To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

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Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

i was 35 when i became pregnant and had turned 36 by the time dd was born , i dont consider it too old , times have changed , i know women in their early forties who have had children , i couldnt have imagined having a baby when i was younger , i was too busy having fun then and not ready to settle down to responsiblity

I had mine at 28,32 and 36.

28 was much too young. Should have done 32,34 and 36. I will be really surprised and secretly really disappointed if any of my kids have children in their 20’s

I'm 36 and 31 weeks. I feel old compared to some in a class I go to but I also believe things happen at a certain time in your life for a reason. If we could have had baby sooner we would have but fate had other plans.

How can biologically it be too old to have a baby?

Biologically you're not too old to have a baby until you go through menopause, surely??

I was 36 with my first. Not at all unusual amongst the Mums I know. Some were older, some maybe 5 years younger. Much less common for young Mums here!

I think if you've waited until then it can't really have been a priority in life to have a family and it can be a massive change if you've lived a life without kids for so long. Unless of course there's infertility involved and you've been trying for years. Third, fourth and fifth kids are completing a family, not starting one.

Priorities aren't static or set in stone though are they? Are your prioritiee the, same as when you were 16, or 18, 21?

I know plenty people who have had their first between 35 and 42 - in fact the majority of the parents at our school gates got in to that bracket. Whether it's 'too' old is entirely individual based on your over all health and the health of your reproductive system.

I think it's best normal nowadays. Personally I want to be done with my baby making years before I'm 35 but I'm lucky that that's a possibility for me. If I'd only met DH when I was 35 I wouldn't have not had kids with him just because I was a bit older.

*very normal

55 years ago, my mum was 36 having her first child. And had 4 more children in her late-30s and 40s.

She's now a healthy 91 year old. My dad is 92.
I became a mum at 47 to (now 18-month) twins.

So no, 36 does not seem remotely old to me, to be a first time mum.

When my mum was having kids in the 60s, women in certain jobs had to give up work once they married (Ireland). For that reason, my mum and all her colleagues tended to marry later and have kids later, since they wanted to enjoy their careers first.

Thinking about it, my granny born in 1889 was in her late-30s and 40s having her three kids too.

Biologically speaking, the optimum time to have a baby is between the ages of 18 and 25. That's when a woman is at her most fertile and is physically mature and strong.
BUT, emotionally she may be nowhere near the point where she is best equipped to cope with the stresses of family life. Additionally, she may have less financial stability than a woman 10 years older.
It's swings and roundabouts and we each make the choices that seem right for us at the time

Owlbethere - just saw your response. :) The twins were both complete surprises (well, I guess after the first two the second set wasn't SHOCKING!) . Apparently the older you are when you get pregnant the more likely it is that you release more than one egg at a time. I look back on it now and laugh to myself. I don;t know how we did 4 in nappies at the same time.

@MissMaple82

I had my 2nd at 35 and was told geriatric in terms of pregnancy. I definitely couldn't do it now I'm pushing 40.

My chart at the OB had a note of "advanced maternal age". LOL

I had mine at 42 and was laughed at by the midwives when I asked if I was classed as geriatric. There wasn’t anything to do with my age on my notes.

I asked if I'd have a 'label' this time (I'm 37) and was told I was nowhere near getting an official one 😂

@Mumblechum0

It’s a generational thing. I’m late 50s, and most of my peers had our pfbs in our late twenties.

Our adult kids who are now late 20s are nowhere near that stage yet. Are the people saying that to your friend in her parents’ age group?

I think that depends on your peer group. I’m late 50s and had my first at just shy of 30 and was the first of my contemporaries by a few years.

It's all relative.

But 36 is not young in my eyes for your first baby. Most mums will base this upon what age they were themselves though when they had their first baby.

@Nomoreusernames1244

Can someone explain why 36 is too old for a first baby, but fine for 3/4/5th babies?

I think when people mention FIRST baby there's an assumption you will want more so if your 36 it's likely you may be in a bit more of a rush to have your kids closer together as biologically it may be too late if you wanted 4 kids.

@lemonswan I agree about it being a class thing.

It's absolutely not too old.
It a shame silly people are giving your friend anxiety over it, it's more the norm now.

@Musmerian, probably, however when I was at that stage I and most of my close friends were lawyers, a GP and a teacher. It seemed perfectly normal to have No 1 aged 28/29.

totally silly thing to say.

Some of my friends didn't meet Mr Right till they were in their early 30s- they don't always come along to order!

So having a baby at 36 isn't always a choice , it's about being settled with the right person.

Oh come on! Why do people feel the need to judge all the time? What does it mean too old? Nonsense!

I had my DS at 37 and my DD at 38. Lots of my friends were around the same age and I didn't (and still don't) feel too old, They are now 16 and almost 15.

I became pregnant at 35 and had my first child soon after turning 36. Had my second when I was 39. This just happened to be the age I was when I met someone who I wanted to have kids with and they with me. The baby stage was a breeze and I enjoyed it. Toddlerhood was another matter and the difficult behaviour dragged on much longer than it should have - so overall I would say having kids has been the best of times and the worst of times - not sure if this is particular to any aged parent. However, what happens around you at this age may be more specific to being an older parent - my mother being diagnosed with dementia for example when my oldest was around 8 and subsequently being put into care. My husband developing a chronic illness (a manageable one thank goodness) as a result of an accident when my oldest was about 10 years. On the other hand being older parents we are in a financially ok position