Parents insisting my DS mask?

[L0stinCyberspace]

My parents can be very neurotic and are suddenly insisting DS (13) wears a mask when visiting them with us. He is doubly vaccinated and wears a mask in school (Ireland). I pointed out yesterday to my irate Father that he took train across the country recently, they use buses and taxis, my DH is in work, and my son is no likelier to carry Covid than they do.
They've been watching the jump in primary school children being sent home when one child tests positive, and are obsessing about this.
Yesterday I told my son not to mask and my Father was furious and left the room (which had an open window and we were all sitting at a long distance from each other) in a rage. AIBU?

A lot of posters seem to be missing that OP’s DS is double vaccinated. He is no more of a threat to his grandparents than anyone else, and the others are not being asked to mask. This goes beyond fear into, frankly, stupidity.

@RobinPenguins

A lot of posters seem to be missing that OP’s DS is double vaccinated. He is no more of a threat to his grandparents than anyone else, and the others are not being asked to mask. This goes beyond fear into, frankly, stupidity.

Completely irrelevant. It is the father's house and he can Insist on masks if he wants to. The OP/her DS can decide not to go if they don't want to DP wear one.

Stop going there.

Annoyed at myself for missing that he’s double vaccinated when it’s in the OP . Yeah I just wouldn’t go. If he’s especially worried, then makes sense for him to ask everyone to wear a mask, not just the DS.

Of course they can decide not to go, and they should decide not to go because it might make her father realise more quickly that he’s being a moron.

Vaccination status is completely relevant here because it means they’re singling her DS out for no good reason whatsoever.

@Goldbar

There ought to be one rule for everyone.

If your DS wears a mask, everyone wears a mask.

Why should your DS (who presumably hasn't been vaccinated) mask up to protect your parents while your parents (who presumably have been vaccinated and are doing things and socialising out of the house) don't wear marks and are allowed to potentially infect your DS at will?

Op state that her Ds has been vaccinated. Shes in Ireland where all over 12's can get the vaccine.

@L0stinCyberspace I just wouldn't bother visiting them for a while.

Being fully vaccinated reduces the risk of transmission, but going daily to school, which is a known hotbed of infection does increase your chances of picking up Covid and then transmitting it to someone else compared to a vaccinated person that is not going to high infection areas M-F, ie a person working from home. Vaccination doesn’t stop transmission.

So the the DS does present added risk by being a school child even vaccinated.

@shinynewapple21

I think it's fair enough if your father is anxious and he wants you all to wear masks, but not to single out your DS. It would be quite likely that if your DS has it he would pass on to you, even if you are vaccinated. He would get more protection if he wore a mask himself too. So apart from his reaction being upsetting, it's also not logical .

Agree with the poster suggesting your DS does LFT before visiting .

This ^.

I would say to your DF that he really needs to choose between everyone wearing masks and eating in the garden (the most safe situation from a Covid perspective) OR no-one wearing masks and eating wherever they choose. It's not fair for your DS to be singled out.

@PlanDeRaccordement

Being fully vaccinated reduces the risk of transmission, but going daily to school, which is a known hotbed of infection does increase your chances of picking up Covid and then transmitting it to someone else compared to a vaccinated person that is not going to high infection areas M-F, ie a person working from home. Vaccination doesn’t stop transmission.

So the the DS does present added risk by being a school child even vaccinated.

I agree with this too ^ but I think that the most logical solution would be for everyone in the house to wear masks and eat in the garden.

Sorry, missed that your DS is vaccinated.

Still think same rule for everyone. If your parents are going out places, they still pose a risk to you and your DS. If you wear masks to protect them, they should return the courtesy.

@KT727
Yes, I also think the whole family should mask up if the DF is concerned. Garden ok, weather permitting.

They sound crazed and I’d just stop visiting.

I'm no expert but my training as a carer has highlighted the risk of dementia in later life due to restricting oxygen to the brain. All of our organs need oxygen. We excrete co2 for a reason. To excrete it into a mask only to inhale it again can't be a good thing, especially for a young developing body.

My parents are visiting today. DD is absolutely the biggest risk to them at the moment as DH and I haven’t been anywhere around lots of people and she is at high school every day. They have just taken a very rare trip to see an old friend for a really special occasion and potentially put themselves at a bit more risk than usual, but if they asked DD to mask whilst they were here, I’d respect that. The last thing I would want is DD thinking she gave them Covid.

To excrete it into a mask only to inhale it again can't be a good thing, especially for a young developing body.

This has been debunked so many times. If this were anywhere near an issue, why do you think surgeons who wear masks in surgery for hours on end aren’t all collapsing from hypoxia?

I’m no expert

You said it.

It is the father's house and he can Insist on masks if he wants to

But it's the father that needs to enforce it, so the OP can say whatever she wants to the son on if he should wear the mask or not, and then the father can decide how he enforces his rule.

What is completely out of order is an adult deciding on a rule, and then demanding others police it for him, as everyone seems obsessed with saying "his house, his rule", if it's his rule, he needs to enforce it, don't enforce rules you disagree with just 'cos you're in someone else's house.

Your parents' house, their rules.

I was invited to a work leaving do which was a daytime garden party; originally partners and children were invited but the hosts then decided that no unvaccinated children could come.
The hosts (who are not the person leaving, and who have invited children and partners to work events at their house in the past) were not going to check adults' vaccination passes nor were they in the slightest bit interested in the fact that a primary age child is about 10% as likely as a vaccinated adult to pass on COVID.
My DS has SEN and it was a long way to the party so I'd arranged to just take my (very well behaved) DD as DH wasn't happy being referee all day for the both of them.

I am fed up with victimisation of children who cannot take the precautions that adults might take, are lower risks to the adults than other adults, but are treated as pariahs.

My Father has form for being very controlling and bullying. DM never challenges him and is obedient to his every whim and demand.

When DS went for the meal we weren't there, as my parents said they "wanted to spend time with him b4 he went back to school" but DS was very hurt at being asked to eat separately from them. I raised it with DM but she was as delightfully vague as always. "Oh that's awful he feels that way..." "Hmm, I can't remember WHY your Father didn't want to each lunch outside..."

@TheGrumpyGoat we are all vaccinated, including DS.

@WeAllHaveWings because of the history of my DFs bullying towards me I suppose I didn't react in the most measured way, but I was horrified he was insisting DS was some kind of Typhoid Mary when he's out on trains buses and taxis.

My DH suggested "right, why don't we all sit outside so?" last night to my DF, but DF said furiously "because we're not going to".

13 year olds are double vaccinated in Ireland? Wow.

I wouldn’t put up with my son being singled out either. Making him eat in another room is absolutely awful. I agree that either everyone wears masks, your parents included, and you eat outside or no one wears one and you all eat inside together. If that wasn’t agreed on, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be visiting them.

YABU and selfish. If your parents are that concerned about the risk (and they have every right to be) all visitors should wear a mask if requested. I can't believe you're even questioning them.

@TowandaForever

13 year olds are double vaccinated in Ireland? Wow.

Yes!

I suppose that is my point. If my parents ARE that concerned about the risk ALL visitors should be asked to mask - except they're not asking all, just my DS - who is doubly vaccinated and in school where mask-wearing is mandatory is secondary Ed!