Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

@Oblomov21

All the posts at the beginning of this thread saying 'it's bollocks' is really disheartening. Total ignorance. It is a well known characteristic of diabetes. Not all, but some. I've had it. I hate it, I'm ashamed but it's part of the condition, or can be.

Its also a reason why so many of us are still denied appropriate medical treatment.

Low sugars in diabetics can cause aggression, a friend had the same thing happen to her as a teenager, then in her 40s, she kow has a pump (not sure of the correct term)
He must get this sorted.

It's a real shame even when presented with facts, people are still so ignorant. I'm sure anyone with T1 who gets aggressive would prefer not to have hypos like that if they could, but they can't help it,
Some people who claim to understand diabetes on this thread may do well with more education on it.

@eyeslikebutterflies

Some shocking levels of ignorance around diabetes on this thread. This comment was spectacularly ignorant and very hurtful (to me, as the mother of a type 1 diabetic boy): "Why would diabetes make someone bite his partner's arm, she isn't made of sugar."

OP, lots of people on this thread have also confirmed that yes, his glucose may be changing his behaviour. High and low glucose levels can have profound impacts on behaviour, and once you reach a certain point you are out of control (and need help/intervention).

He has been to his GP; if he was genuinely abusive he wouldn't have bothered. It sounds like he has been fitted with a continuous glucose monitor: that should send alarms when he gets highs and lows, helping him address them. All hypos (lows) need immediate attention/treatment. If he doesn't have the alarms on his sensor he needs to go back to his GP and request one that does: my son has a Freestyle Libre 2, which connects to an app on his phone and mine. We both get alerts, which your friend's partner may find helpful. He should also be able to access more support: we have an adult diabetes centre near us, for example. Or try Diabetes UK for advice.

As to the injury causing the spikes: yes this is plausible. According to our diabetic nurse, around 50 different things can affect your blood glucose (making them go high or low), but as a diabetic you are only in control of 3 (diet, insulin, exercise). So when something happens to you that is out of the ordinary it makes it hard to control. My son had a MILD cold a few weeks ago, for example, and had massive lows and highs - nothing much we could do about it apart from ride it out.

Please all those who are being nasty about diabetics: can you stop and think before you type, please? Or read up on the condition first? It's pretty devastating to read some of the things posted here when my little boy has it - will he end up on the receiving end of abuse like yours, just because he has a condition he didn't ask for, and has to live with for the rest of his life?

OP, I hope your friend and her partner get the support they need.

That’s all lovely but he’s not her child. She has a child, a tiny defenseless one. I’d want him to move out until he’s controlled it. He should want this too while he can’t control himself. Yes there is type 1 diabetes in my family.

Hello Simon. We see eachother from time to time on diabetic threads.

I have found this thread very very upsetting.

I've had T1 since almost birth, and have been on a pump for 20 years. It still doesn't control it. Mine is very brittle, hard to manage. I work at it, try and control it, it's still hard. Invasive. I've had the pump, the sensor, the libre. I'm under the top London hospital and have been pre dc. I've still go low. The more Dh insists I'm low the more I insist I'm not.

The brain is deprived of enough glucose to function properly. Can you imagine how incredibly embarrassing it is, when you recover, and people tell you how you've been? It's humiliating. Degrading.

Walk a mile in my shoes. See how you like it.

@Oblomov21 I can totally understand why this is so upsetting for you. Unfortunately there are lots of numpties in the world who either can’t or don’t want to grasp anything outside their obviously quite limited experience. Don’t take it to heart too much.

Well if it’s any reassurance as someone who know a bit about T1 diabetes I have found this thread very educational hearing so many people’s experiences has helped me understand a lot more.

Monitors don't catch all hypos.
If you think they do, you are deluded and don't know much about the many many things that affect diabetic control.

It's a balancing act. A hard one. 24/7.

FWIW, my adult child was having regular seizures when his blood sugars dropped too low. He would drop to the floor and thrash around, arms and legs flailing, distressing for him and all about. Hypogel in the mouth massaged into the cheek, and he would come round. But anyone looking on and not understanding would really not know what to do or how to treat the condition. There are so many little known problems associated with type 1 diabetes. I wish people could be kinder and not jump to conclusions.

"He should move out.
He's not safe. "

"He should be monitoring his diabetes. "

Oh. How I laugh.
Monitoring? Easy peasy. What's the problem.

Not.

@Oblomov21

I love how overused the word ‘control’ has been on this thread. Like ‘getting it under control’ is all it takes.

For those willing to learn, it is like nailing the proverbial jelly to a wall. You eat the same meal 20 times at the same time of day and you will have a different starting point and a different reaction to the food each time depending on how hot/cold/happy/sad/scared/tired/how many steps you did round the office/the stress you experienced when your train was delayed/whether there’s an R in the month……Weighing everything and calculating carb content correctly produces this myriad of outcomes you have no real ‘control’ because the pancreas does an amazing job with no fuss until it doesn’t. ‘Control’ is hard to achieve and with the best will in the world, those who do well with control have off days/weeks/months,

If the recent injury involved a head injury, changes in behaviour are very possible. I'd personally investigate that extensively before immediately writing off someone who may well be ill.

Hypos can cause aggressive behaviour in some people. However nobody is required to live with someone who attacks and bites them, especially when also recovering from a new baby.

She needs a break/more support, he needs to continue seeking help to manage his T1 and I really hope that his doctor is smart enough to assess if the OP is the only victim of his behaviour.

Even without it being a head injury the stress/trauma to his body and its system means his glucose control will be going haywire.

