To dress completely differently for private school visit?

[Criesoverspiltgin]

We’re visiting a private school for my child. It’s likely that they will gain some kind of bursary to attend as they’re pretty bright, but I REALLY don’t want to look like the ‘poor family’ on the open day. And if I do, what the hell do I wear?
AIBU to fake our usual attire?

Tara Palmer Tomkinson said as long as you have a good coat and shoes, it doesn’t matter where your clothes are from.

I just bought a full sleeved check/houndstooth dress from Primark for £13, looks fab!

A bursary isn’t given based on what the parents wear. Why would you wear different types of clothes if it is a private v state school.

I wore black trousers and a jumper and smart boots

That’s fine (I don’t pay the fees I am the poor parent)

[quote Wroxie]@thewhatsit LOL the classic Jeans and Sheuxs combo that is literally the only thing that brings out the snob in me- men wearing shoes that are too dressy for the rest of their outfit. The rule for men is that if your shirt doesn't have buttons and a collar, and /or if you are wearing jeans or shorts, you should be wearing trainers or very, very casual shoes- maybe boat shoes in the summer or casual boots in the winter. Getting this wrong makes you look like a clueless dork, at best, or a Jeremy Clarkson-esque tasteless boor, at worst.[/quote]
Oh my gosh, I didn’t know this had a name!! And yes, it’s awful.

I genuinely think that that combo on a man is the ONLY thing someone could wear to a school open day or drinks reception or something that I would at. Everything else goes.

@talismaniac in what way do you think the kind of clothes the parents wear changes depending on rural vs urban? My DC are at a London private school and people dress casually.. I wear the same clothes whenever I’m rural, which we are fairly often for family reasons, and I think I fit in fine. The only thing I change are my shoes because in London I usually wear white plimsole type things and I wouldn’t wear them in the countryside.

I went to a pretty posh school myself and honestly the parents that wore the flashiest clothes and the most ostentatious jewellery were always the foreign ones who sent their children over to board. British parents were always a bit scruffy

I went to public school. There was an inverse relationship between smartly dressed parents / shiny new cars and genuine “poshness”. People were teased on the basis of their parents being try hard.

My dad once collected me on the way back from market. He was in the stock lorry, complete with mooing cows and dripping piss out of the back, no one batted an eyelid.

It's not about the clothes you wear, it's the car you drive.

I had a semi luke warm welcome when my DD started at the local prep school and was then more or less shunned when people clocked my crappy car.
I'm a 'poor' parent, my parents pay the fees. However didn't stop my DD being chosen at Head Pupil this year

I would agree - usually the more holes in the jumper and the more battered the car the more loaded the owner.. The Range Rovers tend to belong to the 'up and coming'.

Just wear a favourite day dress if you like dresses, but leave your pyjamas at home.!

We have all sorts at our prep school, rural but in the SE. Plenty of fake nails, fake tan and Botox and not just on the women. Lambos, Raris etc but ‘fully electric’ is the real cachet car of the moment. Also plenty of shit old motors, jodphurs and horse boxes too. No one really cares as the parents are so diverse, they all want the best for their kids though.

I have no helpful advice OP, i literally just came on to express my at people who think 'poor' people wear M&S or that sporting Joules or Boden is ordinary day to day clothing for anyone but the posh 😂

Honestly, peak mumsnet! 'Oh there's no need to wear anything special OP, just wear your everyday £150 boden dress' lol.

Do you OP

@Blendabrethin my wardrobe contains no Boden at all. It is mostly Sainsbury or Next for me. I do buy M&S knickers although no one can see them on the school run.

Thank you everyone! For the laughs and for the very reassuring comments.

I remember wearing trainers, a top and jeans when we went to DS's open day. It's a little different where we are. Fees are income-based to get more of a mixture of families and we certainly have that. Nobody cares about my 20-year-old Peugeot and when it comes to school clothes, practicality is more important than them looking posh. DS wears workwear trousers, as do many of the other kids, because he rolls around on the ground, likes to slide down stairs on his bum and generally needs hard-wearing clothes to get through the day. Our second-hand sales are also visited by many parents. It doesn't matter whether someone wears a second-hand top. It's completely normal.
I guess it depends on the school...

@Blendabrethin Boden look not Boden brand. No ones going to be looking in her labels.

I went to public school. There was an inverse relationship between smartly dressed parents / shiny new cars and genuine “poshness”. People were teased on the basis of their parents being try hard.

Oh jeez this is horrible. I went to a state comp in Brum but thanks to my brain ended up with quals and am now a long-term expat in Switzerland.

My eldest goes to the village primary. No need for indépendents here; the difference between state and public is the smallest in the world. Well unless you want them at Le Rosey of course. But that’s beyond anyone on this thread or anyone most people are likely to meet.

Good luck OP. Bright kids with loving parents will do well wherever they go.

Go as yourself OP. Keep in mind that there will definitely be other parents there who will be asking for a bursary when their DC receives an offer.

What matters is if your DC like it, if you like it, if you warm to the staff and pupils you meet and if you like how it functions as a school.

Wear flats, there might be a lot of walking. If it really bothers you shove a bit of tweed on or muted colours, no flowery bodenesque dress though its the wrong time of year. Play ‘count the LV Neverfull bag’ or bet your DH who will be first to spot a woman in a felt fedora with feathers in the band like Where’s Wally (she’s there, at least one maybe more) and relax.

This is such a funny thread. Many people in state schools needing a bursary will not have a “bit of tweed” to “shove on”, to go with their everyday Boden dress and Apple Watch.

@Blendabrethin you missed the tweed just shove some on - simples

Going somewhere ‘posh’ would always make me want to rebel and dress like a scruff.

Sorry, that probably doesn’t help

My dd is at private. I rock up in jeans, hoody and cheap shoes and never feel remotely out of place. If it is that judgy, don't send your child to school there.

Another vote for understated. I've never worn anything but jeans to the various private school open days we've attended. Usually with converse, gazelles or boots and a T-shirt/shirt/jumper.

Not many people really dress up. It's possibly a generational thing as my parents put on smarter clothes when they come to our school events.

By the way, when I say ‘scruffy’ I don’t mean the fabled MN posh person incognito. I mean a band t-shirt, baggy/ripped jeans and old converse.

Don’t worry about new clothes. Just make sure your clothes are clean and presentable.
Spend your money on a decent haircut to make yourself feel good about yourself.

Surprised by all the 'converse' answers. I wouldn't wear trainers or converse to any school open day - private or state I think that would be a bit casual. Smart ankle boots for winter or sandals in summer. Mumsnetters clearly have no class.