Parents insisting my DS mask?

[L0stinCyberspace]

My parents can be very neurotic and are suddenly insisting DS (13) wears a mask when visiting them with us. He is doubly vaccinated and wears a mask in school (Ireland). I pointed out yesterday to my irate Father that he took train across the country recently, they use buses and taxis, my DH is in work, and my son is no likelier to carry Covid than they do.
They've been watching the jump in primary school children being sent home when one child tests positive, and are obsessing about this.
Yesterday I told my son not to mask and my Father was furious and left the room (which had an open window and we were all sitting at a long distance from each other) in a rage. AIBU?

@LukeEvansWife

Yes. It is and always has been.

For example, in medicine one set of symptoms might "mask" something else if a diagnosis is possibly open to question.

What about a masked ball? Those who go to the ball are "masked."

Now during the pandemic people have often been masked.

What pathetic point are you trying to make?

Wow - ‘pathetic point’?

Of course I know it’s a verb in that context. But i only hear people say ‘wear a mask’ not ‘mask’ meaning to put one on.

Are you always this aggressive?

Yeah, you’re right - this is a new usage of the verb ‘to mask’, intransitively.

English is very accepting of this kind of shift in usage. Often, we don’t even notice that something new has happened - as might be demonstrated by the unnecessarily bolshie reply you got.

@NotMaryWhitehouse

Ah. I read your updates. Your father sound, I'm sorry to say, like a bit of a twat. Now I also feel sorry for your mum, and you!

Thanks @NotMaryWhitehouse

My DM is so complicit in all this too. DF has given her a horrible life but she never stood up for me as a child. This time, I'm as annoyed with her as with him.

@LukeEvansWife

Yes. It is and always has been.

For example, in medicine one set of symptoms might "mask" something else if a diagnosis is possibly open to question.

What about a masked ball? Those who go to the ball are "masked."

Now during the pandemic people have often been masked.

What pathetic point are you trying to make?

Wow - ‘pathetic point’?

Of course I know it’s a verb in that context. But i only hear people say ‘wear a mask’ not ‘mask’ meaning to put one on.

Are you always this aggressive?

Yes, I am very aggressive and I have long fangs. 🙄

Round here people often talked about being masked to go into shops. Thankfully a thing of the past - for now. It's a verb when you want it to be.

Yes, I am very aggressive and I have long fangs

What are you talking about? Seriously, it’s really not worth getting so angry

Follow your gut OP, I think you know what to do. I don’t know your Dad but I do know bullies and they don’t back off when they see a vulnerable target.

Thats fair @L0stinCyberspace , I can imagine you feel a lot of resentment towards her.

I genuinely cannot understand OP, why people like you who were clearly abused by your parents offer up your children to these people?

I really can't.

Your father is a nasty abusive thug who has been now given the opportunity to bully a 13 year old.

I mean it kindly, but step the hell up and don't allow this.

Explain the awful truth to your children if you have to.

Your father is not a good man and you are staying the hell away.

This is so damaging to your son.

Step far away from these awful people that would treat your poor child like this.

@billy1966

I genuinely cannot understand OP, why people like you who were clearly abused by your parents offer up your children to these people?

I really can't.

Your father is a nasty abusive thug who has been now given the opportunity to bully a 13 year old.

I mean it kindly, but step the hell up and don't allow this.

Explain the awful truth to your children if you have to.

Your father is not a good man and you are staying the hell away.

This is so damaging to your son.

Step far away from these awful people that would treat your poor child like this.

It sounds illogical to a person who hasn't grown up with abusive parents.

As illogical as women who stay with abusers.

"Step far away" sounds easily done if you haven't ties of obligation and concern. I'm not offering my son up to my Father at all - I took him on, challenged him, and sent him a message (after he'd tried to manipulate the situation in a nasty follow up message to me) to calmly explain why his actions were unfair on my DS and not something I was going to tolerate.

DS will have no time alone with my parents from now on. I have told DS some of what went on for me.

Your message certainly does not come across as "kindly" but rather shaming. I've been through hell in my upbringing in a way that scuppered my career early on due to the impact of my Father. Count yourself very lucky that you don't understand.

I get it @L0stinCyberspace

When I had my own children, I wanted them to have the calm and happy family life that I didn't. My abusive parent managed to put an entirely different face on for short periods in front of other people, and lived a distance away, so our contact with her was infrequent, brief, and always under our control. I knew she'd behave because she wanted my DH to like her. So my DDs knew nothing of who she could be, and even my late DH didn't know most of it. My DDs had happy times there as they grew up, and were fond of their GM

My DB spilled the beans to one of my DDs when she was a young adult (he didn't know it was something that I'd locked away) and she was really shocked. Now both of my DDs know more than even my DH did, but they're old enough to process it and talk with me about it. And they understand the effect my mum's behaviour had/has on me and are a great and calm support.

It will be harder for you as obviously your father lives more locally, so you can't protect you DS in the same way. But well done for sticking up for DS and challenging your dad. I know it's really hard.

Thank you so much @saraclara you do indeed get it. My Father is similar...able to pretend to be nice for short periods and I've always carefully managed DSs exposure to him. Only in the last year is he seeing that his GF has a horrible side to him.

I honestly have no wish to shame you at all, but I must admit that that it is hard to understand when parents are so dreadful that the were violently abusive to someone, to the extent you write, that you would want them to be a part of your childrens life at all.

Well done for standing up for your son, but I do think stepping away would be better all round.

This is not a kind, decent man, who will add value to your son's life.

He can't care a whit about him to behave in such a nasty, humiliating way to a child.

So your father by his behaviour is carrying his abuse on to the next generation.

You don't sound like you want that, so what is the point of him in your life, or your mother who aids him?

Try fading them out as much as possible. Low contact can be very successful.

I'm so sorry this man had such power over you as to ruin your your career early on.

I do really sympathise.

I think you are doing very well standing up for your DS now and starting to protect him in a way that nobody protected you when you were his age.

Stay strong. Keep protecting him (I'm sure you will anyway).

I'd agree with others that low contact is probably the best way to be going forward. If your parents ask at some point in the future why they are hardly seeing you or DS then that might be your cue to tell them bluntly.