@Porcupineintherough
I wouldnt give her my passport but neither would I work it up into some huge, personal affront. It's clear you dont like her and resent going on this holiday. Are you going to pounce on everything that isnt how youd want it and create drama?
Resentful or not she's still going on the holiday, though, isn't she? I'd say that was magnanimous of her given the circumstances. And that's the thing with controlling personalities: when you don't go along with what they want,
they create the 'drama'.
I'd personally be letting them create it in an empty room. The last thing people like this need is to be surrounded by enablers: makes them worse than ever.
OP, stick to your guns as far as the passport issue is concerned and I'd be working out some clear plans with your DH as to time/meals/trips you want to spend by yourselves as a couple, as well as coming together with the group when civility/major plans require it. I would not want every single moment of every day of my holiday regimented, and that's what I suspect you'll come up against if you don't firmly circumvent it from the start.
Speaking of your DP, you wrote:
I think she’ll want to run the show - DP thinks I’m over reacting.
Does that mean he intends meekly to hand over his passport like a good, compliant enabler? I'd be asking him that question. I'd also not do any beating about the bush about what a turn-off I'd find it if the answer was 'yes'.
Good luck!