Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

@rwalker

It can happen but rare best off asking doctors and specialist rather than man hating randoms on the internet . They will have medical history and knowledge to answer the question properly and help your friend make the correct choice

^^ this. clinically hypo violence is possible but that needs medical input, not mumsnet. Either way she needs to address the safety issue for her and the baby.

When you’re dealing with a bloke you don’t know you cannot trustingly assume that his violence is triggered by a diabetic hypo.

@TatianaBis, the OP knows this man, his partner and his Ex. His partner who had a baby with him obviously knows him. You agreed with an ignorant statement regarding hypos in the workplace.

If anything perhaps you should educate yourself on the realities of da.

I am very educated in the realities of DA. It is not unreasonable that people commenting on a serious health condition know what they're talking about before spouting ignorant bollocks on the internet.

@TatianaBis sorry for being so 'fucking irritating'

I'm not excusing domestic violence. In my earlier posts I'd made it clear that the poster should stay somewhere safe and that her husband had to seek treatment. Yes of course some men are triggered into violence by the appearance of a baby. I wasn't responding to that. Your comment, the one I replied to, implied that T1s didn't get violent at work. I was pointing out that there are lots of posters on this thread who said that yes, they did. There's a lot of people on here who don't know about T1, who think that it's impossible for someone who is T1 to have a violent episode: as many posters have pointed out, it is. I'm sorry to annoy you; that wasn't my intention and I did try to write my post in a way that wasn't inflammatory.

To answer some questions.

Each incident has been when he is having a hypo and she is trying to intervene.
He is remorseful and has gone to get medical help.
I don’t know the name of his new monitor but apparently it beeps a lot in the night.

They have been together for two years but have known each other for 10+ years.

I have learnt a lot from this thread. I am still very worried about her but I am feeling more sympathetic towards him.

It's true, in some people.

www.diabetes.co.uk/affect-of-hypos-on-relationships.html

@eyeslikebutterflies you answered that much more politely than the response I crafted. I salute your restraint.

@Badlytornfrube glad it has been of help. As many posters have said: it could be an excuse, but his remorse, willingness to seek treatment and a knowledge of T1 would suggest an open mind at this stage. Your friend needs to take steps to keep herself safe, however, and she is within her rights to ask her partner to leave until he has better glucose control.

It's really really tough, and it's a condition that needs micro-managing every day, and I have a lot of sympathy for her and her family. Ask her partner to go back and ask for more support, it's definitely out there but some GPs can be a bit rubbish (ours was; I had to be very assertive to get out glucose monitor sorted).

@TSSDNCOP thank you

You are a good friend OP. I'm glad this thread has helped and I hope this couple can get the support they need.

The monitors can go off a lot at night. It's a crazy and unpredictable condition that varies, even in the same person widely, let alone the popular that are afflicted.

I have a friend with Type 1 and her husband told me that on more than one occasion she has come back from a night out with low blood sugar, and he has had to try to persuade her to eat while she swears at him and literally throws the toast he makes for her back in his face. I don’t know a lot about diabetes but on a first aid course I did they told us that a person having a hypo can appear drunk.

It’s very worrying and I’m glad you are looking out for your friend but it is technically possible that his blood sugar is playing a part here. Definitely doesn’t make it OK though and it’s up to him to get this under control immediately.

Bullshit excuse imo. Because he only does it to her , not the kids, not anyone else. And presumably only at home where no adults will witness ! Which means HE IS IN CONTROL of his actions, low blood sugar or not. It's domestic and she needs to leave for her safety

A builder of mine had a bad hypo at work. An ambulance was called but they wouldn’t treat him until the police arrived as he kept aggressively lashing out when the paramedics came near him. Otherwise a really lovely guy.

@Lilymossflower

Bullshit excuse imo. Because he only does it to her , not the kids, not anyone else. And presumably only at home where no adults will witness ! Which means HE IS IN CONTROL of his actions, low blood sugar or not. It's domestic and she needs to leave for her safety

Op has said that the physical violence has happened when the friend has tried to intervene during the hypo episode. I would assume she would get baby to safety at first sign then come back to try and help.

