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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my friend keeps blocking and unblocking my number on WhattsApp?

120 replies

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 13:27

I’ve got a friend who seems to randomly block and unblock me on WhattsApp a lot of the time for no reason whatsoever. So we’ll be chatting normally and then the next minute I’ll find she’s blocked me, then she’ll unblock me again, sometimes later in the day sometimes several days later and will resume contact with me as though nothing has happened! There’s no fall out she just blocks me, but never actually blocks my number altogether because my texts still go through (I know they’ve got through but she just doesn’t respond).

Whenever I ask her about it she always ‘oh sorry I blocked you by mistake’ and when I’ve asked if I’ve upset her she always seems shocked by and says they I haven’t.

AIBU to think this is strange behaviour? And also I don’t believe you can
block someone by mistake. How can you, you actually have to go into someone’s number and select block on WhattsApp to do it. I’d never block a friend, or anyone actually unless they’d been sending me abusive or threatening messages so I find it quite hurtful.

OP posts:
enragedhedgehog · 19/09/2021 14:55

@nordicnorth

You CAN change your whatsapp settings so the person messaging can't see if you've read it or not.

Sounds a weird situation but maybe she just likes to message on her own terms at her own convenience. I don't know how you'd accidentally block someone.

I have this setting turned on on my WhatsApp because I get sick of people expecting a reply within five minutes.

My husband when he messages me still sees two grey ticks and my profile picture though. I've just blocked him on WhatsApp and OP is correct, the profile picture goes away and you only get one grey tick. It's totally different to when you have the blue ticks to show you've read a message turned off.

Polmuggle · 19/09/2021 14:57

Also @Cadent you appear to be getting confused with Facebook etc as you can’t really alter settings like that on WhatsApp.

You can do that on WhatsApp. You can pic if your profile pic, last seen and status are seen by contacts, friends, everyone, no one etc.

But I think people are missing the point that a) OP is only getting one tick aka blocked and b) that friend has admitted to blocking her!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 19/09/2021 15:01

@Cactus1982

I’ve got a friend who seems to randomly block and unblock me on WhattsApp a lot of the time for no reason whatsoever. So we’ll be chatting normally and then the next minute I’ll find she’s blocked me, then she’ll unblock me again, sometimes later in the day sometimes several days later and will resume contact with me as though nothing has happened! There’s no fall out she just blocks me, but never actually blocks my number altogether because my texts still go through (I know they’ve got through but she just doesn’t respond).

Whenever I ask her about it she always ‘oh sorry I blocked you by mistake’ and when I’ve asked if I’ve upset her she always seems shocked by and says they I haven’t.

AIBU to think this is strange behaviour? And also I don’t believe you can
block someone by mistake. How can you, you actually have to go into someone’s number and select block on WhattsApp to do it. I’d never block a friend, or anyone actually unless they’d been sending me abusive or threatening messages so I find it quite hurtful.

Omg do we have the same friend?! She will initiate a conversation, ask me questions, then as I answer she's gone, offline, no 'last seen', message unread for over 24 hours. Then she'll pop on and say 'sorry, only just seen this!' And so it goes round and round and round and I put up with it.

Her mental health is a roller coaster so I just put it down to that, I talk when she is available. It's bizarre though.

girlmom21 · 19/09/2021 15:09

Could she be deleting and reinstalling WhatsApp rather than blocking and unblocking?

ballsdeep · 19/09/2021 15:12

@Cadent

Sounds like an error on her phone.

I would not know if someone has blocked me or unblocked if my messages are going through. You sound overly conscious of this.

She's admitted she's blocked her though!
furbabymama87 · 19/09/2021 15:13

Maybe there's more to this. I think if she is blocking you then you must be doing something to upset or annoy her without you realising. Next time she blocks you, just block her back and call it a day.

SunbathingDragon · 19/09/2021 15:15

Maybe it’s her way of muting conversations and she doesn’t realise you see it as something hurtful. I often get huge numbers of WhatsApp messages pinging through so can see the logic behind it.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 19/09/2021 15:19

I have a friend who has done this to me, across a few different platforms, blocked, then unblocked, then reblocked but acting like nothing has happened in between. I suspected it but didn't know til I started an Insta which finally revealed it, she is mentally unwell though, I finally gave up and blocked her, and I hope she learns a lesson from it tbh. One of lifes real users.

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 15:21

@girlmom21

Could she be deleting and reinstalling WhatsApp rather than blocking and unblocking?
No. She admits to blocking me, only when called out on it though and will always dismiss it as a mistake.

She does get quite down at times which could be an explanation.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 19/09/2021 15:27

I have a friend who continually changes her settings so sometimes people are blocked, sometimes not, sometimes restricted. It doesn’t seem to be linked to anything anyone has done, more than her own mental health and feelings at the time. I just ignore it now and think that she needs to do what she needs to feel comfortable with contact with other people. If there is no particular logic to your friend’s behaviour, I would assume she is similar to my friend, and just let her get on with it.

girlmom21 · 19/09/2021 15:28

@Cactus1982 maybe she finds you overwhelming.

