To dress completely differently for private school visit?

[Criesoverspiltgin]

We’re visiting a private school for my child. It’s likely that they will gain some kind of bursary to attend as they’re pretty bright, but I REALLY don’t want to look like the ‘poor family’ on the open day. And if I do, what the hell do I wear?
AIBU to fake our usual attire?

Thing is if your chid does end up going there then do you intend to buy a new outfit for every parents evening, every time you pick them up or pick them up from a friend's house? The whole thing will entirely consume you. Just be yourself.

DH and DD went to an open day yesterday, private school in London (I was unwell), there were soooo many people I didn’t think it would matter how they looked? Would anyone in the school remember parents from the open day during assessments? DD decided to wear her worst clothes, not matching, with holes - can’t force a 3 year old to look smart can you? This thread is making me wonder if that has diminished our chances

Seriously? You're there to check them out, not the other way round. At the Open Day focus on if they right for your child? Will they acknowledge and respond to their needs? Does it feel like somewhere they will thrive?

If you apply for a bursary, they will most likely employ a company who specialise in forensically examining every aspect of your finances, and decide if you are a worthy recipient. It's not just done on income, or even savings. Do you really not have any money, or have you spent it all on an expensive lifestyle? What car(s) do you drive? Do you go on lots of flash holidays? Even what food is in the fridge - is it stuffed with champagne and oysters? At no point will they be bothered by what you're wearing - unless it's this season's Gucci. (Deffo points off for that.)

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

And in the interests of equality two looks for the Private School Dad Off Duty on the School Run. A rare beast indeed. The shorts are pretty much all-year round. Plus suit for formal occasions ie. leavers balls

Nice 😉

My daughters dad picks her up usually in tracksuit and trainers and the dreaded “hoody”.🙄, but the shorts do come out on hot days.lol

As the old saying goes Never judge a book by its Cover.

Rather teach your kids to be comfortable with their background with is nothing to be ashamed of. Bullying doesn’t work if people are able to laugh it off in a confident way.

@avamiah

DH is usually in mud-encrusted gardening clothes, police uniform or some other equally rancid selection of clothing.
I am usually in work clothes, a ratty selection of badly-matched sports clothing or mud encrusted Jods 😂. Ain't nothing styled about my appearance haha. Mind you in all seriousness I come from generations of public school so I guess it's all normal for me. I can understand why people would feel anxious. DH doesn't come from that background and was a bit anxious to start with that his battered old Volvo would look out of place. I told him it would fit right in 😂

Anyone judging others by their attire is simply an asshole. Put on your ordinary clothes and be yourself.

A headmaster at a private school said he's actually interviewing the parents as well as the child to ascertain personalities. Your clothes are immaterial. You'll come across as loving caring parents.

@Djifunrsn

Anyone judging others by their attire is simply an asshole. Put on your ordinary clothes and be yourself.

Absolutely right and nine times out of ten they usually are. Nobody has the right to judge anybody by their appearance.

I'd go with smart casual. At open days I've seen stilettoes and chanel handbags and others in jeans and flip flops. I'd pitch it in between. No jeans but not shirt and tie either. Certainly be comfortable, no stilettos.

My Grandma used to say about clothes ‘it’s washed and cared for clean and paid for and if you don’t like it tuff'

Dress how you feel comfortable

You do need advice. Dont go as you are.

Im not the one to give it though, as I dont know, but I know enough to know that 'they' will never tell.
Its a secret code.

Yes comfortable shoes as the open day tours can last for hours.
And even though you will get refreshments, take a bottle of water .

@Embroidery

You do need advice. Dont go as you are.

Im not the one to give it though, as I dont know, but I know enough to know that 'they' will never tell.
Its a secret code.

What!

Please ignore this

@avamiah

Yes comfortable shoes as the open day tours can last for hours. And even though you will get refreshments, take a bottle of water .

But do take note of this

Personally I wouldn't turn up looking like a total scruff bag. I'd make sure my clothes were clean and that I'd brushed my hair.

Then again, I'm not from a well off family and I never went to private school, so maybe I'd stick out like a sore thumb.

I sat next to a lady wearing an old shabby dirty coat at a parents evening. We chatted and she mentioned she had four children and fitting in seeing all their teachers was difficult. Thinking of the expensive fees I blurted out that must cost a fortune, I hope they give discounts for multiple children.
Later that year I was told her name by my son. The family are the wealthiest in my city.
She did’t care a stuff what she wore so don’t worry.

I prefer to be smartly dressed when possible, although most of the time my go to look is diy or special forces / private operative.

@Criesoverspiltgin

We’re visiting a private school for my child. It’s likely that they will gain some kind of bursary to attend as they’re pretty bright, but I REALLY don’t want to look like the ‘poor family’ on the open day. And if I do, what the hell do I wear? AIBU to fake our usual attire?

One option although I'm guessing these days is unusual is the university gowns that's usually worn during graduation.

DD has just started private school. Though I didn't think about it at the time, we're probably some of the less wealthy parents (good jobs, but not old money).

For open days / first drop off I wore standard clothes:

Linen sack-like dress and ballet pumps.
Skinny black jeans (sorry MN) and oversized sweatshirt.
Black tapered trousers and oversize Breton top.

I do have fancy handbags, so maybe that poshens (yes, poshens) me up a bit.

Either way, I didn't think about what to wear, I only remember as it was so recent, and I felt comfortable and not like I didn't fit in.

Please just wear your usual clothes. Good luck to your child if they are bright and may get a bursary. I guarantee that’s all the school will focus on.

As long as you're wearing clean and tidy clothes that fit and that you are comfortable in I doubt anyone will bat an eyelid at the specific clothes you're wearing.

Overly formal wear, or clothes you are clearly uncomfortable in, will stand out just as much as if you turned up in ripped jeans, stained t shirt and flip flops.

Honestly I think you're reading too much into this. Wear what YOU want to wear.

To those saying don't dress up - what if OP happened to be going to the open day after or before work for example and work requires smart dress as mine does - I'd go like that and not give a shit.

I wouldn't be dressing too casual personally, just somewhere in between.

I'd wear something like Chelsea boots, jeans and a blazer with a t shirt underneath.

I would go for something in between or as if you had come from work. I think it is at the weekend though so a work look like look a bit out of place. I tended for open days etc to wear a work jacket, top and skirt which is pretty much normal clothes for me but my twins are at university stage now so I may be out of touch. For me it is like a uniform and you don't have to think about it. (and posting's blazer with T shirt under and jeans is really along the same lines)

As others have said, wear the outfit you feel your best in…..at our private school it’s a real mix, I see many people in their gym kit and even one in muddy jodhpurs at pick up and drop off. Nobody bats an eyelid. Reading other’s posts though, it really depends on the school. We have a very broad range of social backgrounds from those that scrimp and save to send their DC, to some very very wealthy. However there is a commonality between us of kindness, good manners and respect so we don’t seem to have as much of the bitchiness and one upmanship experienced in other schools. As for additional costs, no one buys brand new uniform other than when first joining the school, and even then we go large so as to get more life out of it! After that it’s all swapped and bartered between friends/siblings/year groups. Not only is it incredibly expensive to keep buying new, but also terribly wasteful as well. Enjoy the tour and just be yourselves