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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my friend keeps blocking and unblocking my number on WhattsApp?

120 replies

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 13:27

I’ve got a friend who seems to randomly block and unblock me on WhattsApp a lot of the time for no reason whatsoever. So we’ll be chatting normally and then the next minute I’ll find she’s blocked me, then she’ll unblock me again, sometimes later in the day sometimes several days later and will resume contact with me as though nothing has happened! There’s no fall out she just blocks me, but never actually blocks my number altogether because my texts still go through (I know they’ve got through but she just doesn’t respond).

Whenever I ask her about it she always ‘oh sorry I blocked you by mistake’ and when I’ve asked if I’ve upset her she always seems shocked by and says they I haven’t.

AIBU to think this is strange behaviour? And also I don’t believe you can
block someone by mistake. How can you, you actually have to go into someone’s number and select block on WhattsApp to do it. I’d never block a friend, or anyone actually unless they’d been sending me abusive or threatening messages so I find it quite hurtful.

OP posts:
Glssr195726113493 · 19/09/2021 13:29

How do you know she’s blocked you? Apart from her saying she has.

Cuddlemuffin · 19/09/2021 13:31

I have a friend that does this. I think it's a boundaries thing. The thing that is hurtful is them bit being honest about it. I'd tell her that if she doesn't want to respond that's totally but being blocked makes you feel rubbish. If there is a reason for it you'd rather she just said otherwise you will assume she just doesn't like you x

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 13:33

@Glssr195726113493

How do you know she’s blocked you? Apart from her saying she has.
On WhattsApp you can tell if you’ve been blocked because the person’s profile photo disappears and only one tick will appear if you try to send a message. She definitely blocks me.
OP posts:
Cadent · 19/09/2021 13:34

Sounds like an error on her phone.

I would not know if someone has blocked me or unblocked if my messages are going through. You sound overly conscious of this.

IAAP · 19/09/2021 13:34

I block people if they message me crap or put statements on the status etc

Cadent · 19/09/2021 13:36

On WhattsApp you can tell if you’ve been blocked because the person’s profile photo disappears and only one tick will appear if you try to send a message. She definitely blocks me.

Sounds like she changes her settings so no one can see her profile pic or if she’s read people’s pages.

You’re taking this too personally.

Cadent · 19/09/2021 13:37

@IAAP

I block people if they message me crap or put statements on the status etc
You don’t have to read their status!
Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 13:43

To address a few points. She admits she blocks me but always says she’s done it by mistake and always apologises profusely for it.

I don’t message her crap. It’s just general chitter chatter, and she initiates conversation a lot of the time.

Also @Cadent you appear to be getting confused with Facebook etc as you can’t really alter settings like that on WhatsApp.

If it is a boundary thing I wish she’d just say. I wouldn’t be offended and I certainly don’t expect her to message me all of the time.

OP posts:
IAAP · 19/09/2021 13:46

I know! But I deal with it how I see fit. I had one friend who often posts crap about her and her family because of the crap I’m going through I block her sometimes and then unblock her when I feel stronger. Op was asking why people do this - I wasn’t saying she is doing but I have explained why I deal with it. Other people might do it differently. My friend isn’t doing it to upset me but she posts ‘love my parents, so blessed’ etc and it’s a trigger for me so I block her for a bit and then unblock when I feel stronger

IAAP · 19/09/2021 13:48

@Cactus1982

To address a few points. She admits she blocks me but always says she’s done it by mistake and always apologises profusely for it.

I don’t message her crap. It’s just general chitter chatter, and she initiates conversation a lot of the time.

Also @Cadent you appear to be getting confused with Facebook etc as you can’t really alter settings like that on WhatsApp.

If it is a boundary thing I wish she’d just say. I wouldn’t be offended and I certainly don’t expect her to message me all of the time.

My lovely I was implying you post crap 💐💐I was trying to give you reasons why. The main thing is it is her and not you - was what I was badly trying to say 💐
nordicnorth · 19/09/2021 13:52

You CAN change your whatsapp settings so the person messaging can't see if you've read it or not.

Sounds a weird situation but maybe she just likes to message on her own terms at her own convenience. I don't know how you'd accidentally block someone.