She doesn't have a controlling partner does she?

Slothkin · 19/09/2021 15:31

The only time a friend has done this to me was when she was in a very unpleasant relationship and couldn’t risk having messages come up on her phone when she was unable to delete them.

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 15:32

[quote girlmom21]@Cactus1982 maybe she finds you overwhelming.

She doesn't have a controlling partner does she? [/quote]
No, she’s single. I don’t know why she’d find me overwhelming when I’d say that she instigates the conversation the majority of the time. We have a lot of shared interests and she’ll message me saying stuff like ‘ have you seen this?’ or phone me to chat about them.

OP posts:
YetAnotherChanger · 19/09/2021 15:35

It's not that easy to block someone accidentally though is it?
Why are you accepting her excuses?

withgraceinmyheart · 19/09/2021 15:38

[quote Cactus1982]@withgraceinmyheart no. I’ll try to message her on WhatsApp and notice I’m blocked, then randomly she’ll suddenly unblock me and start messaging as though nothing has happened. The first time she did it I was quite upset as I thought I’d done something wrong so I texted instead apologising for any offence etc and replied immediately saying she’d blocked me by mistake and she was sorry etc.

Since then it’s happened quite a bit. I’ll look and see I’m blocked then an hour later I’m not. Or I’m blocked and then suddenly a few days later she’ll actually phone me.[/quote]
Ah ok, if you’re sure she’s blocking and unblocking you then I’d quietly move on and not over analyse it. Whatever the reasons, it doesn’t seem likely you can have a healthy friendship. I agree I don’t think you can block and unblock someone multiple times without noticing!

Nocutenamesleft · 19/09/2021 15:56

My WhatsApp did this for ages!!!

Kept blocking a friend of mine. It did it tons. I had to re download it end all was fine. It was a older phone though.

Nocutenamesleft · 19/09/2021 15:57

Though mine was all of my contacts. Not just one! It did it all simultaneously. Not singled one out.

I do know someone who does it so you never know when she’s online. Which kinda makes sense.

Original poster
Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 16:02

I suppose I should probably just distance myself shouldn’t it? Let her message me when she wants to chat, but maybe not be as quick to respond.

OP posts:
MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 19/09/2021 16:20

Sounds like she's just using it as a mute function (while she focuses on other things?)

The actual function Mute doesn't stop delivery into whatsapp. Just stops the ping. It's still there when you open the app.

Maybe that's why she's using block as a vehicle to temporarily mute, because it suits her needs better.

Bobsyer · 19/09/2021 16:21

I think she thinks this is the way to not be viewable online.

There is an option in WhatsApp where you can turn off read receipts - I think she doesn't want you to know she's immediately read your messages so blocks you instead of doing that, as that turns off the receipts for all threads.

Bit shitty though, especially as she knows it's quite upsetting.

Glssr195726113493 · 19/09/2021 16:24

The more I think about this, the more I think her behaviour is bizarre. So either you’re an annoying messenger, you’re rude (probably unlikely, you seem pretty coherent on here) or she’s just a bit strange in her coping mechanisms for things. It is weird though.

ThinWomansBrain · 19/09/2021 16:25

why not just block her on whatsapp, and use text/email to contact her?

Christinatherabbit · 19/09/2021 16:29

To be honest I don't know how anyone has the time to even notice someone has blocked them? Seems like you are over thinking this way too much! I had a friend that if I didn't reply to a message within a day or two would start texting sating. "What have I done to upset you"? "Are you okay with me" "are you not speaking to me" when if fact I was just busy or hadn't seen the messages. I found it annoying, stressful and needy and have distanced myself from the friend for this reason. I will send a message then get on with my life not keep checking to see how many ticks or whatever is coming up that seems over the top to me. Unless it's urgent in which case I would just call them! If she's says there is no problem and acts like there's no problem...there isn't one! This all seems a bit intense on your side. Maybe she is going through something and finding a way to stop people seeing when she's read or not read messages and you keep pulling her up on it is upsetting to her. She's a friend not a partner so I would really just stop thinking about it if I was you

Christinatherabbit · 19/09/2021 16:30

Why though? If you are going to carry on the friendship why block her on there it makes no sense whatsoever

WhatMattersMost · 19/09/2021 16:44

I don’t know why she’d find me overwhelming when I’d say that she instigates the conversation the majority of the time.

Because her behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with you, OP! The sooner you can understand this, the simpler it will be to accept. @PumpkinsGalore has it exactly, imo. Those who are insecurely attached will often need to control their access to others - and others' access to them. There's no outer logic because they are operating based on what's going on in their psyches. I know this very well, from both personal and professional experience. Sometimes the world can feel "too much" and this can happen quickly and apparently from out of nowhere.

So, yes: this has nothing to do with you.