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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents insisting my DS mask?

137 replies

L0stinCyberspace · 20/09/2021 08:32

My parents can be very neurotic and are suddenly insisting DS (13) wears a mask when visiting them with us. He is doubly vaccinated and wears a mask in school (Ireland). I pointed out yesterday to my irate Father that he took train across the country recently, they use buses and taxis, my DH is in work, and my son is no likelier to carry Covid than they do.
They've been watching the jump in primary school children being sent home when one child tests positive, and are obsessing about this.
Yesterday I told my son not to mask and my Father was furious and left the room (which had an open window and we were all sitting at a long distance from each other) in a rage. AIBU?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 20/09/2021 11:18

they're being ridiculous but he's 13 and should be allowed to decide if he wants to go there or not.

Fimat · 20/09/2021 11:19

I presume your Ds is in secondary school. I think you need to point out that over 90 percent of over 12s have received at least one dose so secondary schools are not the same as primary schools and therefore there no reason why your Ds should be treated any differently.
Seems mean to me to treat him differently to any other member of the household especially as you say they are out and about and taking public transport etc

Underpaidsnackbitch · 20/09/2021 11:20

If your DF is a bully then don't allow your DS to visit him without your or his dad?
The mask thing is ridiculous. If one wears a mask then all should and be outside as much as possible if they are worried.

drspouse · 20/09/2021 11:20

My parents are visiting today. DD is absolutely the biggest risk to them at the moment as DH and I haven’t been anywhere around lots of people and she is at high school every day.

Children don't pass it on as much as adults so you may well be wrong about that.

drspouse · 20/09/2021 11:25

Children don't pass it on as much as adults so you may well be wrong about that.

(And that's the general population - so all children are in school and most adults have been WFH - it's a biological thing, not because of exposure).

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 20/09/2021 11:47

They are scared. This comes from a place of fear. Some of us see this in the way wee see flu ( albeit more deadly for some). Some of us see this for the deadly destructive beast that it is. It’s not harmful for your son to wear a mask in the grand scheme of things, is it?

TintinIsBack · 20/09/2021 11:48

because of the history of my DFs bullying towards me I suppose I didn't react in the most measured way

Well two things there

1- I think you have been very measured in your answer. You established boundaries, YOUR boundaries and clearly he didn't like it (No bully ever likes that!)

2- Why are you still going to see them? Tbh seeing that there seems to be a long history there, I would avoid sending your dc on their own. I would also reduce contact.... It's not healthy neither for you, nor for your dc to put yourself in the hands of a bully again and again.

3- If you do chose to carry on seeing them regularly ish and start putting boundaries in place (eg about masks and eating together), then be prepare for many more outbursts that will leave you feeling you have done something wrong. I've just done that with my mum. She isn't a bully but even she didn't appreciate boundaries to be set clearly...

TintinIsBack · 20/09/2021 11:48

Actually it should be 3 things lol

Original poster
L0stinCyberspace · 20/09/2021 11:55

@ThanksIGotItInMorrisons no, agreed there's no problem with him wearing a mask. It's the seeing him as some kind of contagion that I have the issue with- despite him being doubly vaccinated and wearing masks at school. If he was in primary where there's no vaccination or masking I'd absolutely see my DPs POV.

@TintinIsBack thanks re 1. 2 - I'm dutiful and also love to see DS with his GP's. I dreaded the day when my DF might start going for DS the way he did for me as a young teen. I suppose this is the beginning. Will reduce contact and not let DS go alone anymore. 3. Outbursts have been my life. I'm constantly attacked by DF.

OP posts:
TheHoundsofLove · 20/09/2021 12:07

If they're scared, then surely the only reasonable way for them to approach it is to say "with cases on the rise we're a bit anxious, do you mind if we all wear masks and eat outside?" Then, no one has to feel singled out. I wouldn't be ok with anyone making 1 child wear a mask and eat their meal in a different room.

FlorenceWintle · 20/09/2021 12:23

Sounds like this mask issue is the latest in a long line of bullying and controlling behaviour by your father.

I would use this as an excuse to start distancing yourself a bit. Remember how he made you feel as a teen, and still does. Don’t expose your precious DS to feeling like that.

FlorenceWintle · 20/09/2021 12:24

They are scared. This comes from a place of fear.

Normally I’d agree with this but in this case, there seems to be a large dose of the need to control thrown in.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 20/09/2021 12:28

They are quite clearly bonkers. They can insist all they like, but as a parent I would me making it clear that if they put those restrictions on a child, he won't be visiting.

Goldbar · 20/09/2021 12:30

I just think it's bloody rude that they weren't wearing masks but wanted your DS to wear one!

In your shoes, I would have been much more understanding if they'd said "We're still being cautious of Covid, so do you mind if we all wear masks to protect each other?" No singling out of your DS required.

KingsleyShacklebolt · 20/09/2021 12:33

41% of posters think it's perfectly OK for a 13 year old child to be excluded and treated like a leper?

Jesus wept.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/09/2021 12:33

Wasn’t sure how to vote! It’s obviously up to them what they’re comfortable with, but I wouldn’t visit if they wanted this. No reason to ask this if your Ds and not you.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/09/2021 12:34

In your shoes, I would have been much more understanding if they'd said "We're still being cautious of Covid, so do you mind if we all wear masks to protect each other?" No singling out of your DS required.

^^
This

VenusTiger · 20/09/2021 12:45

What a depressing state of affairs.
A jabbed CHILD.
For the love of God.
I'm DONE!

TintinIsBack · 20/09/2021 12:46

@KingsleyShacklebolt

41% of posters think it's perfectly OK for a 13 year old child to be excluded and treated like a leper?

Jesus wept.

Yes it seems many people didn't go futrther than 'your house, your rules'...

MN is weird

Hardybloodyhar · 20/09/2021 12:53

YANBU. I would NC my parents if they treated my child like that.
Don't go there or have anything to do with them.

readytoretire · 20/09/2021 12:56

I think "treated like a leper" is a bit extreme! I do worry more about my dd having contact with her gps than me or my dh as dd is mixing much more at school and socially. My dm was extremely poorly in summer with covid (hospital) despite being double vaccinated so am even more cautious now.

saraclara · 20/09/2021 13:01

@readytoretire

I think "treated like a leper" is a bit extreme! I do worry more about my dd having contact with her gps than me or my dh as dd is mixing much more at school and socially. My dm was extremely poorly in summer with covid (hospital) despite being double vaccinated so am even more cautious now.
Being made to eat alone in a separate room, is treating him like a leper. The lad is double vaccinated and everyone wears a mask in his school.

He is no more risk to his GF than anyone GF mixes with on the train or the bus when he's out and about without a care (apparently). So there's something more personal going on here, and OP's son needs protecting from it.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 20/09/2021 13:03

They're kind of bullying him. It would be completely unacceptable to be singling an older person out insisting they wear a mask and eat alone.

I wouldn't visit again until they drop this issue with your son.

goldshade · 20/09/2021 13:07

Is your Dad wearing a mask when he's with your son?

Hardybloodyhar · 20/09/2021 13:11

It's emotional abuse and bullying.

OP, is your father often like this? We're you ok growing up with him?

This is not normal. Normal people do not treat their innocent GC as a threat.

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