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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I going to have SS involved because of this?

308 replies

Sillyoldelfbacktoself · 19/09/2021 19:19

DD is 7, year 3.

She usually has a hot lunch at school but doesn’t like any of the options tomorrow (Pizza, Jacket Potatos and Curry she doesn’t like any of them). She will not eat the cold option of a wrap either – sensory issues around food, she can be very fussy with food - is fine everywhere else, even school have commented on her food.

I went to my dads today on my pedal bike, went shopping for lunchbox stuff (pasta, tomatoes, some fruit and some kitkats) and other stuff then dads dropped me, plus bike home (he has a bike rack on the car) but I’ve left the bags in the boot of the car. I’ve got DD back with me now (she’s been to her dads for the weekend) and dad lives an hour away anyway, there’s no way she could cycle that far. No public transport on a Sunday, no local shops open – nearest shop to me is a Tesco Metro, no corner shops or anything as I’m basically in the town centre.

I don’t own my own car as I can’t afford to (single parent). I walk and cycle everywhere and use public transport if I can’t get there under my own steam.

Dad won’t drive out to me (understandably) and I can’t get to the shop before school starts. I might be able to get there before lunchtime tomorrow but it really depends on my morning meeting and whether I can get back to my town in time.

If I email school whats likely to happen? SS report? It’s the first time it’s ever happened, usually DD will eat at least 1 of the 3 options offered by school or I can get to the shop to get stuff to make it ok.

Lesson learnt, never shop on a Sunday always do it the other days when the Tescos shut at 10pm so I can at least throw something together.

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 19/09/2021 21:40

@Nat6999

Would she eat pizza? If she will, order a takeaway one now for delivery & send he some cold in her lunchbox.
Says in the opening post pizza is tomorrows offering and child doest lie it
KarmaViolet · 19/09/2021 21:41

@Regularsizedrudy

How were you planning to cycle the food shop from your dads? None of this makes any sense.
She wasn't, her dad dropped her and her bike back. But they both forgot to take the shopping bags out of the boot before he went home.

Sounds like it's sorted now with an early morning Tesco Express trip.

Not sure the dismissive posters are helpful when OP has explained the heightened anxiety is from an abusive relationship. Yes she might benefit from some support for the future, but that doesn't cure today's immediate panic reaction.

HalzTangz · 19/09/2021 21:42

@JanglyBeads

Posters, you really need to RTFT before replying here
I disagree. It's perfectly normal to read and respond to a post as you work your way through a thread
Memoriesofanoldlife · 19/09/2021 21:43

Are you ok, op?

Are you really struggling?

To those people saying they can’t believe she has nothing in the house to eat, it happens! I’m due to do the big shop tomorrow, this weekend was a bit all over the place, we mainly bought food when out and had picnics, I’ve no bread left, some milk, oats, some cheese, onions, water, fruit, that’s about it. I’d have nothing that constitutes a proper lunch for tomorrow

B1rthis · 19/09/2021 21:46

Pay a taxi to collect the food from dad's and transport it to yours.

FlyingPandas · 19/09/2021 21:51

As a parent of a now 17yo with some major food sensory issues, I sympathise, OP. There is also clearly a major back story with your ex. But try not to panic.

Best thing you can do now is pre warn school in the morning and then manage it from there: either mention it to teacher at drop off, or call the school office if you’re not doing drop off, and explain what has happened. Be polite and apologetic and they won’t bat an eyelid, let alone call your ex! Honestly - I work in a school office and this happens all the time (ie kids with no lunch selected and a packed lunch missing for whatever reason). They will help you sort something out if you explain.

If there’s absolutely no way you can get a makeshift packed lunch to school tomorrow morning, then ask school if your DD can have the wrap option for lunch. She may or may not eat it - but (and I don’t mean to sound harsh here, but 17 years of parenting an extremely food-sensory-disordered child has made me a bit gung ho and philosophical about this sort of thing) if she doesn’t eat it and goes hungry? Then so be it. It will happen from time to time as she gets older. It’s inevitable. DS would rather go without food than eat something he can’t tolerate and has on many occasions - but he’s just made up for it at the next mealtime! You will probably find your DD does the same.

Just get some stuff in tomorrow at some point, make her a substantial snack including a sandwich to take for her at pick up, then make an evening meal that’s a guaranteed win, and serve her a big portion of it!

Honestly it’ll be fine.

NerrSnerr · 19/09/2021 21:58

@HalzTangz if you're cycling 25 miles in 1 hour then you know that's very fast. You would had come in the top 30 of the British champs (RTCC) this year if you're female. I'd be surprised if the OP is an elite cyclist as well.

