Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

It’s interesting how some people are saying ”oh I’m T1D/ am related to someone who has it and they’d never be aggressive”, yet those who are health care professionals have said it’s not exactly common but it is known behaviour.

OP, you sound like a supportive friend. She’s lucky to have you. No matter the cause, if your friend feels unsafe, her priority should always be her baby and herself, and she shouldn’t ever feel guilty for stepping away.

@samwitwicky

Low Blood sugar doesn't make you violent it makes you feel woozy and slow. He's lying and abusing her

I’ve never been woozy or slow during a hypo, in your professional medical opinion does that mean I am mistaken and it wasn’t a hypo.

Utter bull shit!

@insatiableme

Utter bull shit!

I’m impressed by how many posters have access to top secret research on T1, so secret it means all proven research is completely wrong.

Impressive isn't it, @Simonjt !

@samwitwicky

Low Blood sugar doesn't make you violent it makes you feel woozy and slow. He's lying and abusing her

why are you just…making things up?

@Badlytornfrube

To answer some questions.

Each incident has been when he is having a hypo and she is trying to intervene.
He is remorseful and has gone to get medical help.
I don’t know the name of his new monitor but apparently it beeps a lot in the night.

They have been together for two years but have known each other for 10+ years.

I have learnt a lot from this thread. I am still very worried about her but I am feeling more sympathetic towards him.

Right, well that makes sense. It sounds like it was a defence response. He didn’t seek her out to bite her - he ‘defended’ himself (in his very confused mind). That is not unusual with a bad hypo. I cannot stress enough how absent a person with a severe hypo can be. Their brain is operating on a very primitive level. It’s an awful thing.

To all the fuckwits saying that it doesn’t happen - yes, it does How many times does that have to be repeated?? If you’re saying this and have Type 1 yourself, count yourself lucky that you’ve never had a severe hypo like this.

OP, you say he’s remorseful and has sought help. That’s important. Hopefully with his Libre (or whatever it is) the alarms will alert him to falling blood sugar so he can ward off the hypos. He also needs to urgently speak to his Diabetes Specialist Nurse or consultant and get some advice about possibly reducing or adjusting his insulin. Finally, sometimes severe hypos are one of the first signs of coeliac disease, which is far more common in people with Type 1 diabetes, so just another thing to rule out.

@SpittinKitten

Impressive isn't it, *@Simonjt* !

I’m in awe to be in the presence of such a genius

@eyeslikebutterflies - you have my utmost admiration. Any parent (including my own mother) who cares for a T1 child does. Dealing with this illness for myself can be terrifying enough; I can't imagine the worry it must cause when it's your own child.
Every hypo is differnt, but sometimes there are similar symptoms that you will learn about your son. My husband pointed out to me a couple years ago that the left side of my mouth starts to droop when my bloods go low. Something I had never even realised myself (I usually don't worry about access to a mirror during a hypo!), but now when he notices it, he tells me to test my blood/scans my libre himself.

@Badlytornfrube - Please don't apologise. It wasn't your original post that upset me. You admitted yourself that you know very little about the disease, and so was asking for some genuine advice, due to concern and worry about your friend. It was just some of the comments afterwards that both surprised and upset me.

My dh used to get angry and be absolutely unreasonable to a crazy degree before he was diagnosed with diabetes. No excuse for violence though. Biting? Wtf! That's not even a knee jerk reaction you'd have to go out of your way to actually bite someone.

[quote Badlytornfrube]@CurzonDax I am very sorry for any upset I have caused. At the start of this thread I was very ignorant of what T1 can cause.[/quote]
You have nothing to apologise for, OP. You were concerned about your friend, and asking a perfectly reasonable question.

Unfortunately, some of the replies are total bullshit - but that's AIBU, for you 🤷‍♀️

@TheVolturi

My dh used to get angry and be absolutely unreasonable to a crazy degree before he was diagnosed with diabetes. No excuse for violence though. Biting? Wtf! That's not even a knee jerk reaction you'd have to go out of your way to actually bite someone.

Not if they are trying to put sugary gel on your gums, FFS. You clearly know nothing about the management of hypos.

And GOK what your DH's behaviour before he was diagnosed has got to do with anything. Only diabetics on treatment get hypos. Undiagnosed diabetics have high blood sugar, not low.

I believe it. Some posters have given you some evidence on it.
With a monitor he should be able to control his sugar level.
There is a pump that can be connected to the monitoring system, so it doses the patient when needed to keep sugar stable.
But if continues, she will have to think of her safety and leave for herself and her baby.

Well that's me well and truly told off then 🤣🤣

Thanks @CurzonDax it's definitely been a journey since his diagnosis. He'd lost a quarter of his body weight, though (and he was only slim to start with), so now it's lovely to see him return to a normal weight. Thanks for that tip, too: my son can't tell when he's going high, but does know when he's going low. And he goes SUPER pale, gets big dark circles around his eyes almost instantaneously - it's super weird but yeah, I see those panda eyes and reach for the glucose tablets!!

