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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell you that the ick does not exist

152 replies

Theickdoesnotexist · 19/09/2021 21:15

You might have fallen out of love with someone you’ve been with ages.

Or gone off sex because you’re peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired.

Or gone off someone you’re dating

Or changed your mind

All these are fine

But the ICK - why is this being banded about like it’s an established Thing?

OP posts:
MumofPsuedoAdult · 19/09/2021 21:27

What's the point of your thread?

I went on a second date on Friday night. The first one was drinks...fine (though he didn't rock my boat). The second was a meal. He spent the evening talking with his mouth full and spitting food across the table.
I got the ick and there won't be a third date. I can assure you it exists!!

Shodan · 19/09/2021 21:28

I see 'The Ick' as a shorthand term for any or all of the millions of reasons that someone might suddenly have gone off their partner (or potential partner, even).

It can be a tiny, indefinable thing that would make no sense on paper , or something more tangible. It can be the final straw in a relationship, or something noticed on a first date.

Whatever it is, it's as real as attraction is, imo. Just in the opposite way.

PugInTheHouse · 19/09/2021 21:28

But surely OP the scenario you have described isn't the ick, that is more something someone does that puts you off over a period of time, eg a lazy bastard in the house.

Original poster
Theickdoesnotexist · 19/09/2021 21:28

That’s not the ick, @MumofPsuedoAdult

That’s a perfectly good reason to not want to continue to see that person. Bad manners and disgusting.

Actual words. Aren’t they marvellous Wink

OP posts:
MumofPsuedoAdult · 19/09/2021 21:28

@Theickdoesnotexist

So three children ask why did you divorce daddy and you say I had the ick.

Or is it too much to use actual words?

This is a ridiculous use of 'the ick'. I don't think anyone uses it in this context.
BlueberrySugar · 19/09/2021 21:29

@Theickdoesnotexist

So three children ask why did you divorce daddy and you say I had the ick.

Or is it too much to use actual words?

Well if they were children you probably would sugar coat it wouldn't you.

You wouldn't say oh daddy was a lazy bastard in bed and didn't satisfy mummy.

Original poster
Theickdoesnotexist · 19/09/2021 21:29

Oh but they do.

Read relationships.

OP posts:
BlueberrySugar · 19/09/2021 21:29

@Gorl

The ick definitely exists. Otherwise I wouldn’t have gone from ‘madly in lust and envisaging a happy future’ to ‘creeped out and preparing to break up’ overnight with my ex when he shaved his beard and revealed a weak chin.
🤣🤣
Notimeforaname · 19/09/2021 21:29

It's more a feeling.
It just jumps up on you.

As someone said above , things you didn't mind before,suddenly repulse you. Instantly.

Theres no build up of resentment. Iit's just, one day they disgust you.

Notimeforaname · 19/09/2021 21:30

It's *

MumofPsuedoAdult · 19/09/2021 21:30

@Theickdoesnotexist

That’s not the ick, *@MumofPsuedoAdult*

That’s a perfectly good reason to not want to continue to see that person. Bad manners and disgusting.

Actual words. Aren’t they marvellous Wink

I wouldn't have used the word 'ick' to describe that either. But it kind of sums it all up. Why are you getting worked up about how other people describe what is effectively 'a turn off'?
BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:31

Gosh. I’m genuinely glad you’ve never experienced it, it’s absolutely horrible.

I tried to get over it once with a guy when I was in my early twenties as I wanted to like him so much and he was perfect on paper. A decade later I still have bad dreams where I’m married to him and desperately don’t want to touch him.

RebeccaCloud9 · 19/09/2021 21:31

I absolutely got it once. Completely went off him immediately. Wasn't at the relationship stage though. Think it's much rarer/unlikely late on in a marriage. And certainly unlikely to see it is a reason for divorce. But it definitely exists!

trippingflip · 19/09/2021 21:31

Yes dear. Thank you for coming on here to tell everyone exactly what wrong-thought is. We are all now educated appropriately.

Fallsballs · 19/09/2021 21:33

It’s a visceral undefinable feeling and one you need to have actually had to experience it. Like I don’t know what a burst appendix feels like because it hasn’t happened to me.
It happens suddenly and without warning, like a flash. Happened to me a few times.

TheNemesisOfLame · 19/09/2021 21:35

Yeah I got the ick on a boating holiday with my partner. Suddenly utterly revolted by his physical presence. We were away with my parents- so luckily could blame lack of action on them being around.
I moved out about a fortnight later....

grapewine · 19/09/2021 21:37

@Doublevodka

A man with long nails. That gives me the ick. No other explanation needed, surely?
Yes.

And loud chewing. I don't care how attractive they are otherwise. Instant ick.

YABU, OP - but good for you that you haven't been there. It's visceral.

Nojobforoldmums · 19/09/2021 21:37

OP, do you mean the Ick doesn't exist, or that it alone isn't sufficient reason to end a marriage especially one with young kids?

Do you think, effectively marriage vows should be "for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, in lust and in ick" and couples should try and work through such issues ?

FurzeMinister · 19/09/2021 21:39

@HereForThis

Yanbu but this is going to go down like a lead balloon on mn, where we need to have "the ick" as a reason/excuse/justification (take your pick) of anything we want.

Don't you dare rain on our parade!

Why would someone need an excuse or justification (or even a reason) to end a romantic/sexual relationship that they no longer want to continue? And why should they be chided for it?
Scbchl · 19/09/2021 21:41

Its just another way of saying gone off someone. Dont see the big deal or why its getting to you.

MadamMalkin · 19/09/2021 21:44

For me, the ick is when someone touches you, or tries to be affectionate or kiss you, and for whatever reason, it makes you feel literally icky/cringey. Like you want to pull away from them. I've always felt it as a physical thing, a moment of "eugh no, get away", as a reaction to whatever they've done that was a turn off.

Samanabanana · 19/09/2021 21:44

Oh the ick definitely exists

Bizawit · 19/09/2021 21:44

@Theickdoesnotexist

So three children ask why did you divorce daddy and you say I had the ick.

Or is it too much to use actual words?

I’m so confused what you are objecting to? Of course relationships can break down for a range of reasons and people can have a range of feelings about their ex-partners/ lovers. “The ick” is used to describe one particular type of experience / feeling that you may get in a relationship, that comes on suddenly, is beyond your control (often beyond reason/ unreasonable), and makes you feel suddenly revolted and turned off by the person. It’s more likely to occur in the context of a short term/ casual fling than a long term relationship. It doesn’t need to replace other words/ explanations for why relationships break down Confused.
KissedintheDark · 19/09/2021 21:46

You're looking to make sense of the ice when the point is the ice doesn't make any sense.

I was chatting to a potential OLD for a few days and getting on really well - made a date to meet and everything. I was really looking forward to it.
Until he said in conversation that he had strong arms to hold me. Shock
The Ick struck me there and then and that was the end of that.

KissedintheDark · 19/09/2021 21:47

Ick not ice - a pox on this computer.

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