To tell you that the ick does not exist

[Theickdoesnotexist]

You might have fallen out of love with someone you’ve been with ages.

Or gone off sex because you’re peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired.

Or gone off someone you’re dating

Or changed your mind

All these are fine

But the ICK - why is this being banded about like it’s an established Thing?

[VenusTiger]

Hmmm I do see what you're saying OP, some ppl use the 'ick' as an ambiguous term - for instance, they really mean 'a turn off'.

Anyway, I thought it was Monika in Friends who 'invented' the ick when she slept with a young virgin who lied about his age - and found out after the deed that he was a senior in college - now that really is 'the ick' as it's skin crawling! it's more than a turn off, the ick is like a violation.

When I was a teen, I found out something about my first bf - I won't go into details or I'll puke in my mouth, but I phsically shuddered - that was more than a turn off - that was the ick - it's like a feeling of 'it's too late now, we've got this far and then you find out something' - as I say, it's like a feeling of violation.

[xxlostxx]

@AlwaystrymyBeat

If it happens can you ever turn things back again or is that it

Once the ick happens that's that in my experience. Can't reverse and just won't feel the same again. Past experience has taught me that the ick feeling just intensifies!

[Queenoftheashes]

It’s rare but possible to recover. My friend got the ick after a nuzzling incident and chucked the guy. But when he wasn’t all desperate about it she got over it and they’re now married and expecting a baby in a few weeks.

[Holskey]

Okay, so I disagreed with your OP, because the ick is real. But I agree with your follow-up: a lot of people say "ick" to describe being put off someone for perfectly rational reasons.

The ick is not rational. It's visceral and comes suddenly, seemingly for no good reason, despite previously really liking a person. A deep revulsion that makes your skin crawl and can make you feel like you might react violently if they touch you. Usually happens early days in a relationship.

[MyMabel]

I got the ick with one of my very first boyfriends. We were only school age but he went to kiss me and he has the crustiest, most foul and clogged nose full of green sticky and crusty bogies I’ve ever seen. I actually had to refuse the kiss and ended the relationship when I got home. I couldn’t, it took a lot of effort not to physically gag.

[SelkieQualia]

It exists, but on mumsnet it's dragged out every time someone gets irritated by their partner or is tired of being cooped up in the house with them for months. People jump on with "leave them now, it's the ick and you will never get over it".

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

@Theickdoesnotexist

So three children ask why did you divorce daddy and you say I had the ick.

Or is it too much to use actual words?

I think the ick is a different thing with the same outcome. Both your description and 'the ick' mean it's over and not a healthy happy relationship.

But the ick, in my understanding anyway, is the visceral skin crawling argh / cringe about the other person being romantic with you in any way at all - compliments, touching you, sex etc.

[Miniestelle]

The ick definitely exists. "There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy"

[youvegottenminuteslynn]

And the ick is all consuming and makes you feel nonsensical / unjustified things. You hate the way they breathe / walk / talk - everything makes you cringe and feel so unattracted to them.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Your instincts gut feeling is definitely real.
I've felt it in non sexual relationships.

[StandsForComfort]

Oh god, it's real. My skin is crawling just thinking back on it. It's been donkeys years now since it's happened to me, but I still have nightmares that I'm actually married to one of my exes (instead of lovely non-icky DH), and am stuck with the ick forever!

@LemonSwan Do you mean that you've gotten the ick in a platonic friendship? I didn't know that was possible.

[HailAdrian]

Nah, you're wrong. I've been grossed out by people for things that wouldn't put me off my current bf.

[pelosi]

What I’m saying is that someone saying ‘we have been married twenty years, have three young children and he does nothing. I have the ick.’

But you’re not saying that. You’re saying the ick doesn’t exist at all. Why do you you get to dictate to other women how to verbalise their feelings?

It’s not clever.

[ISpyCobraKai]

The Ick absolutely exists, and not just in sexual relationships, its happens in friendships too.

[Ijustknowitstimetogo]

Large nostrils with visible hairs.

[WhoIsPepeSilva]

I always thought the ick was when suddenly and for no reason you can put your finger on you go off someone or that something that had previously not bothered you at all suddenly you can't stand.

I believe in the ick.

[Northernparent68]

So how would the ick believers feel if their partners or husbands ended their relationships on the basis he had the ick ?

[Sgtmajormummy]

If the ick happens with friends or colleagues, it’s the Bitch Eating Crackers meme.

21st century slang is bound to be caught up in references to modern TV or Internet memes. Of course it’s lazy and there are more eloquent ways to explain it. “He made my skin crawl” or “Everything about him made me irrationally angry”.
But it’s funny and slightly self deprecating, so why not use it?

[Fallsballs]

@Northernparent68 what could you do ? It’s a feeling and I’d have to respect their decision.

[Sparklfairy]

@Northernparent68 why would I want to be with someone who wasn't attracted to me anymore?

Normal people don't tell them 'I'm breaking up with you because you gross me out'

[HumousWhereTheHeartIs]

@Theickdoesnotexist

You might have fallen out of love with someone you’ve been with ages.

Or gone off sex because you’re peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired.

Or gone off someone you’re dating

Or changed your mind

All these are fine

But the ICK - why is this being banded about like it’s an established Thing?

"Or gone off sex because you're peri menopausal or have young DCs or are just tired" Yeah. Those are the only reasonable reasons.

[Dontsaykwen]

The Ick is a symptom not a diagnosis.

You might have the Ick because you’ve fallen out of love with someone.
You might have the temporary Ick because you’re undergoing treatment that affects your desire to be touched.
And when dating, the Ick is a red flag not many people get past.

[merrymelody]

So you must be suffering from the ick, OP.

[Dontsaykwen]

Oh and for the people saying The Ick can happen in friendships as well, I definitely agree. I’m just holding on too long to a friendship that doesn’t bring either of us joy because we met in uni. Now I’m getting The Ick more often and it might be time to let go

[thepeopleversuswork]

I think the Ick is definitely a thing -- and who cares what people call it. I've experienced it multiple times.

Where I would quibble is around its permanence. The orthodoxy says that once you have the Ick there's no turning back and its obligatory to dump someone and say "this isn't working". Real life isn't as black and white as this. Sometimes you can have the Ick for someone and a week later be kicking yourself because you behaved like a complete primadonna and they are now pissed off.