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AIBU?

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Original poster

Partner violent when sugars are low.

390 replies

Badlytornfrube · 20/09/2021 16:19

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 20/09/2021 21:37

I’m concerned that someone claiming to be a medical professional is denying common and known symptoms of a hypo

I suspect 'medical professional' means HCA or radiographer (not that I'm dissing either job, but they aren't experts on diabetes).

TartanJumper · 20/09/2021 21:37

Low blood sugar can cause aggression, but if thats the case he needs to get it properly under control.
And either he or she and the baby needs to leave until that happens.

rwalker · 20/09/2021 21:39

Lets hope some of the experiences people have shared are here educated the ignorant.

LemonFantaGin · 20/09/2021 21:41

I think this post highlights how little is known about diabetes and the possible effects, you may know 20 people with diabetes, and 19 of them don't get violent when sugars are low, but 1 does, that doesn't make it bullshit, it makes it less common.

Your friend should take steps to keep herself and her child safe whilst her partner gets help to stabilise his sugar, just because it can be due to sugar levels, doesn't mean she is any less danger of being harmed again.

I voted YABU because of the reasons above, but I agree with her taking reasonable steps to stay safe.

Mynameisthecatwhogotthecream · 20/09/2021 21:47

I remember my dm(a gp and t1 for over forty years at the time) fighting my stepfather off while having a severe hypo. He was trying to get glucogel into her before she became unconscious. She was not a violent person but her insulin was being changed as the one she had been on for years was being discontinued.

headintheproverbial · 20/09/2021 21:49

Yes, severe low sugars can cause aggression and confusion.

It sounds as tho the lows are really extreme and it's bizarre that an injury could cause this. Id suggest an urgent doctor's appointment. It goes without saying the extreme lows can be fatal.

Steelesauce · 20/09/2021 21:51

I got given a black eye last year by a 86 year old man having a hypo because I was trying to give him glucogel. Hes normally such a placid guy but my god, when he hypos its like fighting a bear!

upthekyber · 20/09/2021 21:57

Yes they do become aggressive. I worked with a nurse who's first sign was her getting verbal with people. He needs is doing the right thing seeing the GP.

Tuliprain · 20/09/2021 22:06

@TooBigForMyBoots

Some shocking levels of ignorance around diabetes on this thread.

There certainly is @eyeslikebutterflies.Sad

Agree 😢
WhenwillSleephappen · 20/09/2021 22:46

@cinders15

Bollocks!!! I've had T1 for over 50 years!! Yes I get grumpy with a hypo, but I'm not violent by nature so would never bite or hit anyone!! I have learned to treat my hypos quickly and not eat too much so I rollercoaster, or I feel crap next day and it takes ages for a high blood sugar to stabilise!
That’s good that’s your experience, but I’m surprised you’re so naive to think it is everyone’s.
TooBigForMyBoots · 20/09/2021 23:08

Flowers to all those on the thread whose lives are blighted by this devastating condition. And have to put up with the sort of ignorance shown here.Sad

I hope that posters and lurkers have learned something about T1 diabetes.

Ljmumun · 20/09/2021 23:09

Another partner of type 1 here. He's the most calm and reasonable man normally. If he goes low he gets verbally aggressive and if pushed can throw plates etc not at anyone just on the floor. He was worse on Lantus a type of long acting insulin and I belive this may be a known issue. He's not on it anymore for other reasons. I learnt long ago when he gets low place orange juice and sugar near him say your low and leave him too it. It saves plates ! It's not DV in any form. I'm an NHS professional and have seen this in patients too. He needs help which he is asking for. Maybe suggest the leaving sugar in sight.and leaving to your friend. In a confused state forcing glucose or anything else can make situations worse.

abbey44 · 21/09/2021 00:05

Just finished catching up on pages of replies and it's very obvious who's T1 or had close experience with it. As for some of the others, it's really shocking (and quite depressing) to see such misunderstanding and ignorance. I hope I'm never around people like you when I'm having a hypo!

