To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

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Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

36 is definitely not old. I was told I was quite late at 28 with my first and that was due to my parents wanting grandchildren because their friends’ children had them 🙄. He was asking me about children at 21 and it came up again from both parents and sibling at 24. Never considered that I may want to do a few things before having a baby like a stable job, being married, my own home. Made it sound like I was just a vessel the way they went on about helping me take care of it and turning one of the rooms in their house into a nursery. No thought if I wanted that or the risks that pregnancy and labour can be or the cost considering I was in the States. Didn’t even consider the relationship I was in with my now husband.

I ignored them, got married and moved 4,000 miles away and three and a half years years later had our first because it was how I planned it ever since I was a teen. My parents had me at 23 and I thought that was too young. Secondary school classmates of mine were pregnant right after graduation and I’m only reminded of that when I see them on Facebook with their children talking about them in secondary school or heading off to uni whereas most of my uni classmates have kids in primary school.

Completely average in my town. I had my two at 33 and 36, and actually feel a little young when I’m around the parents of my eldest child.

It's none of their business, as long as your friend is happy, that's all that matters. My friend had a baby at 44 and is a brilliant mother x

For me personally I wouldn't want kids at 36. But it isn't at all too old. Each to their own.

Having babies over 40 isn't a new thing. My granny had nine children (Catholic family), and she said that she and her other catholic friends would just have babies until their body stopped. In her case, she was 48. All healthy children.

I was 37 when I had my first due to fertility issues. I would have preferred to have had her when I was younger, but life isn't as simple as that. When someone said I was too old to be pregnant I replied "Sorry my fertility issues didn't fit your pregnancy age rules". It Shut them up and hopefully made them think before they spoke to anyone else like that. Your friend needs to tell whoever it is to mind their own business.

For those saying 30s / late 30s is too old in general, did you have kids earlier or have you chosen to not have them because you're now too old? Asking because I think it's easier to declare something as not suitable at X age when you've already done it, vs giving up on ever doing it at all

@TheNinny

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid for anyone having their first until at least 40. I know people at 43 who’ve had a child and whilst not common, certainly isn’t ‘too old’, especially if you are fit and healthy

You should be fit and healthy in your 40s and perfectly capable of looking after a baby… but you probably won’t be a hands on grandma to very young children and babies when you’re in your 70s. My grandparents are in their 70s and I’m glad I have lots of happy memories with them. I understand that not everyone is able to have DC in their 20s though.

I'm 50 and had dd1 at 29, ds at 31 and dd2 at 31. They're 21, 19 and 7 just now. Similar ages to my friends, but on the younger edge, but then I got married at 24 and had established myself as a teacher by the time I went on mat leave.

@SleepingStandingUp

For those saying 30s / late 30s is too old in general, did you have kids earlier or have you chosen to not have them because you're now too old? Asking because I think it's easier to declare something as not suitable at X age when you've already done it, vs giving up on ever doing it at all

I don't think it's too old for other people. But I feel it's too old for me. I do have kids had them at 21 and 23. I am 31 now. I do have RA so would have struggled to have DC now.

If it was "too old" then surely they wouldn't be able to get pregnant? Personally I chose to have kids mid-late 30s and I said that from my early 20s because I wanted to go to uni, travel, live abroad...I wanted to have all the experiences! And I did, I lived in Oz, NZ, China, South Africa....I feel very blessed. Then I came home and built a life before getting pregnant. But I get that isn't for everyone. One of my really good friends had her son at 17 and now she is free to do whatever she likes as he's grown up and also has a really nice life. I think personal circumstances are more important than age.

@cushioncovers

Biologically it is but plenty of women do so it's become the norm now in our society

Surely you mean it's older than the average rather than "too old"? If it was biologically too old then they wouldn't be able to conceive and carry a baby. But they do therefore it isn't "too old"; it's perfectly within their biological capabilities.

@SleepingStandingUp

For those saying 30s / late 30s is too old in general, did you have kids earlier or have you chosen to not have them because you're now too old? Asking because I think it's easier to declare something as not suitable at X age when you've already done it, vs giving up on ever doing it at all

I won't have them. I don't want to be in my 50s with a teenager.

Im 35. My DM was a grandmother by the time she was 40. I have a 19 year old nephew. It's for not for me.

@HunterHearstHelmsley fair enough, I just seem to see most of the "told old" comments from people who had kids younger so were fortunate enough to meet someone / conceive etc in a timely manner. I'm 40this Yr, couldn't imagine being a grandma but I do think it's sad that my own kids grandparents are so much older and I will be too when I become one.

My grandmother had her last baby at 40. My sister had her first at 43.

Posters on here thinking you will be too tired to be a parent once you hit 35 makes me laugh. I was able to parent both a baby and a very lively four year old at 39 and go for regular 5k runs and take part in fitness boot camps!

I'm 35, and in a straw poll of my 10 closest friends when I was in my 20s, just 1 has a child.

May be too old for some, and that's fine.

You should be fit and healthy in your 40s and perfectly capable of looking after a baby… but you probably won’t be a hands on grandma to very young children and babies when you’re in your 70s. My grandparents are in their 70s and I’m glad I have lots of happy memories with them. I understand that not everyone is able to have DC in their 20s though

My grandparents were in very poor health in their 50s, so it's all relative really.

I had my only DC at 37. Age
Was one reason we decided not to try for sibling. But I had a work colleague who had two DC in her early 40s and I have sometimes wondered whether we should have tried for a second.

It's no one's business but her own. Certainly not unusual amongst the people I know.
Before contraception women would have been getting pregnant well into their 40's. There were some massive families then, and they couldn't have all been born to the women while they were still in their 20's. Now that we have a choice about it some people will say what the acceptable age is, but it's really none of their business.

@AngelsWithSilverWings

My grandmother had her last baby at 40. My sister had her first at 43.

Posters on here thinking you will be too tired to be a parent once you hit 35 makes me laugh. I was able to parent both a baby and a very lively four year old at 39 and go for regular 5k runs and take part in fitness boot camps!

Some people are though. Me being 1. Not everyone is the same.

I think it's quite common nowadays, I certainly wouldn't think it's 'too old'.

@rollonmatrix

To me that's old and I couldn't imagine having a baby at that age. But I had my first at 20. It's all a matter of personal opinion.

This

I'd say it's quite old for a first baby but not too old!

I’m not sure why people assume you’ve no energy as you get older! I’m renowned for being a tired person and needing lots of sleep - which is probably why I found the newborn stage a breeze as I’m so used to functioning in a tired state! I was 42 with mine. My parents were late sixties and early seventies and were able to look after daughter one day a week from the word go! They are still able to look after her ten years on. And my fatigue is nowhere near as bad as it was in my 20s!

@LST of course I'm aware that not everyone is the same but when I think of the mums I've got to know over the years I've been doing school runs and almost all are very active and going to the gym or doing 5k park runs regularly at 50 years old. All could quite easily cope with a baby or toddler if they had to even now.

But there are so many posts on this forum from people who had kids in their 20's saying that could never have coped at 35 or older. It's just not true for most people that I know.

Maybe I just live in an area full of unusually fit 50 year olds. Must be the sea air or something!