To dress completely differently for private school visit?

[Criesoverspiltgin]

We’re visiting a private school for my child. It’s likely that they will gain some kind of bursary to attend as they’re pretty bright, but I REALLY don’t want to look like the ‘poor family’ on the open day. And if I do, what the hell do I wear?
AIBU to fake our usual attire?

When we attended the open day for DD's school (she boarded) DH and I just went smart casual - think from memory I wore jeans, boots, and a cardi or jumper. Most parents there were dressed casually - I noticed that the really posh ones tended to wear completely mismatched, almost tatty, clothing.

Just wear something comfortable and be yourself!

I would have thought an A line floaty skirt; buttoned blouse in a soft, plain, light-coloured material - silk ( cami underneath) ; a linen jacket in a neutral shade - neutral to not look like a work jacket (e.g.navy) so taupe, tobacco, teal, ideal. The linen will look smart but not formal. I think good quality fabrics. A floaty skirt will move nicely. Mid-brown to neutral leather sandals . Where flesh-coloured tights.( I wouldn't go bare-legged).

Remember the length. If you are short, as I am, quite, have the skirt taken up to be just below the knee. Some floaty skirts can look very swamping, if long. But floaty better than tight for the occasion - tends to reflect unhurried enjoyment rather than busy bustle ( more suited to work).
Have a hair cut and blow dry before the visit, as that always creates a lovely impression, and upper middle class people do have their hair trimmed regularly.

I would buy something from Country Casuals.

The woman can wear pretty much anything, the man should wear chinos/cords and a shirt if he wants to blend in.

Agree don't over dress. Presentable jeans and casual top - not too revealing.

The real markers to the family income are the handbags and jewellery and of course the brand of sunglasses worn. They may not be new but they'll be classicThose sporting "designer" brands shout new money or trying too hard.

@Diverseopinions are you serious? The photos of the duchess of Cambridge probably sum up the look. I don’t think a country casual look with tights is one to emulate unless it’s grandma going to the open morning and then my mums outfit is more likely to be D of C look (mum had 4 kids in private school)

I work at a London private school and don't recognise some comments at all. We get all sorts at our open days from a huge range of backgrounds, ethnic and socioeconomic. We also have lots of kids on 100% bursaries. All different styles of dress but definitely v casual. I think it depends on the school.

Flesh tights and a tobacco linen jacket! It's a school the OP is visiting, not the 1980s.

It’s likely that they will gain some kind of bursary to attend as they’re pretty bright, but I REALLY don’t want to look like the ‘poor family’ on the open day.
If you are superbright then you get a scholarship. You get a bursary if the family are financially embarrassed. Last I heard, what with school finances being tight these days, schools are quite sharp about checking whether you really are hard up. Dressing too well will not help, unless the clothes are good quality but you have obviously had them a long time.

We also have lots of kids on 100% bursaries.
I'm amazed at this! Must be a very rich school. Most private schools are not able to do this.

It sounds as if you are going have problems going forward if you don’t think your good energy as you are.

I would buy something from Country Casuals
Bwahahaha!

@Diverseopinions

I would have thought an A line floaty skirt; buttoned blouse in a soft, plain, light-coloured material - silk ( cami underneath) ; a linen jacket in a neutral shade - neutral to not look like a work jacket (e.g.navy) so taupe, tobacco, teal, ideal. The linen will look smart but not formal. I think good quality fabrics. A floaty skirt will move nicely. Mid-brown to neutral leather sandals . Where flesh-coloured tights.( I wouldn't go bare-legged).

Remember the length. If you are short, as I am, quite, have the skirt taken up to be just below the knee. Some floaty skirts can look very swamping, if long. But floaty better than tight for the occasion - tends to reflect unhurried enjoyment rather than busy bustle ( more suited to work).
Have a hair cut and blow dry before the visit, as that always creates a lovely impression, and upper middle class people do have their hair trimmed regularly.

I would buy something from Country Casuals.

Don't do this OP. Unless you want to look like Hyacinth Bucket Goes To Look Round Prep School

Rummikubfan I think the DoC look is a bit Country Casuals - before they disappeared as a brand ( as I just found out).

I think tall, lean people look smart and elegant in jeans. The lean and straight frame is quite prevalent, genetically, among the gentry division of the wealthy, and for those of all origins, a healthy salady diet predisposes people to lean fitness. I guess upper middle class people have a certain bearing and hold their neck straight, and so they look as well in jeans as a model on the catwalk would do. I think jeans are a risky recommendation, if you don't know how well they will suit the OP.
It might be a nice chance to ask a stylist to help out. Why not? If it is going to make OP feel more comfortable.

I don't actually think that jeans and a tee shirt is a great look for short folk, or those who are a bit rounded, or those who don't walk with a loping, straight-backed and poised gait. I think a floaty skirt and linen jacket would be safer.
Phase Eight have some great dresses, e.g. 'Lottie pleated shirt dress' and I think those strike the right note between casual and smart.

