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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner constantly breaks things I've bought

119 replies

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:24

My partner constantly breaks things that i've bought. He breaks a lot of things including his own, but i buy quality and look after my things. I still have my first car, the laptop i bought when i was in uni. I've always worked and saved up for quality things and then look after them so they last and are in great condition. With him its easy come easy go. His broken my ottoman storage by standing on it. Broken my wine glasses, damaged my car, broke a glass tea pot. Today he broke a knife by cracking ice with it and broke a stoneware dish by 'barely touching it'. Its like I'm constantly throwing money away. I feel like I'm not allowed to have anything nice. I've vowed not to buy anything anymore, I'm so sick of buying things and then having to replace them.
The worst part is getting a "sorry" out of him, it's like getting blood out of a stone. Today he said "i've broke one of your dishes, i don't need you beating me up about it, i've already beat myself up about it". I had to tell him, i haven't had a sorry yet. He finally apologised 20 mins later.
I feel like i should have a cupboard that i put all my things in and lock them away from him (like Monica from friends). I can't do this with my car or ottoman, but I might be able to save some of my belongings lol

OP posts:

Unanananana · 19/09/2021 18:31

Do you live together?

Original poster

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:32

@Unanananana yes we live together in a rented property

OP posts:

Fadingout · 19/09/2021 18:33

Does he ever break stuff of his? Or is it just your things he breaks?

0palescent · 19/09/2021 18:34

Is he so careless with his own things?

Sparklfairy · 19/09/2021 18:34

Doesn't he replace them? Have you asked him to?

Blueemeraldagain · 19/09/2021 18:36

Does he replace or pay to fix your broken things? My DP and I have lived together for several years and I’m dyspraxic so things do get broken (not as many things as around your DP tho….). I always replace or get his things repaired if I accidentally break them. I also don’t use anything expensive of his just in case (expensive headphones for example).

hufffflufff · 19/09/2021 18:37

Could be a form of passive aggression, does he have other ways of making you feel awful (silent treatment, sulking, procrastinating, saying one thing and doing another....). My ex used to break my stuff on purpose and frame it as an accident.

Unanananana · 19/09/2021 18:38

Thats a shame. I couldn't live with someone that had so little respect for my personal belongings. I don't have many expensive things, but the ones I do have that I saved for, I protect fiercely.

It'd be easier if you didn't live together as you could just refuse him entry to your home. At the very least, he shouldn't be allowed near your car.

The fact he knows it upsets you when he breaks/damages your things is telling. He doesn't give a shit that it upsets you, he will do as he pleases anyway and you have to put up and shut up. Is that what you see for your future? Are you not worth more than that?

You'll get posters along soon with the 'oh, maybe he has 'insert issue here' which makes him clumsy! No. I bet he doesn't break his own stuff?

milcal · 19/09/2021 18:38

My partner does this and i now buy cheap stuff for around the house and spend more on personal things for myself. Last year I bought four lovely mugs at £15 each. Two are now broken. I give up.

Original poster

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:39

@Fadingout he does break some of his things too (his bike stand broke the other day) but i buy the bulk of everything. I always save and buy good quality brands and while i was living at my parents house my things stayed in great condition. Since living with him, everything is getting broken. Careless and clumsy, but if it was the other way around i would be mortified if i broke any of his things, i'd be apologetic. He just dismisses it like money grows on trees

OP posts:

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 19/09/2021 18:39

I am like your DP. I don't say this very often on MN but if it bothers you this much, it will be so much worse in 20 years when you've got 2 DC and your bothered older abs more tired.

Just LTB now.

Blueemeraldagain · 19/09/2021 18:39

The OP literally wrote in the second sentence that the DP “breaks a lot of things, including his own”…..

ThinWomansBrain · 19/09/2021 18:41

how long does the rental agreement run for?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/09/2021 18:42

He needs to pay to replace them!

And then going forward not be allowed to touch anything of yours

Original poster

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:42

@Sparklfairy some things he will replace, but he didn't replace the tea pot (my mum gave me one which i've since hid lol) i don't think he is going to replace the knife or the dish. It took him months to repair my car. He gave me the money for the ottoman, which is now out of stock.

OP posts:

GrandmaSteglitszch · 19/09/2021 18:42

You are not happy with this guy and it's not going to get better.
Sorry.

RampantIvy · 19/09/2021 18:43

Could he be dyspraxic?

MrsJemimaDuck · 19/09/2021 18:44

It sounds like he’s not breaking things out of pure clumsiness, but because he’s using the items in a careless way that they are not meant to be used. His failure to apologise appropriately also shows that he is emotionally careless. What are his good qualities? Personally, this would be something I just couldn’t deal with.

Mymapuddlington · 19/09/2021 18:44

‘I haven’t had a sorry yet’ sounds like you’re berating a child and breaking everything and not respecting your things is behaving like a child.
Will you want to be with him in a year or 5 or 50 when this is still happening?

Sparklfairy · 19/09/2021 18:46

He needs to replace everything, big or small, like for like.

He needs to feel the consequences of his actions. I say this as a clumsy person. My brother has a horrible habit of breaking things and shrugging, and if you dare pull him up on it he gets arsey and "stop having a go". Its not a nice trait.

Ultimately though he has little respect for you or your belongings, and this will be your life if you stay with him.

Original poster

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:46

@milcal i think thats the way to go. Just buy cheap and splurge on myself (and hide them lol)

OP posts:

Amigobay · 19/09/2021 18:47

I could write this about my husband! He has broken countless plates, three entire sets of various glasses, etc. He doesn’t do it maliciously he is just clumsy and doesn’t have much sentimental attachment to things (unlike me). It is tough but he doesn’t mean to. In his mind he is sorry but things like that don’t matter to him the same way it does to me!

Tal45 · 19/09/2021 18:49

@RampantIvy

Could he be dyspraxic?

That was my thought when you wrote that he said he barely touched it OP. My OH is dyspraxic and breaks everything. He broke a kids game just today and is wearing shorts with holes in where he ripped them.

DamnUserName21 · 19/09/2021 18:49

God, it's like having a kid! My 11yo DD does this.
How is he in other ways? Can you imagine spending a lifetime with someone who often breaks your nice stuff (and doesn't replace them!) or does he have redeemable qualities?

Whentheydontmeanwhattheysay · 19/09/2021 18:49

I had a boyfriend like this, it drove me mad. It just felt disrespectful that he was so clumsy or careless when I’m really careful with things.
Ultimately we weren’t suited.
How long have you lived together?
It sounds as if you will end up feeling resentful.

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