However, there are a few things that are concerning,
-he has never hit or bit his children, this is said like he has some control. Does he have control? If he has enough control that his children aren't in danger, then why is it different with his partner? This issue wouldn't really allow for the differentiation to be with him at that moment

FFS! How many times does it have to be explained? The man is lashing out at his partner because she’s the one trying to intervene and get the glucose into him! Read the bloody thread! If it was a paramedic, a neighbour, a colleague or whoever the man could do the same. It is a primitive, fear response because the brain feels it’s in mortal danger - and it is. It is NOT a conscious thought-process or response, or a choice.

@BreatheAndFocus

*However, there are a few things that are concerning, -he has never hit or bit his children, this is said like he has some control. Does he have control? If he has enough control that his children aren't in danger, then why is it different with his partner? This issue wouldn't really allow for the differentiation to be with him at that moment*

FFS! How many times does it have to be explained? The man is lashing out at his partner because she’s the one trying to intervene and get the glucose into him! Read the bloody thread! If it was a paramedic, a neighbour, a colleague or whoever the man could do the same. It is a primitive, fear response because the brain feels it’s in mortal danger - and it is. It is NOT a conscious thought-process or response, or a choice.

Exactly, my AC would shout 'no! quite clearly and hit my hands when I was trying to get some sugar/glucose into their mouth. It probably looked like I was trying to harm him from his point of view.

@Oblomov21

Hello Simon. We see eachother from time to time on diabetic threads.

I have found this thread very very upsetting.

I've had T1 since almost birth, and have been on a pump for 20 years. It still doesn't control it. Mine is very brittle, hard to manage. I work at it, try and control it, it's still hard. Invasive. I've had the pump, the sensor, the libre. I'm under the top London hospital and have been pre dc. I've still go low. The more Dh insists I'm low the more I insist I'm not.

The brain is deprived of enough glucose to function properly. Can you imagine how incredibly embarrassing it is, when you recover, and people tell you how you've been? It's humiliating. Degrading.

Walk a mile in my shoes. See how you like it.

This.

I was also just going to post the image that you did. Think the solution is simple, in order to be in 'control' us T1s just need to:

• Never eat again.
• Never get stressed, or have any other human emotions
• Never move
• Don't have periods each month, or suffer from any hormones full stop.
• Don't go outside. Ever. Stay in, inside one toom that is able to maintain a constant temperature.
• Don't get allergies/any other non-diabetic illness - ever. Although, we should be safe from common colds anyway as we only ever stay inside one room.
• Don't ever interact with other people.

Whilst also having to manually do the job of a vital internal organ. Every single minute, of every single day. Forever.

We got this!

*room, not toom

And just to make it really, really clear to people:

When an individual is having a severe hypo their whole system is in the process of completely shutting down. As pp has said, the brain is in mortal danger. If there is no intervention, THEY WILL DIE. So no, they’re not rational, they’re not in a state of control, they absolutely cannot think and act with purpose.

I personally know two people whose loved one died from an accidental overdose of insulin. My daughter could one day fall into a coma and die simply from taking the meds that keep her alive.

It is no joke, and no, it is not easy nor straightforward for every individual to monitor/control it.

I've, had type one diabetes for 22 years and hypos can make me irritable not not aggressive.

I agree with the PP who said that even given the benefit of the doubt he needs to leave until this is sorted.

It’s very worrying and I’m glad you are looking out for your friend but it is technically possible that his blood sugar is playing a part here. Definitely doesn’t make it OK though and it’s up to him to get this under control immediately.

I said this earlier and I’d like to apologise because this was insensitively worded. I was sympathetic and understood that hypos can cause aggression but I hadn’t fully understood the realities of living with this. I now completely appreciate that getting it ‘under control’ is far easier said than done. He’s remorseful and he’s gone to his GP for help which is the most he can do right now.

I’m so sorry to everyone who has found this thread so upsetting and I hope one positive is that many people have been educated about the realities of living with T1 through reading it.

@Ninkanink

And just to make it really, really clear to people:

When an individual is having a severe hypo their whole system is in the process of completely shutting down. As pp has said, the brain is in mortal danger. If there is no intervention, THEY WILL DIE. So no, they’re not rational, they’re not in a state of control, they absolutely cannot think and act with purpose.

I personally know two people whose loved one died from an accidental overdose of insulin. My daughter could one day fall into a coma and die simply from taking the meds that keep her alive.

It is no joke, and no, it is not easy nor straightforward for every individual to monitor/control it.

A relative of mine died from it too, early 30s. I do understand it’s hard to control even after having managed it all your life. However this doesn’t mean the outcome here is that the op has to feel unsafe in her home with her partner the threat, while she’s looking after a tiny baby. That is unacceptable, whatever the justifiable reason. Posters say the op is being targeted because she’s the one telling him his glucose levels are out. I still think he needs to go somewhere else and have someone else be this person for him for a while, it shouldn’t be someone vulnerable and a woman and new mum is.

That is a different discussion entirely.

It’s simply not true that it’s ‘bollocks’ (which OP has already acknowledged, to her credit), nor that it’s ‘abusive’, nor that there’s anything he can do to just control it.

Of course I understand OPs initial concern and her lack of understanding wasn’t her fault. But her friend has already said that she doesn’t blame him, that it’s due to unstable glucose control and hypos. She capable of understanding his condition and can make that decision. This is what life is like at times for family and partners of diabetics who take insulin.

If it becomes too much for her then perhaps it will be necessary for them to address living arrangements. But OP’s opening premise was wholly inaccurate from a medical perspective and many comments on the thread show a staggering lack of understanding. That is what I’m addressing.

I reported this thread to MNHQ at 8pm last night. I'm surprised and disappointed they have not at least posted to remind posters that T1 Diabetes is a disability many MN members and their family and children suffer from.

I too have reported to MNHQ.