OP the best tip I can give you apart from
A) sunnies
B) kate Middleton off duty will serve you very well if you aren't confident in choosing an outfit

Is

C) whatever you do do not, I repeat, NOT look as if you've tried too hard. For gods sake don't wear tights. It might be a private school but it's not a royal wedding

My XH worked in private schools for many years and we were invited to a lot of social events.

I'd go for good quality jeans and fitted white t shirt with a blazer/tweed jacket (not ragingly traditional necessarily, Joe Brown's do some nice ones) and low heeled boots or Converse.

Seriously, it's just clothes. Does it really matter as long as they're clean functional and paid for?
I would say that attitude, kindness and ethics matter far more than bits of fabric and I'd be wary of any school that judged anyone otherwise.

Joules. Jeans, Breton top or shirt, maybe a jacket depending on weather. Shirt dress would be ok, if you like them. Do not try too hard.

I do wonder that some people think all private schools are the same. There's quite a difference between DDs local, decent one where all the parents wear jeans - think your average middle class mum uniform - and drive range rovers and where she might go to at 13 where they will either be in falling apart Barbours and driving their estate's landy or a rolls.

I'm assuming the former, so just jeans and a decent jumper. Most of the mums wear trainers or converse.

I'm a class rep and we did a meet the new parents coffee morning this week. I wore some bronze espadrille things, ASOS jeans and a phase eight jumper. All from charity shops!

If it's a local private school then people are mostly normal. If it's Stowe, Radley or the like then you'll need to be millionaires old or new to fit in.

If you channel "standard stereotypical Mumsnet attire" you'll be absolutely fine.

Clean shoes, nails and teeth, brush your hair, smile and you will be fine. Sometimes the posher (old money)the scruffier as they truly have never thought about what to wear

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

Speech Day/social event outfit

There you go, all requirements covered 😂

Spot on for both.

Can't go wrong. Aim the look boring and safe and you'll blend right in.

Skinny jeans, nondescript top. Decent shoes or boots. Floaty dress. Literally nothing else.

Gym kit for for the school run occasionally. Sorted.

On the many private school open days I've attended, most people are smart-casual or weekend casual. Think dark jeans or chinos, and a woolly jumper, shirt or polo for the men, and women in jeans/linen trousers/denim or cord skirts, with a jumper. Footwear could, weather-depending, be sandals, converse, leather boots, shoes (but not black shiny suit-type shoes IYSWIM).

I don't think I saw any lounge wear (yoga kit etc) during an open day, although anything yoga/running/jeans etc is common (as in normal) for pick up. Saying that, I've never seen anyone in 'youth' type joggers, hoodie, baseball cap and white trainers, so I would avoid that.

The only time I raised an eyebrow was when I saw an entire family dressed up in matching Burberry type jackets, country smart (tweed trousers, jackets, mustard pullover, checked shirt, tie), which if all the family were in different shades, or the colours had been more muted, or the clothes were older/battered, would have fit in ok, but the colours were all rather bright and every item looked brand spanking new (and they all matched!). They stuck out like a sore thumb - it was too bright, too try hard, too obviously expensive and new, and just very different from the other parents.

Don't worry about needing second hand uniform btw, I don't know anyone who turns their noses up at the second hand uniform shop! Everyone loves it, so there's no stigma at all about having second hand. And I know that's the same at many other private schools.

Just dress smart casual or whatever your comfortable in and be yourself .

And in the interests of equality two looks for the Private School Dad Off Duty on the School Run. A rare beast indeed.
The shorts are pretty much all-year round. Plus suit for formal occasions ie. leavers balls

*I would have thought an A line floaty skirt; buttoned blouse in a soft, plain, light-coloured material - silk ( cami underneath) ; a linen jacket in a neutral shade - neutral to not look like a work jacket (e.g.navy) so taupe, tobacco, teal, ideal. The linen will look smart but not formal. I think good quality fabrics. A floaty skirt will move nicely. Mid-brown to neutral leather sandals . Where flesh-coloured tights.( I wouldn't go bare-legged).

Remember the length. If you are short, as I am, quite, have the skirt taken up to be just below the knee. Some floaty skirts can look very swamping, if long. But floaty better than tight for the occasion - tends to reflect unhurried enjoyment rather than busy bustle ( more suited to work).
Have a hair cut and blow dry before the visit, as that always creates a lovely impression, and upper middle class people do have their hair trimmed regularly.

I would buy something from Country Casuals.*

Nope. Absolutely not. That's just way too formal and try hard. As a PP said, it's like Hyacinth Bucket. Plus, if the OP's short of money then this is going to be a ridiculous and probably unachievable expense, as is 'finding a stylist' as was suggested later.

Hair - whilst yes most people have their hair done more frequently, we're all looking a bit ratty at present due to frequently cancelled appointments thanks to Covid. I wouldn't worry about getting your hair done. As long as it's clean and brushed it'll be fine.

I'd just wear smart jeans, ankle boots and top. Nice bag.