VenusTiger · 19/09/2021 21:59

Hours drive so 2 hour round trip for him, so I understand why he won't come

Dads is an hour away cycling, so about 25-30 miles in the car. So still a good hour or sos driving for him.

Which is it OP?
Are you okay?
I can see now why you didn't want to ask your DD's father to help out, but I don't understand how or why you went to all that trouble shopping near your dad's when there's a Sainsburys and Tesco near you to then leave it in the car?
You need to sort out your anxiety (I know what it's like myself, your mind rushes at 100mph) - there are herbs that help if you want me to advise you (personal exp not medical advice) and then take the advice of pps who have children with sensory issues - they tell you to stop pandering to your DD - this can't continue OP, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Good luck in the morning.

converseandjeans · 19/09/2021 22:00

OP I can see why you're worried as DS is extremely fussy. I don't think school will notice unless you say something.

You could either email school and ask if they can do her some plain bread? Or send her in with some bits - pot of dry cereal, kitkat, fruit. I'm pretty sure the school kitchen would make sure she ate something?

Hope you get sorted.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 19/09/2021 22:11

I've got a few friends that have difficulties with food. I messed up a communal meal before and was in a right state trying to find a solution. My ex had a good answer for me within seconds. It was obvious.

Now I just take a deep breath and do breathing exercises for a while before working out what I need to do.

SaltySeaAir · 19/09/2021 22:26

Honestly, pick the most likely one she will eat - even if it's just rice from the curry! There will be pudding as well 🙂 Pick her up with a decent snack. Don't worry! I'm sure my 6 year old hardly eats any of his school dinner.

Vodkacarbsandtobacco · 19/09/2021 22:33

Do you live near Stockport by any chance? If you do I could nip to a supermarket early in the morning and bring you what you need? It would have to be very early though as I have school run then work at 9. I don't mind at all if you are near enough xxx

Dixiechickonhols · 19/09/2021 22:33

Just order her a school lunch. Tell her to choose sides she will eat eg bread and do her best. Take snack at pick up. Honestly you are overthinking. Paying for a school lunch is perfectly acceptable even if you suspect she won’t eat it. Hiccups happen and it’s good for her to try new things. Mine is fussy/sensory but they need to navigate the world of school lunches, parties etc. Even I’d she eats nothing it doesn’t matter she’ll be absolutely fine.

Ellabella222 · 19/09/2021 22:41

Just order a school dinner. If she’s hungry she’ll eat it. I can’t be doing with fussy eaters myself.

avamiah · 19/09/2021 22:43

What made you think they would call SS ?

Surely she will have her breakfast before school and if she is really hungry trust me she will eat some of her lunch.
Then take her a snack when you pick her up.

SeaShoreGalore · 19/09/2021 22:45

Do you think social services will be called OP?

CustardySergeant · 19/09/2021 23:00

@Lurcherloves

Have you got anything dry like crackers? Or pasta? I sometimes make my DD pasta and she takes it in a flask but it could be eaten cold. Or maybe some kind of rice dish? Or pitta bread?
She won't eat rice or bread.
ohthatbloodycat · 19/09/2021 23:04

But even if you have no bread, don't you have anything like crackers or pasta in the house? Or you could buy her a meal deal lunch from a shop close to the school, and then just hand it in to the school office.

ohthatbloodycat · 19/09/2021 23:05

I also think that's really shit of your dad.

reader12 · 19/09/2021 23:07

It sounds like you’re sorted now, but if it happens again and you have flour you can make flatbreads. Lots of recipes you can google, but it’s basically just flour, water, salt, a bit of oil. You can use plain yogurt instead of water if you have that, and any scraps of cheese or jam or anything really can make a filling.

CustardySergeant · 19/09/2021 23:14

SaltySeaAir "Honestly, pick the most likely one she will eat - even if it's just rice from the curry!"

The OP has said that her daughter won't eat rice or bread, yet so many people continue to suggest both. Confused

sleeponeday · 19/09/2021 23:16

@Ellabella222

Just order a school dinner. If she’s hungry she’ll eat it. I can’t be doing with fussy eaters myself.
www.autismdietitian.com/blog/what-is-spd

Ignorance is treatable. Sensory processing difficulties are less easily resolved, sadly.

RestingPandaFace · 19/09/2021 23:24

I wouldn’t even bother rushing around in the morning @Droppingdown if she loves beans and cheese, order her a jacket with beans and cheese and tell her it’s OK to leave the potato.

RainbowBriteUk · 19/09/2021 23:28

If you live in a town centre there must be cafes open ecarly that could make her a sandwich/pasta/pie?

olidora63 · 19/09/2021 23:28

Just tell daughter to eat what is offered to her …if she is hungry she will eat it !