do people who got married young feel envious of people who got married older 35+?

[RetroMy]

Sometimes?

married young I mean 18-24 years old vs over 35 years old.

I do because being married young didn’t give you a chance to develop your interests as an individual or sexually because you were too busy pleasing someone else at that age. Trying to make a relationship last that started that young is difficult and having children young would mean you didn’t get a chance to experience youth by yourself.

Anyone else?

I feel like I’m ready to start my life over again. Now. No longer together and happier.

@Miseryl I agree. That does sound very difficult and I'm sure it was equally challenging, if not moreso. I definitely don't think travel is the only way to grow and learn at all. There are many ways you could do that. I'm just saying that when it comes to travel, doing it with a partner isn't the same as doing it alone.

I had my kids in my early twenties and am glad I did. I would not want to be dealing with kids in my forties because I am tired and need my sleep!

I get much more out of my free time now as I am older and have more knowledge and experience to bring to new situations.

@Gorl

Hiking in the mountains in Bulgaria where I either had to solo camp or find refuges at set points before it went dark, travelling through the Balkans where I didn't speak or understand any of the local language and where a lot of the bars/places were officially or unofficially 'men only', working as a maid at a hotel in France where I was completely excluded for weeks and nobody had patience for my (at the time) weak level of French, to name just a few.

None of these things would have been anywhere near as difficult, challenging, frustrating or infuriating if I'd had someone there with me to make a joke or take on some of the mental load or even the physical one, but that's how the learning and growth happened, slowly.

Bloody hell, that does sound grim.

I think the difference between us is that you seem to have approached travel as an arduous ordeal to be endured through gritted teeth in the manner of one of the 12 labours of Hercules, whereas I viewed it as the opportunity to have a lovely time and see some wonderful places

Not saying your approach was wrong, just that it explains why you have a ‘I was born in it, molded by it’ mentality to travel rather than a ‘that was good fun, happy memories eh!’ one.

Same here Gorl. Also... like a pp earlier in the thread, I never got lonely either (when I travelled alone,) because I made friends easily. I said earlier that it CAN be lonely for SOME. But it wasn't for me. And I definitely got the same level of learning, and experience, and excitement with someone else as I did on my own. No reason why you wouldn't.

I think it totally depends on the individuals involved. One of my friends met her DH at 15, he was 17, and they're one of the happiest couples I know. They went to different universities, travelled and lived abroad (yes, together), he supported her when she retrained for a new career.

OTOH, another friend met her husband at 35 after the type of life the OP is yearning for - lots of solo travel, v. successful career, plenty of money, etc. Married at 37 and 13 years later they went through the nastiest divorce I've ever witnessed.

I'm in the middle of those two examples, married DH at 25 after knowing him for 3 years, so pretty young. I'd been travelling independently abroad since 16 though (different times!) and although I know I could've had other opportunities if I'd been single longer, I don't regret it. He's a great person and we have fun together.

Not sure what you're expecting from the answers here OP. I can summarise the answers:

1. No, I married young, had kids young, not jealous I now have grown up kids and am still with DP.

1. No, I married young, had kids young, I'm now divorced but loving life.

1. Yes, I enjoyed my younger years of freedom, i changed as a person, I found myself, i made a great career, I had fun, I married older, had kids older.

Not sure anybody who falls outside of these happy stories is going to admit that they wish their life had panned out differently.

Does everybody have to live by the same timescales?

OP, I’m interested that you see a young marriage as preventing you developing because it means you’re too busy ‘pleasing someone else’ — I can honestly say I’ve never viewed my marriage as involving ‘pleasing’ DH.

@DeepaBeesKit

They aren't even true native Przewalskis, they are reintroduced and there've been horses bred into the lineage way back when because they had all but died back. Not worth it

Maaan. Nah. Still would go. It sounds like a nice change. 😁

On a way I could do my bucket list of Kyrgyzstan and Kazachstan. Apparently the historical sites there ara really interesting with it being on a silk road. However, that must wait jntil I can save enough and take ultra long holidays 😂 so another 30 years lol

I do think that waiting to have children is a good idea if you meet young, though, so you can live your own lives first. This friend who met her DH at 15 didn't have her first until 30!

[quote Miseryl]@Rozziie those experiences sound a piece of cake compared to having my son alone at 25, without even having my mum around to help me. I know which one I think would bring so much more joy, love and meaning to my life, as well as the cliched personal growth and development etc. I can't think of anything that would have taught me as much resilience, independence, self reliance etc. Being so young, I was also much more flexible and adaptable than I would have been at an older age. I grew up being used to being a parent.

