Am I going to have SS involved because of this?

[Sillyoldelfbacktoself]

DD is 7, year 3.

She usually has a hot lunch at school but doesn’t like any of the options tomorrow (Pizza, Jacket Potatos and Curry she doesn’t like any of them). She will not eat the cold option of a wrap either – sensory issues around food, she can be very fussy with food - is fine everywhere else, even school have commented on her food.

I went to my dads today on my pedal bike, went shopping for lunchbox stuff (pasta, tomatoes, some fruit and some kitkats) and other stuff then dads dropped me, plus bike home (he has a bike rack on the car) but I’ve left the bags in the boot of the car. I’ve got DD back with me now (she’s been to her dads for the weekend) and dad lives an hour away anyway, there’s no way she could cycle that far. No public transport on a Sunday, no local shops open – nearest shop to me is a Tesco Metro, no corner shops or anything as I’m basically in the town centre.

I don’t own my own car as I can’t afford to (single parent). I walk and cycle everywhere and use public transport if I can’t get there under my own steam.

Dad won’t drive out to me (understandably) and I can’t get to the shop before school starts. I might be able to get there before lunchtime tomorrow but it really depends on my morning meeting and whether I can get back to my town in time.

If I email school whats likely to happen? SS report? It’s the first time it’s ever happened, usually DD will eat at least 1 of the 3 options offered by school or I can get to the shop to get stuff to make it ok.

Lesson learnt, never shop on a Sunday always do it the other days when the Tescos shut at 10pm so I can at least throw something together.

If you get up earlier tomorrow then it won’t be a rush.
Get yourself and dd up 45 minutes early and go to Tesco.

Do you work? If not, you can buy something at 10am then drop it into school.

You're worrying excessively about a non issue.

If she is so fussy that she won't eat anything the school offers her, then it's an empty tummy till she gets home, which is her choice.

Would she eat pizza? If she will, order a takeaway one now for delivery & send he some cold in her lunchbox.

You’re massively overthinking this.

Call school in morning and book her in for dinners. She can look at the 4 options and choose the least repellant to her.

Obviously ops dad would then have to drive back which is why op is saying still a good hour or so drive for him

[quote Nicknacky]@Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin I did read that. However as ss wouldn’t be the slightest bit interested then if there were no other options she would need to ask for his help.[/quote]
If you read Op updates it’s sounds like she’s probably traumatised, and is unable to reach out to her ex. @Nicknacky

I understand your stress.

My ds also has sensory issues around food (he has asd) and always ate really balanced diet with the foods he would eat.

One day I'd felt really unwell with a cold at the weekend and so the Sunday had eaten a mixture of all convenience foods and had a really bad packed lunch (jam sandwich and crisps etc!) because I'd felt too unwell to go shopping. (Also a LP)

Of course the school choose that Monday to do PSHE on healthy balanced diet and get them to write what they'd had Sunday, what they had for breakfast and lunch that day and what they were having for dinner.

I spent days worrying about some come back from that! (Of course there wasn't any).

I agree about just getting her to eat what she can and a quick email to school to say shopping was left in car boot and so could she just have .....: until you can sort it.

A lot of school staff will also be parents and empathise and remember it happening to them rather than judge.

@Gilmorehill

You seem very disorganised and really don’t seem to be prioritising your dd. I struggle to believe that you live in a town centre and there’s no grocery shop open either now or in the early morning. I work in a school and I would be concerned if a child came into school with no lunch. We’d be on the phone to you straight away. It would be noted and if it happened several times, it would be considered a safeguarding issue.

I live in a town centre and there's no grocery shop open now. The nearest one open is about a 30 min walk away.

Just a thought, I don’t know if your DD will eat tuna, but I keep John West pasta salad things in the cupboard in case DD needs an emergency lunch. She is fussy about meat, but not other stuff. They don’t need to be in the fridge so perfect for lunches

I hope your Dad has put your perishables in the fridge/freezer.

I remember that panic feeling of thinking my ex would 'use it against me' - an automatic reaction to anything wrong that happened being my fault, and I'd do the most ridiculous things or end up completely exhausted just thinking how to 'fix it' so that things wouldn't kick off. I just stopped fighting and gave in for a quiet life understatement

You will learn to recognise them, or to question yourself and in time you'll have more confidence to deal with what life throws at you.

