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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner constantly breaks things I've bought

119 replies

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:24

My partner constantly breaks things that i've bought. He breaks a lot of things including his own, but i buy quality and look after my things. I still have my first car, the laptop i bought when i was in uni. I've always worked and saved up for quality things and then look after them so they last and are in great condition. With him its easy come easy go. His broken my ottoman storage by standing on it. Broken my wine glasses, damaged my car, broke a glass tea pot. Today he broke a knife by cracking ice with it and broke a stoneware dish by 'barely touching it'. Its like I'm constantly throwing money away. I feel like I'm not allowed to have anything nice. I've vowed not to buy anything anymore, I'm so sick of buying things and then having to replace them.
The worst part is getting a "sorry" out of him, it's like getting blood out of a stone. Today he said "i've broke one of your dishes, i don't need you beating me up about it, i've already beat myself up about it". I had to tell him, i haven't had a sorry yet. He finally apologised 20 mins later.
I feel like i should have a cupboard that i put all my things in and lock them away from him (like Monica from friends). I can't do this with my car or ottoman, but I might be able to save some of my belongings lol

OP posts:

FlowerArranger · 19/09/2021 18:50

@GrandmaSteglitszch

You are not happy with this guy and it's not going to get better. Sorry.

THIS. Plus this:

The fact he knows it upsets you when he breaks/damages your things is telling. He doesn't give a shit that it upsets you, he will do as he pleases anyway and you have to put up and shut up.

People rarely change. This will be your life. Is it what you want?

Original poster

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:50

@hufffflufff i never actually thought he could be doing it on purpose. It does seem ridiculous that someone could be that clumsy. Its just one thing after the other

OP posts:

billy1966 · 19/09/2021 18:50

Is this what you want for your life?

Someone who places no value on anything?

Cut your losses.

I couldn't be with someone so rough and uncouth.

You will never have a lovely home again, with lovely things with him.

Your choice.

TDMN · 19/09/2021 18:50

Id be frustrated at the breaking things but rOP arent you sad that he doesnt even treat you as well as the average person would treat a complete stranger? :( if i accidently trod on a strangers headphones in a train carriage i'd be so apologetic and offer to pay for them immediately - he cant be bothered to do so when its his own partner??

BritWifeInUSA · 19/09/2021 18:51

If you live together aren’t they his things too? I couldn’t live with someone who was possessive about wine glasses or kitchen knives.

Tal45 · 19/09/2021 18:51

We also had to replace all the taps as he over tightened them and broke the threads. He still needs to apologise though if he breaks your things and replace it IMO even if it is an acident.

LawnFever · 19/09/2021 18:52

Every time he breaks something he needs to replace it/fix it, stop paying to replace things yourself.

Sounds like he’s careless/clumsy rather than it being on purpose but by paying for replacements yourself you’re just encouraging him not to think about what he’s doing.

Tal45 · 19/09/2021 18:57

[quote SpotlessMind88]@hufffflufff i never actually thought he could be doing it on purpose. It does seem ridiculous that someone could be that clumsy. Its just one thing after the other[/quote]
I doubt he's doing it on purpose, he probably hates how clumsy he is. I know my OH did and also really struggled to apologise as he would try to blame it on the item rather than on what he'd done. He couldn't cope with the idea of being 'clumsy and useless' as he saw it. He can't be more careful because he's not aware in the moment that he's doing things too hard or misjudging things. You need to talk to him about this, understand that he might not be able to change but how can he make the situation bearable for you? Owning up and replacing the item perhaps?

Original poster

SpotlessMind88 · 19/09/2021 18:58

@BritWifeInUSA no they are my things. I bought the wine glasses, he doesn't even drink. I bought expensive chef knives which cost a fortune. He has never bought anything for the kitchen or house. So no, they are not also his things. I saved up and bought them

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 19/09/2021 18:59

He knew you'd be upset and didn't even pretend to be sorry. He was pissed off at you because he knew you'd be upset at him rather than being angry at himself for breaking another of your possessions...

mewkins · 19/09/2021 19:02

@Sparklfairy

He needs to replace everything, big or small, like for like.

He needs to feel the consequences of his actions. I say this as a clumsy person. My brother has a horrible habit of breaking things and shrugging, and if you dare pull him up on it he gets arsey and "stop having a go". Its not a nice trait.

Ultimately though he has little respect for you or your belongings, and this will be your life if you stay with him.

