To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

[Youcanbesweet]

Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

It's not a "generational" thing. It's a social circle thing.

If in your social circle it is normal to have a baby at 18/19/20, then of course 36 is going to seem geriatric because at that age, most of your social circle have children who are well into their teens.

In many other social circles (mine included), having a baby in your teens or 20s is unheard of. I had my 3rd at 36 and was right in the middle of the age range of mums in his class at school, the oldest was 42 when she had her baby, the youngest about 30.

It is down to her choice to have them late. Many people are now having them later and given that the myth of fertility waning after 35 has finally been debunked people are more relaxed about time now.

This thread comes up on here every week. EVERY week. There are many different views of course, but IMO, as long as you can conceive naturally, it's OK. Though I personally would not have a baby past the age of 40.

And IMO, nope, 36 is not TOO OLD to have a baby!

I should hope not. I'm 36 and pregnant with my first child. I have had miscarriages in the past but this is the furthest I have ever been at 16 weeks.

@rhowton

I'm early 30s and I feel exhausted with a 2 & 4 year old. I would be shattered at 36.

How are people so shattered by raising small children, are you particularly unfit or overweight? I have worked and raised small children, and coached sports teams and ran clubs tthroughout my 30's, and as a single parent with close to zero support, have never ever felt shattered.....well except today because I'm a bit hungover and had a dose of vaccine yesterday

I was 21 and 23 when I had my DC, far too young in hindsight. However I felt a biological clock ticking away as all the women in my direct line (mum, nan and great nan) had early menopause before they turned 30. I had two babies, completed my BSc and then my MA and now trying to enter the career world rather than just a job world.

Biologically, I think 36yo is old to be a first time mother. However, you are more likely to be more financially stable at that age. I’m in my mid-20s and my parents are in their 40s.

I think this can be area thing. In my home time it would be very unusual. Having your first before 20 is quite normal. But its totally different where I live now. Having kids after 30 seems to related to the heafty price of houses here. Less home owners in my home town

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid for anyone having their first until at least 40. I know people at 43 who’ve had a child and whilst not common, certainly isn’t ‘too old’, especially if you are fit and healthy

Its fine if your friend is fine with it....by yhe time I was 36 I had 3 kids 11, 9 and 5 which suited me....but everyone is different....my daughter is 27 with a 6 year and 3 year old....she is adamant that she won't have a baby in her 30s as its too old....but thats her opinion....your friend shouldn't listen to others...just do whats right for her

@MissL85

I should hope not. I'm 36 and pregnant with my first child. I have had miscarriages in the past but this is the furthest I have ever been at 16 weeks.

Also, I would like to point out that when I had my miscarriages I was 32 and 33. So sometimes getting pregnant at 36 and not earlier is completely beyond our control.

Of course it’s not too old! She’s pregnant, if she was too old she wouldn’t be pregnant. This is basic biology, any ‘too old’ comments are just opinions and everybody has a different one. As you can’t really choose who you’ll fall in love with and want to have children with and at what age, opinions are pretty much irrelevant!

It's down to personal opinion, I think. For me, 36 would be much too old to have my first and pushing it for a second/third/whatever. But if she doesn't feel it's too old, other people's opinions shouldn't matter.

I wouldn’t see that as too old at all.

I agree with whoever said it’s a social circle thing. A friend of mine had her first DC at 25 and was almost mortified because her entire ante natal group was entirely composed of women in their mid to late thirties. She didn’t tell them her actual real age for months as she feared they’d judge her for having a baby too young.

Of course for many people it’s absolutely normal to have a baby at 25!

It’s whatever works best for the individual at the end of the day. And for some women 36/37 is the earliest they actually get to have a baby if they have had fertility issues, or if they haven’t met their partner until later in life.

Personally I’d feel sadder for anyone who’s had DC in their teens or very early 20s as that just feels so young to be tied down to parenthood. But again, lots of people do that -it’s just that for me the social norm amongst my friends was to have a first baby in your early thirties.

Sometimes I think people say it to be unkind. Of course more risks come with advancing age ect but 36 is certainly not too old. I know my consultant told me that overall health is far more important than age alone, as it would be even riskier if you were younger but of ill health. So it is all subjective anyway.

I had mine young but several friends had their first between 39 and 46. The older mums (45 &46) needed assistance to conceive though.

It's not so old nowadays. Would have been deemed ancient back in the day though!

When I was 36 my DCs were 14 and 11 and my baby days were long gone. But my DC had a child at 36 and it's not at all unusual now to be early 40s and having a baby.

I wonder if people are actually saying (or meaning) that SHE is too old or saying THEY are too old (and as they are the same age she's interpretting it that way

I would (and have) say that I'm 'too old' to have another baby - I'm 42, that doesn't mean other 42 year olds can't or shouldn't have a baby if thats what they want - but I'm now in the stage of my life where I wouldn't want to 'go back' to that point and my health isn't as good as it was 10 or so years ago

Not these days but when I had my DD twenty years ago I was only 27 and people told me I was old to be having a first then.

Why is it “too old” to be having a first baby over 35, but having your 3rd/4th/5th at that age isn’t?

Biologically, I think 36yo is old to be a first time mother

Why? If the baby and mother are fit and healthy what “biology” makes it too old?

Before the pill many women had babies in their late 30s and 40s. My DH is actually 5 months older than one of his uncles because his Mum had him at 18 and her Mum had her last child at 39. They were pg at the same time.

I am also one of those people who knows only a couple of women in my generation who had a baby before the age of 30. Only one in my NCT network of 12 women - and she was 29. She was the baby of the group.

Anyone can say it's too old. But I could easily say 26 is too young. It certainly was for me. I had my husband and my home but I wasn't ready for a baby until now (30)

Wow...it's normal age. I had my DD aged 41...I'd have liked her earlier but that when she came...vv healthy pregnancy and delivery...no problems and healthy very active child now. Most the mum's I know are 35 plus having first...tbh 36 is average

Well she needs to pat her stomach and tell them "obviously not*