Everyone chooses a different path in life, my way wasn't the right way or the ideal way for everyone, I'm just illustrating how less than idea circumstances can result in as much or if not more "growth" as the cliched routes of travel/uni/career etc (I did built a career in my 30s and went on to have another DC.)[/quote]
This. ^ It's incredibly arrogant to think everyone else life experiences are/have been nowhere near as challenging as yours. And it's soooo obnoxious to refuse to back down and accept that other people experiences of certain things were different to yours. Never read such tosh on here in a long time! I am embarrassed for a certain poster on here tbh.

Gosh, no. I met DH at 22, married at 26, I’m now 44 and wouldn’t change it for the world.

We waited until I was 33 to have kids, though, and it was a blessing to have so many years of just us to nurture the relationship.

Married at 19, divorced at 38 .

I met my STBXH in my later years, married and had family in my later years. I made a terrible choice with an incompatible partner. I don’t think age comes into it. If I could have met and stayed with a compatible partner in my early 20s I’d have been so happy. I don’t think age or life experiences are so important. But the quality of the relationship.

Good luck however on your new life period. I hope this time is more rewarding for you

Of course it's down to individuals and different cultures and opportunity above all.
However, I sometimes envy the people who I know who married and settled and home owned young. Even if they subsequently split. They also often make fantastic parents.
I fell into the late 20s to marry and early 30s for kids and so did the majority of my friends. I was a young widow at 33.

The only demographic I don't envy at all are the people having dc in their 40s. For most it was not by design either infertility or not having met 'the one' earlier. The early 20s parents are in my experience much stricter and more hands on and the dc well balanced and happy, the 40 something parents in my acquaintance tend to struggle a bit.

Not in the slightest.

I did both and the second time was better

Why, I met DH at 18 we had a great time with uni and work and didn’t live together as a couple until we were 24, then were married with 2 DC by 30. Not everything has been smooth sailing and having done 25 years we may not be together forever, but that is the current plan.

We have travelled the world together, separately and often with the DC.

I have never felt I married too young or that I should have waited to have my DC, I like that they are adults and I am still early 50s

Well I'm definitely not the same person I was when I was 24 (am now 31) and I married at 24. But I have navigated all those things with my husband by my side. And I wouldn't have it any other way

Not remotely. Met young, married young, had just young. Loads of history together. Really happy about that - no complicating exes. Had children young Have our own (separate) interests. Looking forward to growing old together. Think we are really lucky

@MyPatronusIsACat embarrassed for who? Me? Yes it does sound arrogant I admit, but so are many other posts on here where people spell out the best growth and development plan for others- the typical middle class life plan of uni/travel/partying/career in your 20s and marriage/kids in your 30s/40s. Things like teen pregnancy/single parenthood/early marriage/dead end jobs/living in your hometown can result in exactly the same personal growth and development as people. My own path isn't one many would actively choose but it doesn't make it any less valid than the more traditional MC index

@MyPatronusIsACat oops sorry I think you were agreeing with me, sorry! 😃

[quote Miseryl]@MyPatronusIsACat embarrassed for who? Me? Yes it does sound arrogant I admit, but so are many other posts on here where people spell out the best growth and development plan for others- the typical middle class life plan of uni/travel/partying/career in your 20s and marriage/kids in your 30s/40s. Things like teen pregnancy/single parenthood/early marriage/dead end jobs/living in your hometown can result in exactly the same personal growth and development as people. My own path isn't one many would actively choose but it doesn't make it any less valid than the more traditional MC index [/quote]
No, not you! I am not embarrassed for you.

The poster who keeps insisting her truth is the only version, and that her life experiences have been tougher than anyone else's.

[quote Miseryl]@MyPatronusIsACat oops sorry I think you were agreeing with me, sorry! 😃[/quote]
YEP I was!

I’ve never felt this (married at 23, together some years before that) but we didn’t have children until I was 33. I’m glad we had time together to grow and change and enjoy being married, I don’t think I’d have preferred the experiences many of my friends had of meeting someone at 30, move in at 31, engaged at 32, married at 33, baby at 34 - I know that’s not really quick but to me it feels like moving between so many life stages really quickly without time to enjoy each as anything more than a stepping stone to the next.

The poster who keeps insisting her truth is the only version, and that her life experiences have been tougher than anyone else's is the one I am embarrassed for @Miseryl Her posts are making me cringe.

No.