To tell you that the ick does not exist

[Theickdoesnotexist]

You might have fallen out of love with someone you’ve been with ages.

Or gone off sex because you’re peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired.

Or gone off someone you’re dating

Or changed your mind

All these are fine

But the ICK - why is this being banded about like it’s an established Thing?

[HereForThis]

Sorry I changed my mind further down @FurzeMinister

I agree with you.

[TheRebelle]

I’ve only had The Ick once, on a date with a friend of a friend, all going well until he started sucking his spaghetti bolognese like he was a toddler, I was instantly repulsed, I couldn’t get out of the restaurant fast enough.

[EmbarrassedNC21]

YABU.

Sudden repulsion syndrome is another term for it.

It's real. I can testify to that.

[IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves]

No words 'exist' as physical things. They are just sounds used to describe or identify things that exist or to communicate thoughts, feelings, etc. 🤷‍♀️

This word is used to describe specific feelings that arise in specific situations and that lead to a big change in how you feel.

So yeah, yabu. 'the ick' exists because it is the word chosen for whatever reason to communicate to others certain feelings.

You may not like the word but that does not mean it isn't a 'thing'. It is a 'thing. It's a word used to describe this feeling of suddenly going off someone for no reason

[HugeAckmansWife]

YABU. I have a male friend.. Known him 30 years, always 100% platonic but I love him dearly. Its platonic because if he so much as squeezes my arm, I slightly cringe. He's gangly and boney and has slightly wet lips I think, just urgh, but he's one of my closest friends, so long as I don't have to touch him! I think what the op is complaining about is 'ick' being used as shorthand.

[galacticpixels]

It happened me once. I was dating a guy for two months. We got on really well. Then one evening during dinner he said something (can't even specifically remember what now, it was years ago) and I could barely even look at him anymore. Pure repulsion. That's what I consider the ick. 🤷‍♀️

I've gone off guys I was dating in the past, but in a more gradual way. The ick to me is when it's a sudden and very intense dislike.

[SarahAndQuack]

@Theickdoesnotexist

You might have fallen out of love with someone you’ve been with ages.

Or gone off sex because you’re peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired.

Or gone off someone you’re dating

Or changed your mind

All these are fine

But the ICK - why is this being banded about like it’s an established Thing?

This sounds like yet another tedious attempt to gaslight women into feeling that they can't or shouldn't trust their own responses.

There is no law that says you have to have a good reason for ending a relationship/ no longer being sexually interested in someone; there's no reason you have to explain yourself to anyone.

[Ayeayeayeaye]

No it’s very real. Just because you haven’t experienced it or you’ve seen it used in the wrong context doesn’t mean it isn’t.

I was with an ex partner six months. He was very funny, good looking, very cool, absolutely my “type on paper”.

One day I woke up with the ick. Every single thing he did made me cringe when it hadn’t before. No bad habits, he would literally speak and I would physically cringe. He hasn’t done one thing wrong or changed in any way. We remain friends to this day.

I don’t know what’s so controversial about it I didn’t realise it was that unusual

[Fallsballs]

The suddenness of feeling repulsed by someone you may have thought you cared about is actually quite awful. I remember sitting across the table with my fiancée and just watching him talk and thinking you’re a boring old fucker and I do not want to spend one more minute in your company. In fairness he was always a boring old fucker and I just noticed. Maybe it’s when the wool falls from your eyes.

[Seventhascent]

This is really shallow but I went out with a military chap years ago and fancied the pants of him in uniform. And then I got the ick really strongly when I saw him in mufti. It wasn't his ordinary clothes per se, but his trousers were too short and he wore white socks, and his hair was plastered down wierdly to one side. I am not proud of myself for my reaction. We staggered on for a few weekends after that but the attraction had gone on my part and I couldn't fake it.

[Saoirse82]

@Theickdoesnotexist

The ick is apparently

“ "The ick" was first coined by Ally in TV show Ally McBeal, and, as dating expert Hayley Quinn explains, "It's a dating term that means you get a sudden cringe feeling when you have romantic contact with someone: and become almost immediately put off by them." You might feel suddenly repulsed, put off or cringed out by the person you're dating - that's "the ick" talking.”

