Parents insisting my DS mask?

[L0stinCyberspace]

My parents can be very neurotic and are suddenly insisting DS (13) wears a mask when visiting them with us. He is doubly vaccinated and wears a mask in school (Ireland). I pointed out yesterday to my irate Father that he took train across the country recently, they use buses and taxis, my DH is in work, and my son is no likelier to carry Covid than they do.
They've been watching the jump in primary school children being sent home when one child tests positive, and are obsessing about this.
Yesterday I told my son not to mask and my Father was furious and left the room (which had an open window and we were all sitting at a long distance from each other) in a rage. AIBU?

I would have insisted that HE wore a mask too tbh.

And I would have left when he asked your ds to eat in a different room.

Yes his house, his rules.
It doesn’t mean you have to let your ds be bullied that way.
Not does it mean you have to accept anything they say.
You can also tell him:

‘Of course dad. I can see you think ds is a danger to you. However, the way you single him out like this doesn’t work for us. Either he is part of your meal/treated the same as everyone else or I’m afraid we will have to leave’.

No point coming to vent in MN but let him treat your ds that way.

Wait it's ONLY your son he says has to wear one? The rest of you aren't? I wouldn't tolerate this either the silly sod. Yeh his house he gets to say but I wouldn't be going there until this particular anxiety was managed in him.

[quote L0stinCyberspace]@MajorCarolDanvers no, they are just singling out DS fora mask!

They invited him for lunch b4 school started up, but then made him eat his meal in a separate room. They could have eaten outside as I bought them a sturdy garden set, but Father "didn't want to". [/quote]
Making him eat his meal in a separate room is over the line.

I understand that his GF is scared, and the amount of stuff in the news about teens being the most affected at the moment (here, anyway) is probably worrying them. But treating their grandson like a leper to that extent is entirely unacceptable.

I would give your son permission to stay home when/if the rest of you visit.

It is his house so you should abide by his rules however much you disagree with them.

If someone is disagreeing so much with said rules, they can still decide to leave the house and refuse to follow said rules.
Nothing is saying that the OP has to stay in that house and see her ds treated that way. I wouldn’t accept that.

Then Up to him to decide of their fear if Covid (despite taking buses, trains and whatnot) is so strong that they are happy to forgo seeing their daughter and grandson.

I wouldn't bother visiting. They made him eat in a different room?!

Why not try to keep the peace, even though their request is ridiculous and say to them you’ll keep your distance for a while, until cases settle down, or your parents feel more comfortable?
If you do go to them, ask that EVERYONE wears a mask, as anyone could be infected without knowing and that you don’t stay for long enough to have a meal.
With these actions, you’re meeting their requirements, but they are inconvenienced/taking precautions too, so they can decide whether to continue with the mask rule or not.

@Mermaidpool

If its his house then his rules, yes I think it's daft though. I would be declining to visit until numbers are lower 'for df safety'

This.

I wouldn't subject a 13 year old to this.

I’m very careful and wary, over the top to friends and family in fact, but I would never ever single anyone out. I did however ask the nurse could we both mask when she came to do a check in my newborn a few weeks ago. I wouldn’t even expect her to mask and not me. He should not have made your son eat in another room he should have gone to the garden. He is not being careful, he is being cruel and that means a lot from me who is terrified(also in an at risk group although have my vaccinations.) to be honest I would be saying to him how cruel it is and to get a grip. I’d leave it to your son what he wants to do as you can’t really dictate in someone else’s home but you don’t have to visit either!!!

I think to much fear has been used by the media in this pandemic.

I think it's fair enough if your father is anxious and he wants you all to wear masks, but not to single out your DS. It would be quite likely that if your DS has it he would pass on to you, even if you are vaccinated. He would get more protection if he wore a mask himself too. So apart from his reaction being upsetting, it's also not logical .

Agree with the poster suggesting your DS does LFT before visiting .