Low blood sugars can definitely cause both verbal and physical aggression ( Ive seen it as a nurse on numerous occasions ).
That doesn’t mean that your friend should have to accept this behaviour .
However , she’s an adult and it’s up to her what she wants to do .
Don’t get involved .
If she mentions anything about aggression towards his children then you need to contact social services

So depressing seeing all the ignorance on here. I could just cry.

Yes a hypo can make you violent. Even the most lovely gentle people.

Yes that violence would be directed to anybody at the time. It's not controlled violence at all. Why can't people read! The violence would normally be directed towards the very person trying to help them.

A lot of people on here really need to go and educate themselves a lot more. Just knowing someone who is diabetic or having a granny etc with type 2 really doesn't give you any of the knowledge of what a type 1 goes through. Oh, and funnily enough not all type 1s are the same either. The human body is a complicated thing and so many little things can effect your blood sugar.

The man in this case is seeking help. Sadly some diabetic teams leave a lot to be desired and often even gps aren't very knowledgeable either. Hopefully he has a good team around him that can help him with his control. I agree the freestyle libre is a complete game changer. I'd really encourage him to push for one if he can.

Can I also just put a reminder that a diabetic having a hypo does not need insulin! That would kill them. Can't believe people still think this.

I often wonder if the media focus on type 2s and (incorrectly) presenting them all as fat losers who have brought it on themselves and are draining the nhs has badly affected how Type 1s are seen. It's clear the majority on here are so narrow minded and just don't have a clue.
I think if you don't have knowledge of the disease maybe keep your ill informed opinion to yourself. It's dangerous.

My DH of 20 years is a T1 diabetic and only once has been physically aggressive, but he was barely conscious, and it was terrifying. But plenty of hypos he’s been very uncharacteristically verbally nasty, and that really isn’t him. So yes, very low sugars can cause awful behaviour but in my now long standing experience, very rarely. He was utterly mortified when he came round

@eyeslikebutterflies

Thanks *@CurzonDax* it's definitely been a journey since his diagnosis. He'd lost a quarter of his body weight, though (and he was only slim to start with), so now it's lovely to see him return to a normal weight. Thanks for that tip, too: my son can't tell when he's going high, but does know when he's going low. And he goes SUPER pale, gets big dark circles around his eyes almost instantaneously - it's super weird but yeah, I see those panda eyes and reach for the glucose tablets!!

You’ll gradually build a small library of signs….pale and hollow eyes as you’ve seen, also for us, very quiet, repeats himself, stumbles, just kind of stares almost through me instead of looking at me, yawns a huge amount, can’t make a decision and keeps performing the same action. Often seems to be looking for something but has no idea what!!

I've looked after type 1's for years as a medical professional and have a couple of them as relatives whom I live with.
I live with DiL because she has serious hypos and often needs medical intervention to get the blood sugar up.
Sure they can be grumpy, sometimes say odd things and be a bit aggressive but violent behaviour no.
If so how come he hasn't assaulted the kids or any of his medical professionals or people at work?
If it's just you I'd be wondering why that is OP.
Even if it was something purely medical you would still not be obliged to live with someone who is violent towards you.

Yes, it can happen. I hope he has a good doc and gets those sugars level.

Low blood sugar absolutely can cause verbal abuse,aggression and other behavior changes-a lot of times it can be mistaken for drunkenness and lead to arrests-very dangerous because can lead to coma and death if not recognized, treated so very important for diabetics to wear medical jewelry stating they are diabetic and to carry forms of quick glucose such as tablets or hard candy,ready made tube of icing.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I've looked after type 1's for years as a medical professional and have a couple of them as relatives whom I live with. I live with DiL because she has serious hypos and often needs medical intervention to get the blood sugar up. Sure they can be grumpy, sometimes say odd things and be a bit aggressive but violent behaviour no. If so how come he hasn't assaulted the kids or any of his medical professionals or people at work? If it's just you I'd be wondering why that is OP. Even if it was something purely medical you would still not be obliged to live with someone who is violent towards you.

I’m concerned that someone claiming to be a medical professional is denying common and known symptoms of a hypo.

It sounds like this is a very recent thing since his injury. I suspect the violence has been directed towards the partner purely because she is the one trying to bring him round from the hypo. It's really not unheard of. If Dr's or work colleagues were trying to help him I think he would have the same response.
I despair at so many people thinking it isn't a thing just because they haven't encountered it. People on this thread with experience have said time and time again that it is proven that aggressive behaviour can occur.
When it comes to biting it could very well be from her trying to administer glucogel etc in the mouth. Often the jaw will clench up or grind.

It used to take 3 of us to deal with a dear T1 friend when she was having a full on hypo.

The full on evil witch phase when sugars dropping was definitely real 😫 Aggressive, verbal, strong and unpredictable.