What I’m saying is that someone saying ‘we have been married twenty years, have three young children and he does nothing. I have the ick.’

That’s not the ick that’s a lazy bastard husband.

Or it might be (if a nice husband) the menopause or whatever.

It’s not a phrase that belongs with marriages and long term partnerships with kids and it’s weird the way it’s being used as if it is.

The one with the ick factor was a Friends episode in season one, so well before Ally McBeal. And it does exist, its happened to me at least once and it's usually in the early stages, I've never heard anyone talking about a long term partner or spouse giving them the ick.

[NoBetterthanSheShouldBe]

The ick is a thing, and just ended a nascent relationship for me. Visceral is exactly the word to describe it.

I’d have thought it unlikely to arise in relationships of many years standing unless the other party did something truly disgusting- and then the relationship breakdown would be attributed to the action not the ick.

It’s much easier to tell someone “I have the ick and I can’t get past it” than tell them exactly why you suddenly find them revolting. New words are invented all the time, and this one is here to stay.

[scarpa]

@Theickdoesnotexist

So three children ask why did you divorce daddy and you say I had the ick.

Or is it too much to use actual words?

I mean, I would hope you wouldn't get divorced because you got the ick.

[RedRec]

Telling us, eh? That a shorthand that most of us absolutely understand as it resonates with us, doesn't exist? Alrighty then.

[Fattedthesecond]

Which is it OP, the ick doesn't exist or the ick is being used in the incorrect context (and therefore by default does exist)?

[Cinderss]

It definitely does exist.

And it’s actually really sad to suddenly find yourself feeling repulsed by someone and everything they do.

[MyPatronusIsACat]

YABU @Theickdoesnotexist because you don't get to TELL ME - or anyone else here - what we should believe 'exists.'

[scarpa]

Is it the term that annoys you?

What if we used ROIIR (Rapid Onset Incurable Interpersonal Repulsion) or something scientific sounding, would that be okay or is it the concept of being immediately repulsed by someone's very existence that bothers you?

If it's the latter, you are so lucky never to have experienced it (and should not of what you do not know). If it's the former, I'm afraid you need to get over it.

[3luckystars]

I don’t like the word either, and would like to propose the phrase, ‘the turn’ instead, but it IS real.
I have never heard of it being reversed either but anything is possible.

[TheFoundations]

It's good to finally hear from the Great Authority the answer to this question that's all been driving us mad for years. We will be sure to respect your ruling.

[Booknooks]

@NotRainingToday

OP, all the things you say are rational.
The ICK is not rational - it's literally shorthand for irrationally going off someone.
For example, someone who has wet lips, even though they probably always did. But the minute you notice it and find it gross - that's the ICK.

Yes this.

[eekbumbler]

@AnonymousAuroch

The term exists because it perfectly captures the skin-crawling revulsion you feel towards someone you were previously sexually attracted to. It's not at all the same sensation as simply falling out of love with someone or just not wanting sex -- it captures the "ickiness" you feel when being touched by, or thinking about being touched by, someone.

If you haven't experienced the ick, great. But many of us have, and it's a real thing.

This.

Partner of 8 years. Always desperately fancied him.

Slowly but surely, could not stand to be anywhere near him. So whilst I'm walking past and he reaches out for my hand and says he loves me and give him a kiss...

Ugh

Disguise, purse lips, kiss like you'd kiss you Nan and get away ASAP

that's the ICK and I have never seen the show you quote.

It is so hard, especially when you have children, but once it happens 0 there is no going back.

[gannett]

Of course sudden lack of attraction exists but tbh a grown adult using the term "the ick" would be instantly repulsive to me.

It's also used to avoid any self-reflection at all in many cases. Not all, it's used for such a variety of situations on here, but just imagine a man saying he'd suddenly got the ick because his wife was nagging him to do chores or to stop his hobbies. He'd be eaten alive.

[Sparklfairy]

The ick is definitely a thing.

It's different to going off someone or changing your mind - I've done both of those too.

But I've also had the ick.

Like an orgasm, you only know you've had it, when you've had it

[AlwaystrymyBeat]

If it happens can you ever turn things back again or is that it