child and family.

Evesgarden · 21/09/2021 20:19

I have a 5 year old and 9 year old dds and they both do chores. They have always been expected to clean up after themselves even from being a toddler and putting toys away after playing with them.

My five year old mainly hoovers and wipes wood work down, takes plates to the sink, makes bed nothing major. My 9 year old can put a wash on.

I have a 17 year old employee who couldn't even mop a floor or bush up, when she started working for me, she literally didn't know how to squeeze a mop dry...

Mombie2021 · 21/09/2021 20:21

13YO and 10YO clear dinner plates away, clean the dining table and load the dishwasher. Every night.

At weekends they put their clean, dry, folded laundry away.

One of my friends thinks I’m a monster.

One of my friends thinks I’m an idiot and they don’t do enough and aren’t learning crucial life skills.

LovePoppy · 21/09/2021 20:25

Gosh
I’m quite cruel
I make my 5 and 7 year olds tidy rooms, make their beds and put away their laundry! (Or fold and I’ll put away)

By 12 I was doing my own laundry and if I wanted to do it I had to do the laundry so I was already in the queue in front of me

LovePoppy · 21/09/2021 20:25

I also make them carry their own backpacks to and from school, about a kilometer each way. Apparently that’s just the meanest thing I could do

Ionlydomassiveones · 21/09/2021 20:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Cbtb · 21/09/2021 20:30

My 5 year old has chores! I fully expect her to have more at 11. She has to make her bed, collect the eggs and feed the chickens their corn. She also has to help tidy her room once a week. She’s currently too short to help with the dishwasher as she can’t reach the cupboards but that will be next. Cannot imagine 11yr old not having tasks to do.

DDMAC · 21/09/2021 20:30

12&10 year olds here. 10 year old is good to tidy her dishes after her, 12 year old not so much. They take turns making the dogs dinner, usually with an argument. I’ve just gone back to ft college so they’ve been told to pull up blinds in morning and make beds, whether this continues I think I am probably hoping too much. 10 year old takes washing out of the machine when I remember to ask/good for her dyspraxia and they both bring wash in off the line. That’s it. It worries me that 12 year old is a bit entitled, avoids work as much as he can get away with, like your dd op, he thinks it’s not fair 🙄will actually want to be paid for anything measly thing he does. we had a rota in our house growing up and it worked well.

UndertheCedartree · 21/09/2021 20:33

My 14 yo does his laundry, keeps his room tidy and empties the dishwasher every day. He also helps me put the bins out and cooks meals now and then. He has done this since he was 11.

Rosebel · 21/09/2021 20:33

Mine are a bit older 13 and 15 but they've had chores since they were 10, despite telling me none of their friends do (perhaps they don't but they don't live with their friends parents so it's not relevant).
Washing /drying up 4 x a week.
Making beds and changing sheets once a week.
Emptying bins, sorting recycling
Feeding the cats.
Putting dirty clothes in laundry basket
They don't have to cook but will sometimes offer to make tea (I'm always happy to give up that chore).
DD2 did start doing her own laundry last year but she seems to have given up on that lately.
They also do play with their little brother quite a lot and will get him up from naps etc but that's not expected

MoonlightMedicine · 21/09/2021 20:34

No chores here.

lannistunut · 21/09/2021 20:36

Mine at that age did lots for themselves (ironing school uniform, packed lunch, making beds) and helped when asked (sorting washing, setting table, hoovering), but we never had a rota.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/09/2021 20:38

Clearing the dishwasher

Putting own clothes away

Generally keeping bedroom tidy and clearing up after themselves

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/09/2021 20:38

But yes education comes first and homework more important

Evesgarden · 21/09/2021 20:40

In Japan the school kids clean the schools themselves for 15 mins a day. Its probably one of the reasons Japan is the cleanest country in the world and greenest for environment protection.

I think we should do that here too.

Mrscaptainraymondholt · 21/09/2021 20:50

My 11 year old has to keep her room tidy, polish, put away her clothes, bring down dishes and empty her bins, empty the dishwasher 4-5 times a week and strip her bed and make it (except duvet cover as that’s too hard).

Occasionally she also has to put the washing in the machine and put it on too and walk one of the dogs with her dad a couple of times a week.

We’re working up to making one meal a week for us all but she does her own breakfast and does her packed lunch most days.

Limejuiceandrum · 21/09/2021 20:53

Well you can see the men on this thread that will end up total cunts of partners. If which there are HUGE amounts even in young ish people
And people say don’t blame the mothers.