Your Dad is being utterly unreasonable. Ruling that only DS must wear a mask and that he (DS) must eat in a separate room, excluded from the rest of the family is bullying.

Tell your Dad bluntly that if he cannot treat his grandson fairly and not like a leper then none of you will be visiting at all. Show your DS clearly that you have his back here. Poor boy.

Yes, it is your parents' house so their rules. That doesn't mean at all though that you have to accept utterly unreasonable behaviour that results in your DS being segregated and bullied.

Call them out on their bullshit, especially your Dad. If he won't back down then you leave with DS and you don't visit again until they are ready to be reasonable. However long that takes (hours, days, weeks, months ..... ).

Seems illogical but sounds like they are scared. I would mask along with DS so would dh. And windows open etc too.

Stop taking him round
FFS if they want to treat him this way they don't get to see him

Ultimately, yes, their home, their rules, but I absolutely wouldn’t tolerate my son being treated this way and being separated from everyone else like some sort of disease ridden danger to society. How sad for the poor chap. Nope, I’d be staying well away until they came to their senses.

@LukeEvansWife

Is ‘to mask’ a verb now?

Always has been.

@L0stinCyberspace

no, they are just singling out DS fora mask!

They invited him for lunch b4 school started up, but then made him eat his meal in a separate room. They could have eaten outside as I bought them a sturdy garden set, but Father "didn't want to". angry

That is beyond appalling. Just awful. You can't put your DS through that again. They need to stop this or you don't take DS to visit.

Appalling for them to single him out that way. I wouldn’t be visiting until they get over this ludicrous delusion.

How awful.

I wouldn't be visiting tbh. Ds certainly wouldn't.

It would make sense if they asked everyone to mask up. Slightly paranoid but would make sense. Awful to just pick on one person though.

I think there is a huge amount of fear at present. Definitely a case of his house his rules but I would be aiming to meet outside if he’s not comfortable with indoors or if DS has been asked to wear a mask, agreeing on the basis that everyone including your DF wear masks to meet indoors, it’s illogical to just ask your son to wear one as you’re just as likely to be carrying it.

Well done for standing up for your DS. If they’re wearing masks and asking all visitors to do so, that would be one thing, but clearly what is happening is clearly very different.

It sounds like your parents are feeling scared/neurotic and are instinctively bullying the ‘weakest member of the group’ to make themselves feel more in control. Asking the child to eat separately and wear a mask when no one else has to will have a nasty psychological effect on your son. Best case scenario your son will just realise that his granddad is a dick. Worst case scenario your son absorbs their neurotic thinking, feels scared / tainted himself and suffers his own psychological problems caused by this family bullying.

In the interests of protecting your son’s mental health I would probably refuse to visit until your parents are calmer and able to act rationally.

There ought to be one rule for everyone.

If your DS wears a mask, everyone wears a mask.

Why should your DS (who presumably hasn't been vaccinated) mask up to protect your parents while your parents (who presumably have been vaccinated and are doing things and socialising out of the house) don't wear marks and are allowed to potentially infect your DS at will?

You know your dad better than anyone. Is he genuinely concerned or just being nasty and controlling towards your ds.

Throughout the pandemic I have always tried to be understanding of anyone who is more risk adverse than me, and I expect the same consideration from those less risk adverse than me. If your dad is genuinely concerned you should listen, it is no big deal for your ds to wear a mask, you can wear one too if it supports your ds. Telling your ds not to wear one in your dads home is a disrepectful, confrontational and childish way to deal with the issue.

I’d ask him to wear a mask too, to protect my unvaccinated children. If he’s not willing to and it’s just your DS being considered a disease vector, then I just wouldn’t visit.

Is your son bothered about this or just you? Do you often "butt heads" with your dad? I would give son the choice of wearing a mask, or not visiting until things settle down. It's up to his GP's what risks they feel safe with in their own home. Your son is old enough to understand and consider their feelings. They obviously still want to see him. Let them come to an agreement between them and butt out.