Hont1986 · 19/09/2021 13:53

Well she's not blocking you accidentally this many times. If she always unblocks you then I don't think it really matters, maybe she just treats it as a mute button.

Reallybadidea · 19/09/2021 13:55

Maybe she doesn't want to reply to your messages but also doesn't want you to see that she's online and ignored them? It's really odd behaviour though.

Yummypumpkin · 19/09/2021 13:55

Gosh the comments here aren't very helpful.

I imagine she does this as she has some attachment issues which cause her a great deal of anxiety.

You will not be the only person she does this to. A delay in replying, a response that wasn't expected...the feeling you're not enjoying the conversation can all cause her extreme anxiety and the blocking makes her feel safer.

When the anxiety passes she probably feels very silly and embarrassed.

It must be hard for you, but you may need to accept this from her or talk face to face. It's unlikely she can simply stop this behaviour which as I say I don't think is motivated by wanting to hurt you but by deep fears that aren't really to do with you, of being abandoned, or let down, or unwanted.

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 13:56

Thanks @IAAP I know you meant. She is a genuinely nice person and I won’t be falling out with her over it, I’d just like to know why really. She is very private and doesn’t have any friends on social media, only her family and only follows things that she enjoys.In fact she doesn’t even have Facebook at all anymore.

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 19/09/2021 13:59

Surely there are more important things to worry about?

ThePlantsitter · 19/09/2021 14:01

One of those times where you have to listen only to the direct communication (what she messages) rather than indirect (icon disappears etc). There's no reason for this to drive you mad if you take her words at face value. Only look when she actually messages you, don't have around to see if the message has gone through/she's read it/her icon is there. If she misses a message because she's blocked you it's her lookout!

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 14:04

@GladAllOver

Surely there are more important things to worry about?
Well surely you could say that about 99.9% of threads on here. But thanks for contribution to the discussion anyway 🙄
OP posts:
PumpkinsGalore · 19/09/2021 14:23

It sounds like when she's not chatting, she's actually logging out of WhatsApp on the app. Is she a bit of a technophobe? A bit old school?! Thinks it's like email where you log in & out??

Riapia · 19/09/2021 14:27

I don’t message her crap. It’s just general chitter chatter
😁😁😁

withgraceinmyheart · 19/09/2021 14:33

So the messages you send while your ‘blocked’, she gets them later and responds to them? You aren’t blocked then.

If you block someone the messages they send you aren’t delivered at all, even if you unblock them later. They just disappear.

So you’re saying ‘why did you block me?’ And she’s saying ‘oh sorry, I didn’t mean to’. It doesn’t sound like she’s ‘admitting to blocking you’ if sounds like she understand what you mean.

I thought someone had blocked me once, and it turned out to be her privacy settings. Sounds like that’s what’s happening here.

Zilla1 · 19/09/2021 14:35

Could it be she blocks all her contacts, OP, in which case it might be more needing some space rather than something directed at you?

IAAP · 19/09/2021 14:40

@Cactus1982

Thanks *@IAAP* I know you meant. She is a genuinely nice person and I won’t be falling out with her over it, I’d just like to know why really. She is very private and doesn’t have any friends on social media, only her family and only follows things that she enjoys.In fact she doesn’t even have Facebook at all anymore.
OMG I just realised I posted you "My lovely I was implying you post crap"............. then what I meant "my lovely I WASN'T implying you post crap"...........I'll slink off back to my little hole. I'm so sorry! Argh .........maybe now you see why I need to block people before nonsense streams out !
LittleOwl153 · 19/09/2021 14:40

If it bothers you or affects you then when you discover she has blocked you, block her. And do t unblock until you can have a real conversation. You do not need to deal with someone elses MH issues if you do not want to - if indeed this is what it is.

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 14:42

@withgraceinmyheart no. I’ll try to message her on WhatsApp and notice I’m blocked, then randomly she’ll suddenly unblock me and start messaging as though nothing has happened. The first time she did it I was quite upset as I thought I’d done something wrong so I texted instead apologising for any offence etc and replied immediately saying she’d blocked me by mistake and she was sorry etc.

Since then it’s happened quite a bit. I’ll look and see I’m blocked then an hour later I’m not. Or I’m blocked and then suddenly a few days later she’ll actually phone me.

OP posts:
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