TheCatterall · 21/09/2021 00:11

[quote MrsFin]www.thediabetescouncil.com/are-people-with-diabetes-more-prone-to-aggression/amp/[/quote]
Exactly what I was going to share. Ohhh the hours (3 seconds) of fact checking that took to find…

But the diabetes council… I mean what do they know… Hmm

For people who are sensitive to the low blood glucose level condition, they may become delusional and even aggressively violent. When others try to assist them or treat them of hypoglycemia, they can become abnormally combative…

GingerScallop · 21/09/2021 03:49

She cannot assume she or her baby will be safe. While T1 can cause aggression, it does not mean she should endure behaviour that leaves her or her baby unsafe ( pushed, she can fall and hit her head or baby's head is s/he is in her arms). He needs to get the diabetes under control and while he is doing that she must do everything possible to protect herself and baby even if it means moving out temporarily. A real positive is that he is actively seeking help so sounds like he is not the run of the mill abuser (if there is such a thing). Hugs to your friend

Sunshinealligator · 21/09/2021 04:12

When I worked for the NHS on the 111 lines, I learnt quite interestingly that diabetics becoming violent when it's out of character can be a sign that their sugar levels are extremely out of the range they should be in, if I remember correctly it was that they would be low rather than high (as you explained in the original post)

However, there are a few things that are concerning,
-he has never hit or bit his children, this is said like he has some control. Does he have control? If he has enough control that his children aren't in danger, then why is it different with his partner? This issue wouldn't really allow for the differentiation to be with him at that moment.

-this sounds like its happened quite a few times. It needs to be better controlled if this really is diabetes, but at minimum he needs to keep himself away from his partner and kids until its under control, for their safety. Regardless of the reason behind his violent outbursts.

CalmConfident · 21/09/2021 04:40

I would hazard a guess the biting happened when partner tried to get him to take sugar / chocolate / hypostop (as that is what you absolutely urgently need them to do to stop dropping further) but that is when a lash-out likely happens as they resist. It is not random.

It’s really upsetting.

CalmConfident · 21/09/2021 04:43

Ah….it is there in that Diabetes council statement.

For people who are sensitive to the low blood glucose level condition, they may become delusional and even aggressively violent. When others try to assist them or treat them of hypoglycemia, they can become abnormally combative…

It is when you try to intervene it gets difficult. Totally true in my experience of T1 friend.

CalmConfident · 21/09/2021 04:50

Sadly the other option is to avoid the confrontation which means sugars continue to fall until they pass out, go into a diabetic coma, and risk serious harm or death. Not a great option :(

You have to find tricks / methods to get them to have the sugar needed - but the longer it goes on the harder it is to resolve as logic goes out the window and urgency escalates.

You have to catch it early as possible which is where good monitoring is game-changing.

Ninkanink · 21/09/2021 04:53

@Annoyedanddissapointed

Please all those who are being nasty about diabetics: can you stop and think before you type, please? Or read up on the condition first? It's pretty devastating to read some of the things posted here when my little boy has it - will he end up on the receiving end of abuse like yours, just because he has a condition he didn't ask for, and has to live with for the rest of his life?

While i symphatise, it cannot just be waved kver with "oh well he has a condition and he said he went to a gp for help so all is fine".

No it is not. While glucose levels can absolutely affect mood, what does a sane person do when they became abusive to this level? Temporarily remove themselves from the situation until ghey are not having the issue anymore. It cannot just be "meh it is what it is" tolerated. Frankly, no one should have to be keeping in dangerous relationship for any reason. And even verbal abuse has a strong effect on a victim too.
As much as I loved my father and tolerated his moods, if he ever touched any of us, that would be the limit. Let alone repeatedly.

You do not understand diabetic hypos.

It’s not about being ‘moody’.

LaBellina · 21/09/2021 05:11

Your friend should realize that regardless of medical reasons someone might have for their behavior no one should have to put up with abuse.

LoislovesStewie · 21/09/2021 05:30

From the NHS website signs of a hypo
sweating.
feeling tired.
dizziness.
feeling hungry.
tingling lips.
feeling shaky or trembling.
a fast or pounding heartbeat (palpitations)
becoming easily irritated, tearful, anxious or moody.
Yes, people whose blood sugar drops very low quickly can become aggressive. I'm not saying he doesn't have other issues, but that is the case.
My, normally placid adult child can become verbally aggressive, it's how I know he needs sugar urgently.

bakebeans · 21/09/2021 06:09

Yes it can cause aggressiveness but it’s more like like lashing out and usually when trying to be helped. This would be when the sugars are extremely low usually.
If this is the case and is happening often then he shouldn’t be driving either as he should be able to be aware his levels are becoming low before he gets to that stage so they can be treated. It does sounds at bit off to me
It sounds like he needs education on how to manage his diabetes and how the insulin works. A monitor will only show him what his levels are doing.

Oblomov21 · 21/09/2021 06:23

All the posts at the beginning of this thread saying 'it's bollocks' is really disheartening. Total ignorance. It is a well known characteristic of diabetes. Not all, but some. I've had it. I hate it, I'm ashamed but it's part of the condition, or can be.

Ninkanink · 21/09/2021 06:24

People are extremely ignorant.

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