[quote Limejuiceandrum]@MolkosTeenageAngst
That doesn’t make sense.
I cycle. A 25 min cycle would take 5 min a car, on a clear road.

But that’s by the by.

Op needs to get a therapist ASAP. Because if she’s consistently sending in a spare lunch box for any meal her dd might not like because her ex scared her so much. She needs to work through all that. It’s not healthy.[/quote]
That totally depends on where you live, how fast you cycle and how fast the roads are. It would take much longer to cycle the distance a car can travel in an hour on a 20mph road than the distance a car can travel on a 60mph road! It also depends on whether the car and bike are cycling on the same route, a bike obviously can’t cycle on a motorway/ dual carriageway and a car can’t follow the cycle lanes and shortcuts through parks etc a cyclist may use.

I used to cycle 7 miles from large city centre to the outskirts of the city and it would take me about an hour to cycle it. To drive it takes 20 minutes even late at night on a totally clear road, in normal traffic it would take at least 30 mins and can be a lot longer in heavy traffic. The route is largely made up of speed limits of 20-30mph and there are lots of intersections with traffic lights so driving isn’t very speedy.

She might have some pudding. But if she doesn't it'll be ok. She won't die. Calm down. Maybe keep more supplies in your house in case it happens again.

You would be amazed at what it requires to get socail services concerned. Even if the school called them, which they wont, and they decided to visit you ( they wouldn't) they dont take more than a cursory glance at surface level weeks and weeks later.

There is not enough funding to deal with such trivia. Even if you was not feeding them over a prolonged period they would work with you to parent better.

Maybe go to the shops tomorrow once your daughter is in school tomorrow, make lunch and then drop it in just before lunch time?

Also the cycling thing. Perhaps op has a e-bike?!?!! Cycles down hill? Does it actually matter?

Did you ask your dad if you would bring the food back? I certainly would if I were him. I'd feel pretty ridiculous that I had driven you home and not given you your groceries out of my car, which presumably was the entire reason I drove you in the first place. I'd have no problem coming back

Op I mean this in the nicest way possible but get her a school dinner and maybe suggest it's an exercise try something new? As someone who has struggled with food most of my life I do understand your daughters struggles but I find the way you are pandering to her is probably just re enforcing her phobia. Skipping a meal occasionally isnt the end of the world and trying new things even if you don't like them after is a good thing. You need to show her that as it's quite possible when she grows up part of her socialising will involved food

I have read your posts, but not the whole thread.

If I was your parent and if accidentally the food shopping had been left in my car, I would drive it to you. I really don't understand why your dad cant do this. Apologies if I have missed in your posts an obvious explanation.

Do you do this a lot? Expect him to drive to bail you out. Otherwise just not understanding this.

I do hope tomorrow goes OK.

You sound well stressed op take a deep breath, it will be OK.

Ah bless you OP, as a teacher who ate with kids for the whole of last year in the classroom, I am actually shocked at the number of children who take one or two bites and leave the rest. I’m not going to force a little one (might encourage)
Get her a school dinner and a big breakfast- it’s one day and literally no one will care a jot!

@Sillyoldelfbacktoself

I panicked sorry I have anxiety, ExH took me to court and accused me of all sorts when we first split and I have really bad imposter syndrome so always think I'm going to be "found out".

I'm calmer now and looking through the suggestions and if push comes to shove I'll email school and ask them to give her beans and a yogurt as a one off.

Will check the Tesco Opening Hours right now.

Lots of children only eat the bits of school lunch they like. It's normal. Fussy eating is not a social services issue.

Don't panic, book her a school lunch. If she doesn't eat much she can have a big snack at 3pm. You will both be fine.

Book a taxi from your dads to yours for the food?

All these crazy ideas about ordering deliveroos, takeaways or taxis to drive two hours

A 7 year old not liking their school dinner is not at emergency you have to throw loads of money at!

Gosh so much stress over nothing. I accidentally forgot to send lunch in with one of my kids last week (my husband made it and I thought he'd put it in his bag, he hadn't!!). I got a text saying you've not ordered anything or sent in lunch, send something in ASAP. If anyone forgets lunch and you can't send it in they just give your child a sandwich. There's no referal, I think ss have better things to deal with! If you can still order a lunch just order one, if she's hungry enough she'll eat it, if she doesn't well she isn't going to starve to death in a few hours. I don't get what all the flapping is over, unless there's more to it and there are concerns raised already?