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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? I feel differently about my friends since my wedding?

109 replies

JackieBrown63 · 20/09/2021 12:31

Trying to keep a long story short..... :S

I don't have many friends, a LOT of acquaintances but few what I would say good/close friends. I asked my best friend since school to be my MOH and my brother's girlfriend I asked to be my bridesmaid because she's been in the family for years and I love her to bits! None of my other friends/acquaintances came to my hen do or wedding for various reasons which is fine it just upset me a little in the lead up to the wedding.

My MOH completely took over my hen do and decided she wanted to surprise me rather than do what I actually asked for and wanted. She did the same for my hen do as her own. She also uninvited my mum to the day which really bothered me because I'd promised her we would do something together during the daytime.

The day of my wedding was awful, my MOH and bridesmaid kept making fun of the dresses I'd picked for them, decorations, colours and my wedding dress. It hurt me a lot but I laughed it off at the time. My MOD told my mum I never wanted to get married I only wanted a fancy party, which is not true I married the love of my life and we had a very cheap wedding. My MOD in particular never said anything nice to me, only complained about what was wrong with the wedding decisions me and my husband made. I have hardly heard from her since. My husband and I had an incredible day - it was magical for us and everything we wanted. However, I can't help but feel different about my friendships after all this. There was a lot of other stuff that happened that I've chosen to leave out but is this normal to feel this way? I don't know how to get over this feeling.

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 20/09/2021 13:45

I don't know why you wouldn't re-invite your mum to the hen do. It's your hen do, no way should she have been laying the law down about it all. That said, it's all in the past now, so focus on the fact that you and DH loved the wedding, and be glad that you don't hear from them any more. Sounds like a win!

PermanentTemporary · 20/09/2021 13:46

Lovely dresses. The good news is that you have such great memories of the day. Focus on those and on people who are nice to you!

user1469544430 · 20/09/2021 13:47

They are bastards. It shouldn't matter what they are wearing - even if you wanted them to wear a bloody bin bag they should be there for you, and be kind to you, on your wedding day!
I feel for you as one of my bridesmaids tried her best to ruin my wedding day too. I think weddings are given too much importance in the collective imagination - and it makes some people go completely cuntish. I wish I had been more assertive with my bridesbitch but the important thing is I had a lovely time on the day and that's what you should focus on. Think of what an ashen wizened heart she must have to be a bitch to you over your lovely wedding.

annacondom · 20/09/2021 13:47

Well I'm not a big fan of yellow but I think that dress is gorgeous! They should've spoken up earlier if they didn't like them. It all sounds a bit baffling. Just focus on the magical aspects and your new life with your lovely DH, and ignore these petty women.

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 20/09/2021 13:51

The hen do was a surprise so I didn't know my mum wasn't going until I got the "destination". She came to the evening thankfully.

I didn't stand up for myself because it was my wedding day - I was more focused on marrying my husband than what they were saying. It's only now it's all over, I've had time to reflect and I can't shake this nagging feeling. I think I will just distance myself a little and see them once in a while.

OP posts:
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 20/09/2021 13:51

It all sounds a bit odd but of course it's understandable to feel differently if friends have not been very nice to you.

PrincessNutella · 20/09/2021 13:52

I think the dresses were gorgeous!!! I live in the US, where the bridesmaids have to pay for their own dresses. If I lived in the UK, I would keep my mouth shut and smile gratefully at what the bride chose for me (unless it made me look like a whale.) I seriously can't imagine why anyone would object to such lovely dresses.

FangsForTheMemory · 20/09/2021 13:54

Honestly, sometimes people are just shitty. Not wedding related but I am in the process of dropping a long term friend who was nasty to me about something I'd achieved and was very proud of. If your friends start treating you with contempt for any reason, I reckon it's time to say goodbye. Or not even bother saying goodbye.

PurpleNebula84 · 20/09/2021 13:59

I'm guessing you changed MOH to MOD to signify Maid of Dishonour 🤔🤔🤔
What a pair of awful people you ended up with as an integral part of your day.
YANBU and I wouldn't think twice of goin NC with the pair of them.
I'm glad you and your DP managed to have a lovely day in despite if them! Onwards and upwards and hopefully you will find some new friends who are real ones along the way xx

M0rT · 20/09/2021 13:59

I had a close friend be bitchy to me around my wedding, not on the day but in the lead up.
She had a lot going on in her life at the time so I have let it go, but it definitely changed the balance in our friendship.
Take some space and see how you get on meeting up the next few times, now your eyes have been opened you may find your not as invested in the friendship as you were.

