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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why my friend keeps blocking and unblocking my number on WhattsApp?

120 replies

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 13:27

I’ve got a friend who seems to randomly block and unblock me on WhattsApp a lot of the time for no reason whatsoever. So we’ll be chatting normally and then the next minute I’ll find she’s blocked me, then she’ll unblock me again, sometimes later in the day sometimes several days later and will resume contact with me as though nothing has happened! There’s no fall out she just blocks me, but never actually blocks my number altogether because my texts still go through (I know they’ve got through but she just doesn’t respond).

Whenever I ask her about it she always ‘oh sorry I blocked you by mistake’ and when I’ve asked if I’ve upset her she always seems shocked by and says they I haven’t.

AIBU to think this is strange behaviour? And also I don’t believe you can
block someone by mistake. How can you, you actually have to go into someone’s number and select block on WhattsApp to do it. I’d never block a friend, or anyone actually unless they’d been sending me abusive or threatening messages so I find it quite hurtful.

OP posts:

Christinatherabbit · 19/09/2021 16:57

@WhatMattersMost

I don’t know why she’d find me overwhelming when I’d say that she instigates the conversation the majority of the time.

Because her behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with you, OP! The sooner you can understand this, the simpler it will be to accept. @PumpkinsGalore has it exactly, imo. Those who are insecurely attached will often need to control their access to others - and others' access to them. There's no outer logic because they are operating based on what's going on in their psyches. I know this very well, from both personal and professional experience. Sometimes the world can feel "too much" and this can happen quickly and apparently from out of nowhere.

So, yes: this has nothing to do with you.

I suffer with my MH and with kids and jobs I often find things overwhelming. The pressures of keeping up with messages or worrying if I have annoyed someone unintentionally is actually stressful to me. Sounds like this friend could have similar issues and someone keep pointing it out would make things 10xs worse.

Original poster

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 17:56

She’s switched off her phone altogether now, so I realise it’s not about me and she doesn’t want to be contacted by anyone. I’ll leave her be now until she’s ready to resume contact, which is what usually happens anyway.

OP posts:

PumpkinsGalore · 19/09/2021 18:02

@Cactus1982

Yes I genuinely think she's logging in & out of WA to control who contacts her. I'd be very surprised if it's just you who's experiencing this. Do you know anyone else whom she chats to on there?

Regardless, she sounds like she has some issues she needs to work through (no offence to her intended)

PumpkinsGalore · 19/09/2021 18:04

Ps, the reason I think it's logging in & out specifically, is because when you log out of WA, you're considered 'unavailable' in WA terms. Test it out with someone if you're really curious

VanGoSunflowers · 19/09/2021 18:05

God I wouldn’t even notice if someone did this, let alone give a fuck to be honest!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 19/09/2021 18:07

Is she maybe trying to mute the chat so she doesnt keep getting notifications but doesnt know how to so blocks instead?

Redglitter · 19/09/2021 18:08

To be honest I don't know how anyone has the time to even notice someone has blocked them? Seems like you are over thinking this way too much

You can't help but notice when their profile pic has disappeared and your messages no longer go through

I've got a former friend who did this to me. Any time she had a fall out with someone I got the brunt of it. I waited til I was unblocked and then blocked her. I just didn't need the drama.

Original poster

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 18:08

I know that she talks to her family and work colleagues on there because she’s mentioned it before. In fact I’m pretty sure that’s how her manager at work contacts her.

OP posts:

grasstreeleaf · 19/09/2021 18:10

Maybe she sees it as similar to an 'out of the office' message. She's just busy and doesn't want to be disturbed.

GreatestHits · 19/09/2021 18:13

I was accused of similar - quitting all my group chats. What actually happened was my DH broke his phone, he borrowed mine for a bit to put his sim card in and check his messages. When I got my phone back and put my sim card in I had to re-log into my whatapp app and realised that DH using it with his sim had reset it in some way and I was no longer in any of my group chats. I had to message people to get them to add me back. They all thought I was in a strop with them for some reason!

So whatsapp can do weird things like this and it's not always the user's intention.

VanGoSunflowers · 19/09/2021 18:14

Dunno if it’s the same thing but I once blocked all social media on my WiFi settings by mistake…. I was pratting about with the settings and couldn’t remember what they were on originally so I put them on ‘PG’ - my phone would not connect to WhatsApp unless I left the house or switched WiFi off!

