To tell you that the ick does not exist

[Theickdoesnotexist]

You might have fallen out of love with someone you’ve been with ages.

Or gone off sex because you’re peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired.

Or gone off someone you’re dating

Or changed your mind

All these are fine

But the ICK - why is this being banded about like it’s an established Thing?

[AllySmelly]

It's definitely real... I got it four years ago and it's one of the reasons we are getting divorced. No matter what I tried I just couldn't sleep with him any mire 😞

[3luckystars]

So how would the ick believers feel if their partners or husbands ended their relationships on the basis he had the ick ?

I don’t think it happens to men.

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

@Northernparent68

So how would the ick believers feel if their partners or husbands ended their relationships on the basis he had the ick ?

I'd be gutted
Same as I would be if he ended it for any other reason. Or no reason.

[liveforsummer]

Ooh it does. Seems you've just never experienced. It ick is not akin falling out of love, it's sudden and visceral. You might never experience but it definitely exists to those who have. Tbf you can't really state as fact others haven't had a certain feeling just because you haven't. That's a bit strange. Ick is just a word ascribed to the feeling

[GoodnightGrandma]

The ick does exist, people can call it whatever they want.

[liveforsummer]

Ooh it does. Seems you've just never experienced. It ick is not akin falling out of love, it's sudden and visceral. You might never experience but it definitely exists to those who have. Tbf you can't really state as fact others haven't had a certain feeling just because you haven't. That's a bit strange. Ick is just a word ascribed to the feeling. It's not just something you don't like. You might tolerate noisy eating perfectly well in someone else it's the reaction to this certain persons noisy eating that's different.

[liveforsummer]

Excuse multiple posts mn claimed it hadn't posted

[tintodeverano2]

@Theickdoesnotexist

The ick is apparently

“ "The ick" was first coined by Ally in TV show Ally McBeal, and, as dating expert Hayley Quinn explains, "It's a dating term that means you get a sudden cringe feeling when you have romantic contact with someone: and become almost immediately put off by them." You might feel suddenly repulsed, put off or cringed out by the person you're dating - that's "the ick" talking.”

What I’m saying is that someone saying ‘we have been married twenty years, have three young children and he does nothing. I have the ick.’

That’s not the ick that’s a lazy bastard husband.

Or it might be (if a nice husband) the menopause or whatever.

It’s not a phrase that belongs with marriages and long term partnerships with kids and it’s weird the way it’s being used as if it is.

But just because it hasn't happened to you, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

My ex I was with for about 10 years when suddenly he started to repulse me. The thought of him kissing me or touching me made me feel sick. He hadn't changed, but I was no longer "love-blind" to his quirks and bad habits. I just couldn't stand being with or near him.

[liveforsummer]

What I’m saying is that someone saying ‘we have been married twenty years, have three young children and he does nothing. I have the ick.’

That’s not the ick that’s a lazy bastard husband.


Yea you're right that's not the ick. No one is claiming it is. That is indeed going off a lazy bastard husband because he's a lazy bastard and deserves to be gone off. The ick would be going off the husband who does absolutely everything he can for no logical reason and that every day things you might have previously adored suddenly really grate on you at an uncontrollable level.

[GoodnightGrandma]

I suppose the ick is repulsion.
You now don’t want them to touch you, kiss you or shag you. You just wish they’d piss off out of your life.

[liveforsummer]

@GoodnightGrandma

I suppose the ick is repulsion.
You now don’t want them to touch you, kiss you or shag you. You just wish they’d piss off out of your life.

And there's no coming back from it. A shit husband that does nothing can be remedied by seeing the error of their ways and becoming helpful. Couples can work through specific problems. There is no working through the ick it can never be solved.

[PugInTheHouse]

I don't think 'the ick' can be defined as one thing though, for instance someone mentioned hairy nostrils, I don't think that comes under 'the ick', its more that you were fine with it but then notice it on a particular person at a particular moment and thats it, its all over!

[TheFoundations]

@PugInTheHouse

I don't think 'the ick' can be defined as one thing though, for instance someone mentioned hairy nostrils, I don't think that comes under 'the ick', its more that you were fine with it but then notice it on a particular person at a particular moment and thats it, its all over!

Love can't be defined as one thing either. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just means that conceptually, we all get the idea when somebody says the word.

[SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge]

Yeah the ICK is very real, I think it has something to do with disgust and sexual attraction getting mixed up. But disgust is such a powerful base emotion it’s unmistakable and very hard to shake. That’s why you can’t talk yourself out of it.

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

I don't like the term but it's not for you to say it doesn't exist just because you might not have experienced it and YABU to start a thread about it.

[traintraveller]

The word annoys me and I've never heard of it outside mumsnet. Apparently only women get it because if a man displays symptoms its because he's shagging someone else. In fact even if he's not displaying symptoms he's shagging someone else

[TurquoiseDragon]

In the same way that you can get instant attraction to someone you've known for a while but wasn't previously attracted to, you can have the opposite, and that's the ICK. The Ick is sudden revulsion, generally for something you either previously liked or hadn't noticed.