Low Blood sugar doesn't make you violent it makes you feel woozy and slow. He's lying and abusing her

It can happen but rare best off asking doctors and specialist rather than man hating randoms on the internet . They will have medical history and knowledge to answer the question properly and help your friend make the correct choice

If only that were true. Some health professionals understand type 1 well. Others are happy to try and get you to reduce your insulin intake, remove essential equipment from your prescription list and I know of one GP ready to treat hypos with insulin. The lack of understanding amongst generalists is very much a thing. Specialists are amazing, however.

The ignorance on here is quite something. Any other parents of a type 1 expecting their child to come home tomorrow saying their best friend is no longer allowed to play with them because they’re violent?

@samwitwicky are you a HCP or a person that is or loves with a T1 diabetic? Please read the posts on this thread.

Lives

My dad is insulin dependent and when his blood sugars are low he can become aggressive and lash out. But it doesn't come from a place of violence, he is confused and scared and can't control it. Well that's not true, he can control it by better controlling his blood sugars/insulin levels. It's only happened three times in their marriage of 22 years .

May I post this as a reminder to posters to consider their comments. No one here is condoning or minimising domestic violence but it's worth noting

The Equality Act 2010 protects people with type 1 diabetes from discrimination

FFS - some of the comments on here have honestly broken my heart, and had me in tears. Some of you are clueless; some of you also seem to be confusing T1 and T2.
Those of you who just feel sleepy and docile when in a hypo - good for us. But as T1s yourselves, I'd expect you to know better.

My story - Type 1 diabetic. Diagnosed at 7 years old, 28 years ago.

Some hypos I am more than aware of, and able to just slip a couple energy tablets in my mouth.

Some hypos happen so suddenly, I have no chance to deal with it myself.

Some hypos, I am shattered and begging those attempting to help me, to just let me close my eyes.

Some hypos, I am a perfect little angel, very submissive, and do anything my helper asks me to do. Sip my orange juice? Okay. Eat the carbs that you are passing me? Of course.

Some hypos, I get defensive.

Some hypos I have no idea who I even am, let alone who my husband, my mum, my sister or work colleague is. I don't even know how I am! Therefore, I am at my most vulnerable, and like any vulnerable person, I do not want a supposed stranger (yes, it is a family member, but I don't know that) coming at me with food. Why are you telling me what I should do? Who the hell are you? What is that in your hand? Are you trying to poison me? You're trying to kill me, aren't you? Get away from me.

Once, when I was a teenager, I did hit my own mother when she tried to help me. Only happened once, but it still happened.

Every hypo is different!

I'm sorry your friend was hurt, but everyone saying he has control over it as he bit her, and not the children - I guessing, it was his partner, and not the children, who was attempting to get close enough to him to help.

It's definitely not bull*t, and it breaks my hear that people have suggested it is.

For the record - my diabetes is considered in the excellent control band - I have a Hb1Ac of 5.8%. My sugars can still become uncontrolled through no fault of my own - there are a whole list of things that can change them on a daily basis (including the weather, so a broken leg would definitely affect it).

For those of you who supported us T1 throughout this thread, and gave accurate and sensible responses - thank you.

@TSSDNCOP I didn't know that - thank you. Some of the comments on this thread sadly show that that protection may be needed. I also remember reading a thread not here not long after my son was diagnosed, where a mum had sworn at her child during a hypo. I was shocked then by how many people really laid into her, again with zero understanding or knowledge of this nasty, nasty bloody disease

My found has some hair raising stories about her dads hypos. Most mild mannered man but completely insane and dangerous when having hypo

@CurzonDax I encountered some nurses on the ward after my son was admitted who confused T1 and T2!! We'd only had the diagnosis 3 days but even at that point I seem to know more than them ... that said, I think only 8% of diabetics are T1, and so most people's understanding of it is around the (very very very different) T2.

Thanks for sharing your experiences, btw: it's really helpful, as so far my son's hypos have seen him in the 'sleepy and falling over' camp. It's useful to know that this could vary. It helps me prepare.

@RudestLittleMadam

Tbh even if it’s “not his fault” your friend a) doesn’t have to put up with that, she’s not obligated to and b) for her own safety and that of the children she needs to not be with him. I hope she got the bite checked out?! Human bites can be nasty. I have been bitten before and needed antibiotics because of risk of infection.

Should all diabetics be single just in case they have a hypo then?

Unfortunately, everything can be stable, until suddenly it is not.

@CurzonDax I am very sorry for any upset I have caused. At the start of this thread I was very ignorant of what T1 can cause.