GoWalkabout · 20/09/2021 14:04

Ah, people just are a bit selfish, but on your wedding day you expect them to only think of you, but actually they just carry on thinking of themselves! It's normal for bridesmaids to have mixed feelings about colour schemes and dresses but rude to say it on the day when all decided, I expect they were just nervous about how they looked. Some people wouldn't want a mix of ages at their hen and she probably couldn't compute that you did. Some culture differences here I think, but not too much malice. Congratulations.

user1471554720 · 20/09/2021 14:05

Do your MOH and bridesmaid regularly say mean things to you under the guise of having a laugh 'banter'. I think they saw you as vulnerable, with few friends there and they decided to 'put the boot in'. They knew you were depending on them and that you didn't have loads of friends around. I would never speak to them again.

In future, you would need to be a bit more assertive and cut off people who 'have a laugh' while poking fun at you. I suspect your MOH was always a bit like this, saw you as 'lower' than her and you brothers girlfriend just joined in. I suspect there is a history of your MOH making a laugh at your expense. Please just cut her off. Better to have no one than horrible people.

bringincrazyback · 20/09/2021 14:14

OP, they're not friends, they're bitches. They sound awful. You need new/better friends!

Mymapuddlington · 20/09/2021 14:27

I made the same mistake in thinking because I didn’t have many friends I had to put up with anything and everything from the ones I did have.
They’re not your friends and you’re better off without.

Djifunrsn · 20/09/2021 14:29

Chop these bitches out of your life

IReallyLikeCrows · 20/09/2021 14:34

I think that's a perfectly okay bridesmaid dress. I had to wear a sort of burgundy for a friend's wedding years ago and frankly, it looked like shit on me - fine on the other bridesmaids -but it was her wedding, her choice and she was my friend so I was happy to go along with it. It was her day, not mine. The end.

Notsandwiches · 20/09/2021 14:42

I know you call these 2 women your friends but they're really not. What they did would be more than enough for me to cut them out of my life completely. I think you really need to speak up for yourself. I can appreciate you didnt want to do so on your big day but they're awful.

DancingintheSpoonlight · 20/09/2021 14:42

I wouldn't blame you for taking a step back- thats so mean of them. If they were that bothered about the dress they should have said at the time or sucked it up, not bitched about it and made you feel like shit.

Considering BM is your brothers girlfriend...have you thought about mentioning it to her? Your friend you could approach if you wanted but ultimately could step away, but assuming you'll see BM a lot,)?

TempName01 · 20/09/2021 15:00

Was it you who posted about their bridesmaid trying to have the dress altered?

CurryLover55 · 20/09/2021 15:00

What does MOD mean?

CannaeRemember · 20/09/2021 15:02

@JackieBrown63. You say that your mum was uninvited to your hen do. Did you go along with that, or did you phone up your mum and tell her where/how to come along and join in?

YANBU to feel differently about your friends. That is not the behaviour of true friends and you're most likely better off without them in your life. As a PP said, focus on the fact that your day with your new DH was magical and build your life going forwards.

Weemo41 · 20/09/2021 15:07

!!!!!!Need advice !!!!!!! My driving licence photo card is 8 years out of date , can I just renew or is there another way of applying
Ps I was looking at the wrong date plus 3 years after passing my test it was meant to be renewed don't understand stand this as its states every 10 years to renew please help am stressing about it xx

Boilingicicle · 20/09/2021 15:09

I’m really sorry these mean women spoiled your day. I’m wondering if they were/are jealous. Friends are there to celebrate the good times with one another and support each other through the bad . This is not the behaviour of good friends. I wouldn’t blame you one bit for ending the friendship over their shitty antics. I agree when it comes to the BM could you tell her how upset you were and see what she says. As she’s your DBs girlfriend presumably you will need to see her again I’m guessing.

Original poster
JackieBrown63 · 20/09/2021 15:11

TempName01 - yes she tried to get her bridesmaid dress altered. I was happy to come to a middle-ground with her but she ended up having to self isolate before the wedding anyway so we couldn't get it done.

haha MOD was a type whoops!

CannaeRemember - I think I mentioned in a previous comment that I didn't know my mum wasn't invited. The venue was too far away for her to get there in time as my MOH had planned an afternoon tea for us two in a country house. This upset my mum too because she really wanted to go.

OP posts:
coffeeisthebest · 20/09/2021 15:13

Those dresses are beautiful. I also think that these women decided they could be nasty to you and laugh at your expense. If it makes you feel any better, one of my bridesmaids missed my wedding completely. She was so wrapped up in herself that she missed the ceremony and only came for the reception. I have stayed 'friends' with her for years and only just realised she just isn't very nice. As painful as it is, it is better to understand how people are relating to you. I wish you all the best for your marriage.