It's a real thing. Just because you don't like the word, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

[BunnytheFriendlyDragon]

I first heard of it on love island and assumed it originated in there but I don't know whether that's true.

[Needthesun]

@MadamMalkin

For me, the ick is when someone touches you, or tries to be affectionate or kiss you, and for whatever reason, it makes you feel literally icky/cringey. Like you want to pull away from them. I've always felt it as a physical thing, a moment of "eugh no, get away", as a reaction to whatever they've done that was a turn off.

This.

For me the ick was a physical manifestation of the realisation that I was no longer happy in the relationship. I was young, kept hanging on with a nice enough guy but my gut was clearly screaming at me for ages before I literally couldn’t even kiss him without feeling revolted.

I didn’t end that 3-yr relationship because of the ick, I got the ick because I hung in there at least a year too long.

[HereForThis]

@traintraveller

The word annoys me and I've never heard of it outside mumsnet. Apparently only women get it because if a man displays symptoms its because he's shagging someone else. In fact even if he's not displaying symptoms he's shagging someone else

See I agree with this too and this is my reason for my first comment on this thread. Even someone upthread said men can't get it and I couldn't roll my eyes any far back. It's just typical. Of course, they can't because women won't accept they can or allow them to. It seems only women are allowed to go off someone or feel something other than adoration for their partners. If a man mentions he's got 'the ick', he'll be called all sorts here. 'Misogynist' is one of them, because a man can't dislike one woman without being accused of hating all women.

Obviously, men can get it - it isn't a 'female problem. They're humans too. They probably haven't named it 'the ick'.

Also, I believe it's why some men start acting weird or decide to leave their partner/wife.

'The ick' definitely exists. I've felt it with exH.

[Tal45]

Imagine you had sex with a man. Then he gets out his penis beaker.
Now you know the ick.
God damn it I loved Ally McBeal.

[CandyLeBonBon]

Men do get the ick. My dp said he got the ick with a previous gf.

His ick-symptoms were the same that I've had when I've got the ick.

Sudden, unexpected, unexplainable/irrational and like a bucket of water had been thrown over your libido.

Personally I think the ick is something that applies more in the early stages of a new relationship.

I don't think it is as applicable for long term relationships because the ick is (IMO) inexplicable and relationship breakdowns have a root cause that can be rationalised (pregnancy not withstand, which can give you the temporary ick).

[Sandinmyknickers]

@Theickdoesnotexist

That’s not the ick, *@MumofPsuedoAdult*

That’s a perfectly good reason to not want to continue to see that person. Bad manners and disgusting.

Actual words. Aren’t they marvellous

Why so snarky?

It's a shorthand way of describing a specific feeling. That's what pretty much all adjectives or other ways of describing feelings are. Enough people empathise with the term for it to be understood the feeling that is being conveyed. A sudden and irrational turn off that previously wasn't an issue. You may not empathise with it or have felt it yourself, but you know that is what it means.

Do you also get annoyed at the use of other words to describe complex feelings beyond the basic emotional states? Or should everyone only use 'happy', 'sad' 'angry' and then just elaborate from there?

Language evolves all the time and there are some feelings we don't have a simple word for, such as schadenfreude, hence why we use the German one rather than say the feeling out in full every time.

I agree with you that words are great and can express a range of things. I just think "the ick" is a valid term to also express something specific to capture a feeling for which a long winded description is not necessary. Language is great

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

OK

So my stbxSIL left BIL because over 30 years his behaviour wore her down and she eventually decided to leave.

Or

My STBXSIL fell in love with dickhead BIL, his incipient alcoholism, foul table manners, infidelities and general twattishness didn't bother her until one day, 30 years later, she woke up in the same bed as the boorish twat I had always known him to be. It was the first the she saw him in that light and she decided to end their marriage immediately.

You would say she had had enough of him over time. She, and I, would say she woke up one morning and felt like a switch had been flicked... she had The Ick and once she saw him through that lens she couldn't unsee it and had to leave him.

I hope you never experience it because, much as I dislike STBXSIL, I wouldn't wish her experience on anyone. She now has 30+ years to look back on and she can now see what everyone else always saw. Her entire life had changed, she can't trust her own judgement any more.

Anyone who has read any of my previous posts about PoisonousSIL will know I have absolutely no time for the woman. But I do feel sorry sorry for her - The Ick stole her BIL blinders.

[Alcemeg]

I think it's actually worth examining emotional states as depicted in this "Wheel of Emotion" (which I once posted on another thread but also seems relevant here).

You could probably situate "the ick" in the pink "petal," but it's also interesting to look at the neighbouring "petals" and the relationships between them, e.g. the closeness of remorse to contempt. (Marry in haste, repeat at leisure, etc!)

Not sure it's something you only feel in the early stages of a relationship. It's possible to seize on some trivial detail about someone, like a gap between their teeth, and suddenly it represents something that's irritated you for years about them.

Maybe "the ick" = "the penny dropping" 😊