To not want to say my pronouns

[Bamechage]

Completely happy to get roasted here and for people to tell me I’m wrong but I’m a woman and my name is always mistaken for a man as I shorten it to unisex. I enjoy the ambiguity of it and that in written correspondence people don’t know. Where I work have made it mandatory and I understand it’s to be more inclusive but I liked people not knowing. Have I completely missed the point here and aibu?

I hate this bolleaux.

My chosen pronouns are nothing/whichsoever/yonder

@Nothanksverymuch

I have my name as my preferred pronouns in my works email footer.

If people are talking about me in the third person, they can use my fucking name.

Love your reasoning

My workplace has started this nonsense too, thankfully not mandatory so I ignore, although for some Indian colleagues we email it would be helpful as sometimes can't tell from their names.

They also suggested to be inclusive we could all consider, instead of using mum/dad, son/daughter etc to use parent or child instead.

So instead of saying to a colleague "how is your mum, is she out of hospital yet?" I should say "how is your parent, are they out of hospital yet...........?" 🙄

It sounds bloody heartless and is not happening!

Even this madness will pass...... If work force you to then say she, he, it

No, I’d be more inclined to say that my pronouns are I, me, my, myself mine, as I don’t normally refer to myself in the third person!

It's not inclusive. It's the equivalent of forcing somebody to state their religion or race. It's only 'inclusive' of those people who are comfortable drawing attention to and identifying with a gender and who don't feel they will be put at a disadvantage.

I would say ‘I’m not sure what my pronouns should be - perhaps you could send me a short definition of ‘man’ and ‘woman’ ‘genders’ and I’ll let you know.’

Oh ffs just looked up Ed Davey on Twitter:

husband, father, carer, and MP for Kingston & Surbiton. Campaigning for a greener, fairer and more caring country. He/him

Just don’t do it.
I bet nothing will come of it
and hopefully this wankery will pass soon

So a man who didn’t even know the concept of ‘gender’ 5 years ago suddenly has a gender identity. How convenient.

Just say you arent going to do because you are not comfortable disclosing your gender identity like that.

Not RTFT, but has anyone posted this yet?

fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

It was written by a mumsnetter.

@Wrongsideofhistorymyarse

YANBU.

When asked to give my pronouns at work:

1. I pointed out sexism www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/what-happened-when-a-man-signed-work-emails-using-a-female-name-for-a-week_n_58c2ce53e4b054a0ea6a4066?ri18n=true
2. I mentioned Stereotype threat en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotype_threat
3. I said that I am gender critical, that I don't believe in gender and stated that it is a protected belief

I don't think they'll ask me again.

You are a champ!

I have !learned so much from the threads on here that I'm prepared for my work ever making noises about it going on signatures. I've noticed a few people doing it but luckily it isn't widespread (yet)

although for some Indian colleagues we email it would be helpful as sometimes can't tell from their names

Why should it matter though? Why do you need to know? It’s possible to draft without using pronouns if you’re not sure- eg “Mahendra has asked you to send him the report” or “Mahendra has complained about his salary” you could say “can that report please be sent to Mahendra” or “Mahendra has raised an issue relating to pay bandings”.

@Bamechagehow do you approach this- if someone writes to or refers to you and uses he/him do you correct them? Presumably it doesn’t my annoy you that you were assumed to be male as you’ve found that to be an advantage.

@Antinerak

Most people who prefer to keep their gender identity unknown go by They/Them. I've found it helps when working in places where women aren't valued as much as men, it doesn't mean I'm gender fluid or non-binary, just that sometimes it helps to not be seen as a woman.

IME people who get very upset or strongly refuse when asked to state their pronouns are those who are questioning their identity or have a very fragile gender identity. Some should just go by the pronouns Ka/Ren

@Antinerak

I have no intention of stating my pronouns. But I do not "get upset" or "strongly refuse".
You do not speak for me.
Have you any evidence to back up "IME"?
I would suggest that you are basing your comments on your opinion, not your experience.
Your last paragraph is assumptive, judgemental, frankly childish, and insulting.
Your last sentence says more about you than any so-called "Karen" you refer to so ridiculously and discriminately.

Some bright spark at work has decided that putting pronouns in emails will be "strongly encouraged". Everyone has strongly declined.

Making people declare their pronouns is asking for personal information which companies have no right to collect. It is both transphobic (forcing people to out themselves) and misogynistic , as it is well known that in many male dominated industries, being outed as a women to clients etc is a detriment.

I don't have a gender identity. What I am is an adult female human - a woman.

@Wrongsideofhistorymyarse

YANBU.

When asked to give my pronouns at work:

1. I pointed out sexism www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/what-happened-when-a-man-signed-work-emails-using-a-female-name-for-a-week_n_58c2ce53e4b054a0ea6a4066?ri18n=true
2. I mentioned Stereotype threat en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stereotype_threat
3. I said that I am gender critical, that I don't believe in gender and stated that it is a protected belief

I don't think they'll ask me again.

and 4) it coerces and pressures people still considering their identity into a choice of revealing it publicly or publicly stating an identity they feel to be untrue.

It helps absolutely no-one but (IME) virtue signalers who are disproportionately white MC possessors of penises .

It would find that intensely irritating. If they insist and you like the ambiguity though can you not just say They/Them?

If it helps anyone - there was a letter recently on Ask a Manager - which is a ultra-woke-TWAW-death-to-JKR site but still manages to agree that mandating pronoun usage can actually be damaging to trans people by forcing them to either out or misgender themselves

www.askamanager.org/2021/06/my-office-wants-my-pronouns-but-im-still-figuring-it-out.html

Might be useful for those who don't want to stick their head too far above the parapet as it shows you don't necessarily have to be GC to oppose some of these ill-thought out ideas.

You clearly know you won't be roasted on mn for this perspective so yabu to suggest you may be. There is a thread on this every couple of days.

For what it's worth I think yabu not to be willing to endure a very slight inconvenience in order to support an oppressed minority.

@Unfashionable I work in public sector where this kind of bollocks is starting to become rife. Because two of the blokiest men you can imagine have decided they are they/them and like to wear dresses. Makes me feel sick.

i usually go with GC/AF

For what it's worth I think yabu not to be willing to endure a very slight inconvenience in order to support an oppressed minority.

Which trans people are you trying to support? If somebody has changed their name so that it’s obvious which pronouns they would rather you use, I don’t think it’s particularly supportive to suggest that you don’t know by ostentatiously announcing your pronouns.

Meanwhile if somebody is uncomfortable with gender, insisting that they choose and identify with a pronoun isn’t asking them to endure a slight convenience, it’s bullying.

Yanbu. This stating pronouns nonsense is Stonewall’s way of forcing people into one of two camps: those who say what Stonewall tell them to, and those who Stonewall hate and feel free to harrass. They think they’re at war, it’s very odd.