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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner constantly breaks things I've bought

119 replies

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:24

My partner constantly breaks things that i've bought. He breaks a lot of things including his own, but i buy quality and look after my things. I still have my first car, the laptop i bought when i was in uni. I've always worked and saved up for quality things and then look after them so they last and are in great condition. With him its easy come easy go. His broken my ottoman storage by standing on it. Broken my wine glasses, damaged my car, broke a glass tea pot. Today he broke a knife by cracking ice with it and broke a stoneware dish by 'barely touching it'. Its like I'm constantly throwing money away. I feel like I'm not allowed to have anything nice. I've vowed not to buy anything anymore, I'm so sick of buying things and then having to replace them.
The worst part is getting a "sorry" out of him, it's like getting blood out of a stone. Today he said "i've broke one of your dishes, i don't need you beating me up about it, i've already beat myself up about it". I had to tell him, i haven't had a sorry yet. He finally apologised 20 mins later.
I feel like i should have a cupboard that i put all my things in and lock them away from him (like Monica from friends). I can't do this with my car or ottoman, but I might be able to save some of my belongings lol

OP posts:

PersonaNonGarter · 19/09/2021 22:27

OP, you didn’t answer the question about whether you have more money then him and are in a better career position?

Nanny0gg · 19/09/2021 22:37

[quote SpotlessMind88]@BritWifeInUSA no they are my things. I bought the wine glasses, he doesn't even drink. I bought expensive chef knives which cost a fortune. He has never bought anything for the kitchen or house. So no, they are not also his things. I saved up and bought them[/quote]
So will you be happy to live like this?

He doesn’t care and won’t change

Nanny0gg · 19/09/2021 22:38

And why ‘lol’ at the end of each post?

Does it bother you or not?

Driftingblue · 19/09/2021 22:42

I’m really clumsy and have a tendency to break things, including myself, mostly myself. I have ASD so it’s really part of that. I’m not careless though. No one would ever see me doing something and think I was using something the wrong way or was likely to cause damage.

I suspect that is the difference here. The way OP describes it, her partner isn’t actually trying to use these things correctly and happening to have frequent accidents.

I’m thankful DH can tolerate my clumsiness. It’s a good thing too because it prepared him for a child with the same traits.

Carelessness is not something I think I could spend a lifetime dealing with.

ShinyThingsDistractMe · 19/09/2021 22:42

ExH was like this (not the reason he's ex)

He broke everything. He would often appear from the kitchen or another room with something in two parts broken in his hands, once it was the fridge door from the rest of the fridge 🤦🏻‍♀️ man didn't know his own strength.

But the sentence always went.

"I'm really sorry, I broke it, but don't worry I'll sort it." And generally a day or so later the item had been replaced. Or in the fridge case, he went out straight away bought a new fridge and then took the old one to the tip.

Genuinely used to call him Jonah.

That I could live with, your OH the unapologetic stance he has, no chance.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/09/2021 22:47

He has never bought anything for the kitchen or house.

Why on earth not?!

frazzledasarock · 19/09/2021 22:48

Yeah I’d trip and accidentally drop a cup of hot tea on his PlayStation. Then tell him angrily “I don't need you beating me up about it, I've already beat myself up about it".

Then dump him, move out and take your nice things with you.

timeisnotaline · 19/09/2021 22:53

It’s not funny. Break the play station and leave or you’ll never have nice things or a nice partner.

BreatheAndFocus · 19/09/2021 22:57

He’s careless with your things because they’re yours so he doesn’t give a sh*t about them. In fact, maybe he sneers at the fact that you do care and value them? You and your nice, good quality things.

It’s the attitude that’s the thing. I couldn’t live with someone who cared so little.

Cocomarine · 19/09/2021 22:58

@Userg1234

Ok here is the situation...I am a man, he is also male...he doesn't care about your things. In fact he really really doesn't care about your things....it's a form of control...I can break this. I don't care. My wife is a bit accident prone. About 10 years ago she broke my mum's mixing bowl...mum died when I was 17. My wife was in tears because she knows mum's things are important to me. He doesn't even say sorry...think about it

Anyone got the “behold a man has spoken” meme to hand? Mine’s worn out from over-use 🙄

@Userg1234 next time, just give us your opinion without TELLING us the situation, and (you think) adding weight to your opinion because you’re a man. Unless it’s penis or prostate or male privilege related - in which case I defer to your more informed opinion 😉

everythingbackbutyou · 19/09/2021 22:59

@frazzledasarock, yes this. Cherry on top for the partner, they get to dictate how OP is allowed to react to her things being constantly wrecked.

Djifunrsn · 19/09/2021 23:02

Don’t wait for him to drop your future babies - just leave him.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/09/2021 23:06

@Userg1234

Eh? It's not a man thing, it's an abusive thing.

If you are saying that because you're a man man you don't care about someone's things, you're wrong. It wouldn't be because you're a man. It's would never because you're an arsehole.

A penis doesn't make you more likely to drop / smash / break things. Unless it's the size of a cricket bat and you're actively swinging it at your partner's best china, not caring about someone else's stuff = being an absolute wanker, not just being a man.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/09/2021 23:07

That was meant to say:

If you are saying that because you're a man man you don't care about someone's things, you're wrong. It wouldn't be because you're a man. It would be because you're an arsehole.

EstuaryBird · 19/09/2021 23:09

My DH is very clumsy and acts on impulse rather than thinking things through. His mother did warn me!

Now I just buy cheap crap and it doesn’t matter if he breaks it, I have no attachment to it.

It’s your choice OP…put up with the breakages and lack of apology or get out of there, but if you’re going to stay don’t waste your money on expensive things that you get attached to…

If you love him more than your things stay, if you love your things more than him leave.

His lack of apology is a conversation that you have to have with him..

BoredZelda · 20/09/2021 09:39

Does he ever break stuff of his? Or is it just your things he breaks?

Answered right there, in the very first line of the OP.

DD is a bit like this and it is very frustrating. It took us a long time to realise it wasn’t really her fault and the clumsiness is part of her disability. I have another friend who is similar so we just keep nice stuff out of her way. Harder to do if you live with them, I guess.

It comes down to whether you can live with it or not.

FlowerArranger · 21/09/2021 15:18

I agree with another poster that at this stage he is seeing how far he can push you

This is your warning…

Kellie1978 · 21/02/2025 20:19

Your post resonated with me, thank you x

Kellie1978 · 27/03/2025 12:19

Bet this turned out to be coercive control from an abuser. Almost exactly sounds like what happened to me, before it escalated.

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