To dress completely differently for private school visit?

[Criesoverspiltgin]

We’re visiting a private school for my child. It’s likely that they will gain some kind of bursary to attend as they’re pretty bright, but I REALLY don’t want to look like the ‘poor family’ on the open day. And if I do, what the hell do I wear?
AIBU to fake our usual attire?

We've been in your position. On the open day go casual but wear your "better clothes". If you have a private meeting with the headteacher go smarter. I wore interview type clothes. Not a suit or anything fancy just something i felt confident in. Confidence is the key thing here and dont be afraid or intimidated by anyone. Rich/posh people are just normal people with the same struggles as others. They dont know what you have or do not have and its not their concern. Just be yourself and focus on listening to the talk etc. Best of luck.

@Iloveabourbon2

I would dress up tbh! First impressions and all that. Let's be honest it's a different class altogether.

I’m telling you now you’d be out of place dressed up. It’s not a ‘different class’ - it’s people with more money than average. Lots of people now are the first people in their families buying private education having made money rather than come from money.

What you should be aware of is a lot of people will probably have a LOT of money. Fees have increased so much over the years that private education really isn’t accessible for many middle income families.

OP - A nice pair of jeans, a pair of converse and a casual top will be what almost everyone (male and female) will be wearing.

The problem is that of you have low self esteem and a complex about not being the right sort for the school, then you will project this on to your child. Be yourself and don’t feel like the poor relation. To be honest, you should feel very pleased with yourself to have dedicated children who can achieve well without having been tutored and pushed, they may all feel jealous of you! You can’t go wrong with a floral maxi dress and white plimpsolls. Not too smart or too casual.

I always worked full time so a visit was often after a work thins so usually would be in work jacket, shirt and a skirt.

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes

I completely disagree with some of the other posters, people do make an effort for open days. You should get the opportunity to speak to the bursar too (that's the person who looks after the finance aspect of the school) and you want to look as if you've made an effort.

Smart/casual is the way to go.

All the private schools my children have attended have been significantly better on the pastoral care than the non-private schools. Very, very little bullying.

Usual school run garb at our Indy is smart work clothes for those dropping off en route/gym clothes/jeans and well cut T-shirt. Most women have a decent haircut.

Yesterday we had a BBQ, the most popular outfit for the women was floaty dress/skirt, sandals, long loose hair and the ubiquitous sunnies.

Sunglasses. Everyone wears sunglasses.

But as others have said there's no point in trying to fit in or appear better off than you are. There are people at our school from all backgrounds. Where granny pays the fees, where the family sold the family home to put DC through private school, where the family home is 5 million, where the family home is in Barcelona and the parents only attend at the beginning and end of term. Everyone is different and you will be more noticeable if you try to be something you're not.

Sunglasses. Everyone wears sunglasses

This I definitely agree with!

And fir gods sake don't dress up, you will probably end up sticking out like a sore thumb

I wear sports clothes, paint covered clothes, smart clothes, fancy dresses.... I've had wet hair, greasy hair, sweaty hair, head in an up do.... I couldn't give a shit what others think...

You do not need to 'fake' your attire. I'm a teacher in a private school and people usually turn up in smart-casual clothes. Not clothes splattered in paint or full of holes, generally not tracksuits and hoodie, but nice normal jeans and tops for example. Most people seem to make a bit more effort than they might for slobbing about at home, but don't dress as though they're going to a job interview! In fact, sometimes it's the ones that over-dress that seem more nervous!

And by the way, lots of parents at all the private schools I have worked at make sacrifices to make ends meet. Yes, it's an affluent crowd generally, but they're not all super rich, and actually some families do struggle to afford the fees. You are unlikely to be perceived by anyone as the 'poor' family. Private schools are being put under pressure to provide more bursaries than ever these days anyway.

I think some of the comments here are a bit unhelpful and show a complete lack of understanding regarding some people's financial means.

For example:

The mums will just be your average Boden-wearing mum. Not everyone can afford to shop at Boden and many would consider that to be an expensive brand

Most will wear Apple watches rather than expensive ones. Apple watches are completely unaffordable for many people.

Fwiw, I'm in the same boat as you OP... Currently starting the process of applying for bursaries/scholarships and it feels like another world. Still determined to give my DD the best chance she can have in life though.

I went to a private school open day this w/end & EVERYONE wore jeans/shorts/T-shirt/with a few casual dresses/skirts

I’m going to a lot of private school open days in the next few weeks, and I’ve got one DC already in private so have done it all before a few years ago.

Anything from work in the City type clothes to the techie look (jeans, Converse and hoodie) is usual. What would look out of place would be anything very glammed up (lots of make up or jewellery, very short or tight skirt or dress) or anything that looks like the sort of gym wear worn by people who don’t go to the gym.

@Criesoverspiltgin My daughters used to go to private school. There were only 8-10 children per class and most parents that were "well off" always had some kind of bursary, reduction of fee's. I wouldn't worry about what you look like, you all have every right to be there.

I was annoyed nothing like that was eventually offered to my children as everyone else seemed to have something. Oh and private schools up sell everything to you... they don't really give you a choice if your child "needs" extra tuition, they will get it and YOU will be expected to pay it.

My children are also much happier in a state school.

I'm sure your child with thrive, don't worry what you look like. We were are hands on property developers and always turned up in paint stained clothes 😂

I went on a tour of Westminster school this week in black jeans, summer shoes and a tshirt. I think you'll stand out more if you're overdressed.

@desperate4spring

I think some of the comments here are a bit unhelpful and show a complete lack of understanding regarding some people's financial means.

For example:

The mums will just be your average Boden-wearing mum. Not everyone can afford to shop at Boden and many would consider that to be an expensive brand

Most will wear Apple watches rather than expensive ones. Apple watches are completely unaffordable for many people.

Fwiw, I'm in the same boat as you OP... Currently starting the process of applying for bursaries/scholarships and it feels like another world. Still determined to give my DD the best chance she can have in life though.

God- yes! Thank you for this. Boden and Apple ARE luxury brands for most of us!!!

@Criesoverspiltgin

I have attached a photo of DoC wearing the Private School Mum Uniform. It's a pretty fail-safe blueprint.

Speech Day/social event outfit

There you go, all requirements covered 😂

But please note the essential all-event, all season accessory.

Sunglasses on top of head acting as Alice band

@DaphneDeloresMoorhead

But please note the essential all-event, all season accessory.

Sunglasses on top of head acting as Alice band

That, I do anyway!

At my DD's private school it's very mixed. We have boden type stuff, gym gear, hoodies, all over tattoos, crazy hair and pretty much everything else. The only thing I don't see is head to toe lounge wear. It does depend on the school though. My friend sends her to private school in Harrogate and it's quite different - most of the mums don't work and everyone is loaded. I'm guessing they dress differently (or more likely the same) there.
I echo those who say go with whatever you feel comfortable in.

I think some of the comments here are a bit unhelpful and show a complete lack of understanding regarding some people's financial means

Well given that the target audience to answer the question was parents with children at private school it was fairly obvious that the respondees would be affluent surely ? People just move in different circles and don't realise how tough life is for lots of the country.

Just dress smart casual, I remember wearing new jeans and a Joules top and another time a dress from White Stuff, just wear what you have in the wardrobe, I definitely would not buy new especially.

Don't forget they want your money - they are on show more than you are??!