Yes as soon as he breaks something order a replacement and get the money out of him. I think if you do this all the time he will start being more careful.

UmbrellaDrops · 19/09/2021 19:02

This is how it starts, breaking objects, then punching walls then one day, perhaps you. He needs to learn some self control but at this stage he is seeing how far he can push you. I would leave and never look back.

RosiePosieDozy · 19/09/2021 19:03

I'm quite clumsy but love nice, quality things too so make an effort to be very careful. There's of course still the odd breakage.

Seems like your DP doesn't respect your things. He knows he's clumsy so why keep touching your things? And if he does, why is he not being extra careful? Either he is lacking respect for you or he's doing this on purpose.

Doesn't seem like you're happy with him. I wouldn't be either.

BlackHatHuddler · 19/09/2021 19:05

Op. You know you're not suited to him.

The big red flag here's not that he breaks things, it's his reaction. Doesn't care. Doesn't apologisr. Doesn't replace (I.e. the practical steps of buying and collecting a replacement). Doesn't pay.

He's useless.

Clumsy might be fine, but his reaction is showing repeated patterns of being incompatible.

I'm more like you btw. But I know people like your DP. You're just not suited.

waybill · 19/09/2021 19:10

I too have someone who is the clumsiest man on earth. Well, I don't know whether it is clumsy or careless to be honest. So frustrating. Especially when he denies all knowledge of the mystery of the missing wine glass and 24 hours later I walk into the kitchen and get a small sliver of glass embedded in my foot. Can't imagine where that came from

TractorAndHeadphones · 19/09/2021 19:11

To give him the benefit of the doubt he may be embarrassed at how much he's breaking. Of course it's bad to not apologise but that may be why.
However someone who values nice, expensive things (like you) is incompatible with him. Even if he apologised and replaced them he'd eventually run out of money.

I'm not particularly clumsy but I'm quite careless with my things (happily hold my case-protected iphone with grubby fingers for example). So I just don't buy nice things. I'm quite messy as well. Someone who valued order and tidiness would drive me nuts and I them...

godmum56 · 19/09/2021 19:14

I think even if its is all accidental, you are obviously not a good fit for each other. better to realise this early.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 19/09/2021 19:15

This is how it starts, breaking objects, then punching walls then one day, perhaps you

Wow, that's a bit of a stretch. Perhaps he's got dyspraxia as suggested earlier, perhaps he's not very coordinated?

I sometimes break things and it's Sod's law that it usually is something of DH's. I can honestly say that I've never punched a wall. I've punched DH once but that was a fluke accident...

Would you have said that if it was a woman breaking a man's things?

Vaselike · 19/09/2021 19:17

So..

He doesn’t contribute to any nice things in the house, leaving you to do that.

He breaks your things, apparently through inappropriate use (rather than dyspraxic type clumsiness?)

He doesn’t bother saying sorry, offers money to replace etc.

You’ve got more than a “partner breaking things” problem here…

Lweji · 19/09/2021 19:18

He needs to replace anything ASAP.
Shit happens, but more often when you're not careful enough.

MrsColon · 19/09/2021 19:18

Re: breaking things, some people are just clumsy. I am, BUT I am very aware of this, so I don't drink out of the good wedding crystal unless we're having guests over, in which case I'm extra careful. I don't use nice things if at all possible.

If I do break something accidentally I am very apologetic, and will always replace it.

The issue with your DP is less his clumsiness and more his shitty attitude and refusal to apologise/replace/be remorseful/try to do better.

Rainbows89 · 19/09/2021 19:20

My husband has smashed loads of my kitchen stuff.

I’m just used to jt now. He is just so fucking clumsy.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 19/09/2021 19:23

He needs to replace everything he breaks. If it can’t be replaced, he needs to give you the value of it. Only way he will learn. My DSD who is 6 knows to be careful with things, an adult can definitely learn!

northbacchus · 19/09/2021 19:23

[quote SpotlessMind88]@BritWifeInUSA no they are my things. I bought the wine glasses, he doesn't even drink. I bought expensive chef knives which cost a fortune. He has never bought anything for the kitchen or house. So no, they are not also his things. I saved up and bought them[/quote]
Why are you buying everything?

Sundancerintherain · 19/09/2021 19:24

The breaking things could be dyspraxia, the not apologising sounds more like my abusive ex. Funnily enough he only had " accidents " with my stuff if I had displeased him in some way and if I got upset I was " mental".
He never replaced anything either.

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