Took me ages to figure out why it wasn’t working

StealthPolarBear · 19/09/2021 18:15

Brilliant IAAP :o
Op I'd be tempted just to block her back next time it happens and then leave the ball in her court.

IncessantNameChanger · 19/09/2021 18:15

The person who said above that you dont to deal with her issues. This is true. Her MH diesnt outweigh yours.

I dont know why she does it. I had a friend like this. She would be fine, then cold, then fine etc. Ultimately I realised I didnt know where I stood with her which made me uncomfortable around her and that was that.

If there is good give and take and she gives as much joy or more happiness than she takes its ultimately fine. If she makes you question yourself or feel uncomfortable then it's not a equal friendship.

I spent to long trying to prove I was wonderful and tolerant of my friend blowing hot and cold that I forgot to ask myself what her current behaviour brought to my life.

Closetbeanmuncher · 19/09/2021 18:16

I would say she's hiding someone in her life from you whether that's a partner or another friend she knows you don't like.

PerpendicularVincent · 19/09/2021 18:19

Is this the friend that blocks you when you've arranged to go somewhere and she doesn't want to go, or is that another poster?

Apologies if it isn't you, it just seems familiar!

Christinatherabbit · 19/09/2021 18:27

@Redglitter

To be honest I don't know how anyone has the time to even notice someone has blocked them? Seems like you are over thinking this way too much

You can't help but notice when their profile pic has disappeared and your messages no longer go through

I've got a former friend who did this to me. Any time she had a fall out with someone I got the brunt of it. I waited til I was unblocked and then blocked her. I just didn't need the drama.

But this is totally different as there has been no fall out and when it's happened the friend has apologised and said its an accident?

Original poster

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 18:27

@Closetbeanmuncher I don’t really know anyone else in her life well enough to decide whether I dislike them or not. So I don’t think that’s the reason.

@PerpendicularVincent no, that wasn’t me.

I’m of the belief now that she just doesn’t want to be contacted by anyone for whatever reason. Which is fine of course, we all have times when we don’t feel like talking to people. I’m sure I’ll hear from her again very soon and she’ll be bright and breezy and normal. As for what I get our of the friendship I genuinely like her and find her kind and warm and funny, she is a really nice person even though it might not sound like it on here. What I really wanted to get to the bottom of of is why she does it, but then I suspect other posters are correct and she does it to others as well and it’s not actually about me.

OP posts:

ScabbyHorse · 19/09/2021 18:37

It must be upsetting but I think other posters are correct and she will behave like this with other people too, unless you are doing something really annoying. She obviously wants to control the communication between you. It is tiresome but maybe she desperately needs to. It is a bit strange though and more like behaviour you would see between partners? Something is triggering her.

Original poster

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 19:15

I just wish I knew what was triggering her.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2021 19:19

you appear to be getting confused with Facebook etc as you can’t really alter settings like that on WhatsApp

The poster is correct. You can do it on WhatsApp, go into settings privacy and you can set it to who can see your profile pic. And you can turn off read receipts.

If she’s admitting to blocking uou fair enough, but I’d think this isn’t you, she’s switching her settings to private so no one can see her for short periods so she can do something on there.

Cadent · 19/09/2021 20:26

Also @Cadent* you appear to be getting confused with Facebook etc as you can’t really alter settings like that on WhatsApp.

No, I’ve had WhatsApp since 2010, I know the settings well.

The fact that you are confused and don’t know you can change settings so no one can see your profile pic or if you’ve read people’s messages makes me think you have no idea what’s going on.

Sounds like she blocked you once and you’ve catastrophised from there.

WhatMattersMost · 19/09/2021 20:36

@Cactus1982

I just wish I knew what was triggering her.

It may well be that she wishes she knew too.

whyarentiskinnyet · 19/09/2021 20:42

There is only 1 tick if their phone is off or not receiving messages, are you sure she's blocking you and not just got her phone off or out of signal?

Original poster

Cactus1982 · 19/09/2021 21:11

@whyarentiskinnyet

There is only 1 tick if their phone is off or not receiving messages, are you sure she's blocking you and not just got her phone off or out of signal?

It’s possible I suppose. But her profile photo has vanished and she has admitted to blocking me before.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 19/09/2021 22:03

@whyarentiskinnyet

There is only 1 tick if their phone is off or not receiving messages, are you sure she's blocking you and not just got her phone off or out of signal?

Yup, and if you change your privacy settings you can stop folks seeing your profile pic.

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